How can I dig up dirt on a very cruel ex that I am in a custody battle with...Please Help.?

Question

I have been separated for eight months. He lacks any morals and will go to any length to WIN, just to win. He has a girlfriend who is always around my boys and living in my house but I can't prove it. I can't afford a P.I. because he took all the money. I thought by just be a good mom the truth would eventually come out. But the truth is I need to be ruthless. I'm afraid I'll lose if I don't find out quick how to win...I'm ready to put on some fatigues and camp out in his back yard in order to get pictures. He never cared for our children their entire life and I would die if he got custody. He is very good at manipulating people and I'm afraid everyone is buying his act and I need to show all the truth FAST.....PLEASE HELP

Answer 1

Just the fact that you're a woman will help you in court because the court has a very strict prejudice toward how the different sexes parent their children. Just giving a testimony that you feel your ex husband is manipulative will help you. Maybe the children should testify as well. You have to remember, custody isn't about you, it's about your children. I live with my father and my mother had to have the courage to let me go and be with him even though she doesn't always agree with his techiniques in parenting. You, ultimately, have to be the stronger parent for the children to lean on, not necessarily the money which is now an issue for you. Be honest, and tell everything about him. You might want to consider taking the children to counseling, that will ultimately help your argument because the court loves to hear the word "counseling." If the children cannot testify in court, maybe you should get them to tell the counselor what they want, and have the counselor testify, or have the children write a note to the court. By taking them to counseling, you being the one who intiated that, will help you as well. Good luck! Try to relax and remember what your children want, it is their life.

Keep in mind you can always re-file custody if you lose.

Answer 2

He lacks morals and yet you want to dig up any kind of dirt on him you can find to discredit him? I suggest you accept that you are stuck with your soon to be ex-husband for years to come. He is entitled to have a girlfriend and I suspect he will have many. If you start the battlefield and want to destroy him I hope you realize you will lose the war! You say he is more concerned with winning than doing what is right for your children? Either way this goes you are both entitled to regular visitation. You don't have to like the boy's father but you will have to deal with him and he has just as much right to be in their lives as you do. Unless he is doing drugs or putting your boys in harms way I suggest you accept the reality of being divorced. I don't know if he cheated on you or lied but unless it was criminal you are stuck with him. Are you more concerned about proving he was the one who destroyed the relationship and hurt you or are you concerned with doing what is best for the boys? I am sorry you were hurt but any attempt you make to discredit the boy's father will come back to hurt them and you in the long run. I know it's frightening to lose control and I am sure this is not something you considered would happen. If you want to bring up happy, emotionally strong children I recommend that you separate your moral judgments of their father and your pain from the situation as quickly as possible. You will be sharing these children over holidays, birthdays and other family occasions for many years to come. These boys need their parents to be emotionally and financially stable. If you have not discussed this with an attorney I recommend you do it right away. Do not use the excuse you have no money because there are many organizations that can point you towards getting legal information. I would start by contacting your state mental health, local churches and child and family services. If you have physical custody you are entitled to child support and you should already be receiving it. I am sure you are hurt by the fact that your husband has already found someone new in his life but use that as motivation to move on and focus on being a good parent. He might marry someone in the future you can't stand but it doesn't mean he can't be a good father to the boy's or that his role in their lives should be any less important than yours. I'm sorry you are hurt by all of this but this is the reality of divorce that people often don't think about before it happens. I have been in your shoes and am giving you the same advice I was given at the time. I am happy to say my son is a well adjusted 25 year old headed into law school. I still can't stand his Dad but I have kept my mouth shut and smiled through every occasion that we were in the same room together. Your boys need their father regardless of your opinion of him and the sooner you except this situation and focus on what is best for your boy's the better it will be.

Answer 3

stop for a minute, sit down, relax.

Now, how long were you married? Surely there are reasons why you are no longer together? What are those reasons?

I too am in a long and drawn out custody battle that has turned very nasty. I have found that when she gets angry and tries to manipulate, if I keep my composure, she blows even more. Bam! I prove my point again!

My case has been going on for more than a year now and this strategy, although tough at first, has proven my point. It's now to the point that the court system just allows me to phone in for our hearings, instead of going to the court house. THe judge has heard my side now, and is getting rather upset that she keeps dragging me back to court every month for stupid stuff.

If you would like a person to talk to, you may feel free to email me at [e-mail].

I know that this is a very bad spot to be in and it is very painfull. Remember that you must keep your cool for the kids sake, no matter how much you would like to kill him!

Answer 4

First of all, be calmed. You need to think very well al what you are doing and the consequences of each decision you will take.
It is my impression that you are afraid of him and that he can easily control you. IF indeed you are still married and he has another woman living in your house, you have more in your side than what you imagine.
If you do not have an income or it is very low, you can receive help from the county you live in. There are also dozens of groups that will help you if you or your children are considered to be in danger or abused.
Go to the City county and/or the closes hospital. Ask to talk to the Social Services personnel, they will give you all the information you could need.
Good luck.

Answer 5

Why are you afraid that he will get custudy? Is he the primary care taker of the boys? If you engage in obsesive behaviour towwards your spouse, he can use this as harrasment and even get a restraining order against you. If you go through this lengts if might look bad for you in court. Be calm and don't show any anger as this will prove his point.

If you show that you are emotionally stable and financially viable and always a good parent, the judge won't have any problem giving you psysical custudy of your kids.

Good luck

Answer 6

What exactly are you hoping the Private Investigator, will find out? If it's just the fact that he has a girlfriend, I'm sorry, but that's not illegal, and won't do a thing for you in court. From your post here, it doesn't sound like he is abusing the children, just sounds like a nasty divorce, that your about to try and make even nastier, because your jealous that he's moving on with his life. It isn't about...WINNING...for pity sakes...this isn't a game, it's your life, and his life, and your children's lives...and they are the one's LOSING because their parents are too childish, to behave like adults.

Answer 7

honestly hun playing dirty and being munipulative (like him) will just make you lose. you need to think of your beautiful boys and how this could hurt and affect them. i know how you feel and of course human instinct is too just seek revenge but you will not be blessed by those actions. he will suffer the consequences for his actions, he will, no one can escape consequences. his time will come and in that time you can smile. but until then try to continue to be the bigger and better person. you can't let him see that his stupidity gets to you, and by playing his game he will know he has won. the best thing you can do is act like you don't give a damn and move on. the truth is always revealed at sometime. let go and let God. many blessings to ya though!!!

Answer 8

you need to be your own PI .. stand out side of the house and take your pictures ..it all depends on what kind of dirt you are trying to get ..I would hirer a Pi and make payments. as long as you are a good mom in your own mind and do nothing to show that you are not , evry thing should work out ,. the mother tends to get the custody , but you may have to share . they do need both parents .

Answer 9

why would you wanna dig up dirt on the ex that makes you no better than them, trust me it may look bad in the begining but good always prevails so allow him/her to do them and you remain humble and honest the truth always comes out and I'm speaking from experience!

Answer 10

Why not take out a loan for a PI, it's worth the investment.