is my mom invading my privacy???

Question

okay, so my mom was gone for 5 days and while she was gone i went out with a guy that i wasn't supposed to and i told my mom that i was hanging out at this one girls house. anyways, the night ended really badly, and awhile after she got home from her trip she kept saying to me "your eyes look different, did something happen while i was gone?" and she'll be staring at me and then i'll be like 'what??' and she'll say "oh nothing...you just look different". and last night i saw that she had been looking at stuff on the internet about what to do when someone u know has been sexually assaulted (which is kinda along the lines of what happened with the guy i went out with). how the hell did she find out?? i don't wanna let her kno that i kno that she knos. the only way she sould have found out, was if she either read my diary or looked at the stuff that i was looking at online. both of which she said that she would never do because it would be an invasion of my privacy. what should i do???

by the way, the only way i found out that she was looking at the stuff about sexual assault online is because she accidentaly left it on that page when she said that she was done on the computer.

i just wanted to go out with the guy because i'm almost 17 and have never been allowed to date.... isn't it kinda her fault for trying to keep a kid in a lil bubble by not letting her hang out with guys and not letting her make her own mistakes?

Answer 1

It's weird, but some mom's just know these things, even if they never read an diary and what not. My mom always knew these things and I never wrote it down in anything. I just hope she never finds out about me having sex until I get pregnant lol.

Answer 2

The same thing happened to me when I was a teenager and my mom knew something was wrong as soon as I walked into the room. I didn't tell her either. I depends on the situation I guess. If you were raped or beaten badly then you should tell her. Don't worry about getting in trouble because she really is just worried about you. Whatever happened to you it is not your fault. He should not have done this to you and you do not deserve it. I am a parent now myself so I understand these things. If nothing happens to him he will do this again. My situation was not rape but sort of an attempt. I still wonder if he turned into a wife - beater or rapist and that maybe I should have done more. To answer your question, your mom is not invading your privacy.

Answer 3

As hard as it may be to talk to her about it. You need to. You have to understand that she won't think any less of you, and she won't lecture you. She's there to help protect you. That's why there are rules in place. Trust me, when I was younger I did the same thing. I always went against her wishes, I broke the rules. It wasn't until I became a Mother that I realized everything she said was true.

And it doesn't really matter how she found out. I could have been a friend or even a neighbor that saw you with a boy. To this day I still can't figure out how my Mother knew what she did. By her leaving the window open, I think she was trying to tell you that she knew and that the ball was now in your court. So, be honest and tell her. It'll be a big weight off of your chest. Believe me, I've been there.

Answer 4

Oh boy. First of all, if you are under 18, there is no such thing as invasion of privacy. As long as you live at home, your parents have the right to whatever they want. Secondly, you need to get some help in dealing with your sexual assault. Run to therapy now. Third, your mom may not have read your diary or anything, mothers know when their children are hurting and mothers know when their kids lie to them. If you doubt it, try passing off another lie and see if she bites. Last, I hope all of this has gone to show you that bad things happen when you lie.

Answer 5

You, being a minor, have limited rights to privacy with regards to your parents. You will disagree...but in 10 or 15 years you will eventually agree. Your mother, believe it or not, was obviously right when she said to stay away from the guy. You didn't stay away, and something bad happened...so, yes, she was right.

Parents see stuff that minors don't. As hard as that is for you to accept...it is true. You can choose to not believe it....but it doesn't change the fact that it is true.

Kids think their parents "don't understand" and that they "don't know what is really going on". Well...I thought that when I was a kid. My parents thought that when they were kids. Their parents thought that too. Believe it or not...nothing you are thinking is "original thought". It has all been thought before. Even right now, as you are thinking "no, this guy is full of sh*t and doesn't know the whole situation." I thought the same thing. And your kids will think the same. Its like a huge circle.
Anyway...listen better to your mom. (I know you don't want to- I didn't either. And your kids won't want to either).

Answer 6

As a former young person who thought her mom was invading her privacy, I later learned that my mother had been through the exact same thing and recognized it because it was the same way she felt.
As a mother now, a mother can often look at her child and sense something is wrong. You should tell her. She was not invading your privacy, she deserves to know, and the idiot that did it to you deserves to be punished. no telling how many girls he has done it with or will do it to. She might have suspected he was doing something like this or this type of guy is why she didn't want you to hang out with him.

Answer 7

While you may interpret it as your mother invading your privacy, your mother is watching out to see if you are ok. She is giving you the chance to open up to her. We live in a messed up world with a lot of crazy people in it and women are especially vulnerable. I am guessing you are a teenager. At this time of your life you are very impressionable and you will almost believe anything anyone says to you except for your parents. Open up to your mother. What's the worst that could happen? She is protecting you. You might even feel better after you do! Good luck.

Answer 8

Hmmm... so you lied to your mother, and then put yourself in serious danger of being violated in a way that you will NEVER be able to get out of your head. Gosh, wonder why she doesn't trust you.

Some moms pry. They look in diaries, check where you've been online, talk to your friends and their parents. It is your mom's responsibility to keep you safe.

Obviously you are incapable of taking care of yourself, or you would not have defied what she asked you to do and put yourself in such a bad situation. You need to listen to your mother. Sit down with her and tell her what happened. Of course you're going to get in trouble, but if you face the music now and take the punishment she'll be more likely to trust you because you were HONEST.

Answer 9

okie. first things first... NEVER EVER hide the fact that u have been molested from your parents... i know the feeling. what goes through your mind when u're going to tell them. i have been through it. your heart just stops. and your so sure that u won be able to go through with it. and u're afraid that people will think that its your fault... in your case, your mom was right about this guy, and yet u still went out with him.

bt trust me, mom's arent the kind of creatures that are going to look at u with an ' i told u so' attitude. your her daughter. what do u think she cares about more? provin to u that she was right, and make her feel good about herself, or be more concerned about your safety?????

so in many ways, this is just you. you don want to have to deal with the fact that your mom was right.. but u know what, it doesnt matter..... sure. now it will. maybe there will be some unsaid tension for a week. max, two weeks. and then..its gone..

you'd be surprised to know what forgiving creatures mothers are....i know. because i should be in the lowest realm of hades for the things i have done to myself and my family. but thankfully. i have a mother that forgives me and loves me unconditionally. im not too much of a believer in god myself, but my mom is. and i guess her love is what has kept me going till now.

and the whole is your mom going thorugh your stuff, let me tell u.
moms just know stuff.....its true. its freaky and scary as hell, but hey, what can i say. thats mothers for ya! maybe she has been going through your stuff, then ask her. and if she confesses then work it out. how? the usual way. fight. yell. tell her your grown up and can handle thigs on your own... just how ever other teenager would do it. and then give it time to blow over and heal....
hope all goes well!!!

Answer 10

I know parents can be a major pain sometimes, and trust me I know from experience. My parents looked on my myspace and found some stuff, but that's another story. Due to the extent of the situation, I would suggest that you tell your mom. You should also explain to her that the lines of communication should always be open. Therefore, she should have no reason to snoop on your computer and you could go to her help, without any hesitations. You did break your mom's trust, but what teen doesn't. tell her that you have to learn to make your own decisions. I hope it all works out for you.

Answer 11

No your mom is being a good parent. you should be thankful she's taking the time and engery to care for you. Just because you feel smart and grown up doesnt mean you are, or that you're anywhere near as ready for the world as your mom is.

If something bad did happen you should tell her and get it over with. She already knows what happened because she's your mom, and she can read you like a book. She created you, and taught you everything you know, she knows you because she knows herself. you cant get away from that.

You're a lucky girl.