what should i do?

Question

i have been withn my partner for 8yrs , and we have lived together for 3, he now tells me he is depressed and not sure how he feels about me, the last few months he has started staying out at the weekends and drinking, he tells me know one else is involved, he just feels confused, what should i do

Answer 1

drinking isn't going to make him feel better and staying out is just avoiding you. if he won't talk then you're stuck and i think you need to prepare yourself for the end of this relationship. separating for a while might be the answer so you have time to set up your life to support you if you can't stay together but it may be enough to take the pressure off him and help him get in touch with what he wants. it's horrible but he loves you too much to say it's over and is being a bit of a coward. I'm so sorry cos this is gonna hurt you but you will get through this and if you can walk away with some dignity you will find a way to love again. My bf did this to his wife and has had to live with a lot of guilt as they had kids. they've stayed friends and i get on well with her. he didn't leave her for me or anyone else he just wanted out. t scares me that he did this and might do it me but life is a mystery and i know i'll be ok what ever happens and so will you.

Answer 2

i went through the same thing.

if you know that you are a good woman and have been nothing but good to him, then tell him it is best that you two separate until he can let you know what is going on with him. if he is hanging out and drinking all the time, then something or someone else is more important to him.

not judging, because it could be that he is depressed because he really does love you, but he is just tired of the relationship(after all you have been together eight years, and you didn't refer to him as your husband)

don't Wait for him to break your heart, separate.

he won't know he can't live without you unless he does.

my ex still calls me to this day, but he waited to long, and he explained that losing me was a risk he was willing to take.

Answer 3

Talk to him, what is he confused about? Give him space, is there anywhere you could stay for a couple weeks? That way he will realize what life would be like without you and probably want you back (or decide for good that your relationshiip is over). When you are in a relationship especially a really long one, you tend to lose sight of yourself and forget the individual. He's probably forgotten what he is without you and that's causing him to be depressed.

Answer 4

Talk and make up your own mind what you want from life? It could well not be you or the relationship. Depression, health, age? Or it could be that things are not good between you?

Ask. he may well not know himself and needs to seek advice/counselling perhaps. Men as you know often keep things inside and struggle with expressing their emotions. Alcohol is a depressive drug, so that will not be helping.

Is he a binge drinker? Going walk abouts for a couple of days is a sure sign.

Or he may just not want to be with you?

Enough guessing!

Make him understand how he is making you feel. that you expect things to be different.

And you expect to be respected

Answer 5

Sorry to say this but from experience, maybe its is time to wave the white flag.
I had been with my wife for 8 years when I woke up thinking am I happy with the way my life is. After a bit of soul searching I discovered I wasn't happy. So I plucked up the courage and told her. She like you wasn't happy but now a year later we both realise splitting up was the best thing for us and we are both happy and have stayed friends.

Answer 6

Perhaps you should suggest that he should seek professional help for the sake of himself and your relationship. Maybe tell his GP how he has been feeling of late? If however he seems uninerested or not bothered that you are genuinely concerned... perhaps you need to consider that his 'depression' is an excuse to do as he pleases... You need to think of your own health and the effects his behaviour could have on you.

Answer 7

HELP HIM. Is there a reason why he feels depressed? Has anything drastic happened recently in his life?
I think you need to set aside some private time with him - maybe a nice weekend away, get him to open up to you - tell him repeatedly how much you love him and want to help him.
Alternatively maybe suggest he goes to councelling - its often hard to talk to those people we love - its easier to open up to a stranger.

Answer 8

Tell him he better get it figured out. Drinking and staying out on weekends is not going to solve this problem but add to it. If he can't figure out what he wants, don't waste time trying to figure it out for him. Either you're both on the same level or you're not and if you're not, this relationship is not going to work.

Answer 9

If he's depressed then it has nothing to do with you personally. It's a chemical imbalance in his body that's causing these feelings, and unfortunately, you're caught in the middle of it.

See if you can get him to visit a doctor.

Good luck! I hope your situation improves soon.

Answer 10

Sounds like he is crying for attention, my advise is to give him all the attention you can X10. Maybe change your appearance to stimulate him visually. If you want to keep him don't give him any reason to be confused.The next time he wants to go out and drink get in your sexiest lingerie and jump his bones.