postnatal depression. How can i help?

Question

my best friend (a mother of 3) has postnatal depression and i would like to help her through this. how can i best help without being intrusive?

Answer 1

I too have suffered from PPD. I'm just recovering so everything is still very fresh for me. Alot of other ppl have suggested cleaning, laundry, watch the baby etc. But from my own personal experience I don't think that is a good idea. I know I felt I wasn't good enough. (mom, wife, housekeeper etc) and when you go to your friend and start doing all this stuff it might make her feel worse. Nothing worse then feeling your a bad housekeeper then having others come in and clean your house. Or to feel what you have already done still isn't good enough in others eyes.
My suggestion is to just be her friend, talk to her, let her talk to you, get her and the baby out for walks. then SUGGEST you help her with the dishes, laundry etc but don't take right over.
Good luck with your friend. Tell her she is not as alone as she thinks. :)

Answer 2

Just being there believe it or not is actually a greaat help. The mother will appreciate the fact that someone is there for her even if she doesnt show it. Try to help with the older 2 kids as much as possible and if you can as you say without intruding try giving the mother a break from the beby when you can. suggest she gets a couple of hours sleep during the day. It's mainly the baby waking up in the night and mum having other responsibilities throuhgout the day that causes depression. Even something as simple as popping to the shop for her might not sound like much to you but it will be a great help. something less for mum to think about.
If you really want to help then helping around the house is great. It gives mum the time with the children and you dont seem imosing.
You coiuld also try to get her to talk to people online that are in similar situations so she doesnt feel alone.
Would you email me? I have friends (single mums) All been through the same thing.
Maybe I can help a bit.

Answer 3

The best thing is to get anti depressants from the gp. If she is put on the correct dose she will pick up amazingly quickly. This really is SO important, I had severe depression with my first daughter, and although recognized by the gp I stupidly allowed myself to be shamed by my mother in law into not using them. The short term consequence was 6 months of sheer hell for my poor husband as I became agrophobic and suicidal, then blamed him for everything. Rather more devastating has been the long term affect on my relationship with my daughter. I still haven't "bonded" completely with her, and it tears me apart when I look at my beautiful, clever 6 year old and know I am half the mother to her that I am to her sisters. All the other suggestions of support are valid, but she is ill and no amount of casseroles can replace the medicine required.

Answer 4

Go over and do little things to help her out
here's some examples of things new moms need:
1: Cook her some food that is easy to reheat
2: Watch the baby so she can nap or go to the store or get her hair cut
3: Do her dishes or laundry
4: Sweep the floor
5: Offer to sit with the baby so she can pick up the house if she won't let you do anything
6: Offer to giver her a manicure or pedicure
7: Call her often to let her know you're thinking of her
8: Offer to watch the baby so she can go to her checkups
9: Bring her a pint of her favorite icecream and some bubble bath and force her to use it while you're there so she doesn't have to worry about the baby.
10: Keep her husband in the loop as to the things she's saying and watch for signs that she might be getting worse. Alittle baby blues is ok but if it gets worse than that she'll need proffessional help and it's important that you notice the changes.

Answer 5

When I was pregnant with my son my OBGYN was concerned that because I have severe depression and with being off of medication during pregnancy that I had a higher risk for postpartum depression. I did get it but not as bad as anyone expected. I stayed at my mom's for a couple days after getting home from the hospital, we were moving the day after I left the hospital, my husband got up with our son everytime he woke up at night, we were feeding formula so it wasn't a problem. My OBGYN and the hospital said that getting enough sleep would help me a lot after delivery. I think when we have our second child I am going to rely on family more often though. It was harder because you have no schedual especially with a first baby. I had no time to shower, eat, bathe the baby, clean house, do groceries, laundry, it didn't seem like there was time for anything that didn't revolve around our son's schedual of eating changing diapers and sleeping.

What I suggest is to talk to your friend and express your concerns you have for her and offer your help with things like taking the older kids out for the afternoon or doing laundry, watching the kids so she can relax and have a shower, help her going out for groceries, or even just come over and watch the kids so she can have a nap or just relax away from the craziness of a new baby.

Answer 6

In my case, it was the mother of my children sitting outside, playing guitar, whilst I dealt with the washing & changing of our bairns. It started after a water-birth, which we were both keen on, but transgressed into a solitary situation. I was all bubbly, but she was glad to be released of the burden of carrying a child, and then retreated into a little world. All of her own making. Fair enough, I took a month off work to sort things out, and all is well. So what are the signs, you ask. I would say things like being grumpy, can't be bothered. Oh you do it ! And a strange fancy for pickles. There we go, Bob

Answer 7

PND can manifest itself in many different ways. When I suffered from it, it demonstrated itself as sheer exhaustion and at the time, I just thought all new mothers felt this way.

To be honest, when I was going through this, to have someone take the baby from me to allow me to have sleep was brilliant, but the best thing is to remove the baby from the home where the mother is, as a new mother will get more agitated hearing her baby cry.

To have someone on hand to cook the old meal was also nice too.

I was extremely lucky as I had proper medical help as well as help from my mother.

It is important that she see her doctor for medical assistance too, as this will not clear up on its own.... I was put on Seroxat which I took for about 3 months.

Your friend is lucky to have you, and I hope she starts to feel better soon.

Answer 8

Offer to take her other kids out somewhere so she can rest.
Get a sitter for the kids and take her out for a pedicure/manicure/massage or something relaxing
Offer to stay the night one night a week for a few weeks so she can sleep through the night (assuming she isn't breastfeeding) and not have to get up with the baby.
Sleep is a BIG thing with postpartum depression.
I had severe PPD and PPpsychosis and was hospitalized and the best thing anyone did for me was my mother would come over on fridays and stay the night so that I could get a full night sleep (my husband works full time so he HAD to sleep through the night so I was getting up with the baby).

Answer 9

Offer lots of help, keep a close eye on her. More than likely she doesn't realize how serious the situation is. It's best to be over-involved than not. Make sure the baby is safe and being well taken care of. She should see a doctor for treatment. I'm sure you don't need to be reminded how bad this can get (Andrea Yates).

Answer 10

She may not feel like talking to her partner, so a friendly face and a shoulder to cry on worked for me.

I suffered after a severe birth trauma (my lung collapsed and I nearly died during c-section) and it took me ages to get over it. Sometimes i still think about it and cry.,

Just being there for her, helping with the chores etc helps loads, take her out of the house away from the kids to get some pamper time alone, take her to the cinema/hairdressers/meal etc.