i love him so much and i dont ever want to leave him. he means the world to me, but he doesnt clean his room or his laundry or clean up after himself. i dont know how to tell him to be more responsible, before we decide to actually get married, because how can i marry someone i want to support me if they cant support themselves??
2006-06-22 04:25:52 · 25 answers · asked by caseyrae 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
and what i mean by support is when couples get married the man is usually the one to "take care" of his wife. and we dont have sex, we dont believe it is right to do before marriage. and i have talked to him about it.. i need other solutions...
2006-06-22 04:35:58 · update #1
The most important thing here is "love". Trust me, this is a very rare commodity this days. But may I ask, does he love you as much as you do? If the answer is yes, then there is great hope. If not, you may be heading for a divorce after marriage.
There's no one who cannot change. The issue is what and how the change can be initiated. The problem here looks like he really does not see anything wrong in what he is doing. Talking things over is sure a great way to start the change but it looks like you guys may have to try counseling help.
You sure do need to clear some of these fears before getting married. Marriage won't make him more responsible except he decides to straighten out. It's great having a relationship without sex until you're married. Congratulations and keep it up.
Why don't you try this, do nothing about the clean-ups, let things pile up for a while and let the house really stink but make sure you keep quiet about this. Watch and see his reaction. If he complains, fain some sickness and see what next he'll do. If God helps, he might start making a change and get things cleaned up. Wish you the best.
2006-06-22 04:52:39 · answer #1 · answered by Saintpi 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
There is no teaching babe. You get what you get. It's like a drug habit. An addiction. A way of life for him. It's a sad truth but you may have to except that as fact. Sure, for your sake he may pick up his dirty boxers to get them out of your eyesight. Unfortunatly they won't be found in the laundry basket where they belong. They'll be in the back of his closet or under the bed. Ok, I'll give him the benifit of the doubt. maybe he will hit the basket a few times, but soon he'll go back to his old ways. And don't think this will change because you get married. Lazinessis like a disease, marriage is not the cure. Good luck hun
2006-06-22 04:36:40 · answer #2 · answered by asoldierswife 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if he makes good money you can get a maid or send it to be washed. If not try a laundry date say you that was Ross and Rachele's 1st date. Don't nag him just, slide it in. Tell him you should take a cooking class together. Don't tell him his food sucks try to be as smart and positive as possible.
Just remember your doing the right thing by making do it him self my grandfather has been married for 20 years and does not know how to get his own water. Now she is thinking about a divorce. You will be really tried if you don't let him do it himself. Good luck.
2006-06-22 04:33:36 · answer #3 · answered by Nice girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A couple of issues here.
First, once a slob, always a slob. If his mother wasn't able to teach him any different, you won't be able to either. You need to either figure out a way to deal with it, or get rid of him.
Second, what do you mean by "support you?" Are you looking for someone to clean up your messes so you don't have to? That's not how a relationship works.
2006-06-22 04:28:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seriously, do not marry him. Look, if he is that irresponsible, what do you think will happen when you do get married - he will be cleaner?
My nephew was like this, and his wife loved him to death. However, after cleaning up after his messy a$$ day after day, love went out the window.
If he is that much of a pig, stay unmarried until he cleans up his act (literally and figuratively).
2006-06-22 04:29:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First thing you need to realize is that you are not going to change him. You better like him exactly as he is, lazy habits and all. If anything, those habits get WORSE once you get married. I made the mistake in thinking I could change my husband too. Take it from me, accept it or move on.
2006-06-22 04:27:48 · answer #6 · answered by WiserAngel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not going to change this man either you accept the way he is or don't get married. Mommy probably did everything for him and he will expect the same from you.
2006-06-22 04:31:13 · answer #7 · answered by LUNCHY THE PIRATE 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop doing it for him and let him go out looking like a vegrant once or twice. If he wants to act like a child, treat him like one. Let him see that you won,t put up with it. If he loves you he will tidy himself up 4 you. Don't marry him until you are sure
2006-06-22 04:32:09 · answer #8 · answered by chat_have 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me tell you from my experience,be nice and respect full to him when you are bringing it up,and most important don't speak in the bossy way.
You would be surprised how far does respect for your partner goes.
Good luck.
2006-06-22 04:32:59 · answer #9 · answered by yours 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl first off you can't chance a man no madder how hard you try !!!!! If you truely love this man except him for who he is dirty messy and no job.......men dont chance they can grow up a little but no much. so if you love like you say you do .............then let that stuff go and except him for who he is
2006-06-22 04:30:29 · answer #10 · answered by trouble 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋