Another of my Poems i wrote for your consideration
Patience of love
My patience gives me great agony
For, the wait of the right time has not been easy.
The pain of my feelings strides with me
But i carry it secretly
My wish is to confess slowly
To mark my intentions clearly
But only in you i can.
Suddenly i feel a commotion
As i get close to my revelation
My fear is your rejection.
How i long the world to hear my obsession
And for you to fell my affection.
I thank fate who has gifted me with this vision
And destiny who has presented me with this notion
One of your beauty and perfection.
Your existence has brighten my being
And my life has a new meaning
But not having you in my bearing
A thought much too daring
Enchanted as i can be
Sometimes I think i am going crazy
For, it is only you i can see
I dream of passion
But not without your permission
I imagine lust
Hard it is in abstraction
I seek your love
How I long it’s definition
2006-06-22 03:26:58 · 9 answers · asked by nauna 1 in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
liked it allot and see it's very potent.Poems come from the heart and it should be said as the person wants it too otherwise it has no meaning and here i see a very accurate description of what you are trying to say from the depth of your soul
2006-06-22 04:18:45 · answer #1 · answered by anastazia 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
It reads well. Put an extra blank line about every four lines though. It may just be just me, but I would format it like this:
My patience gives me great agony
For, the wait of the right time has not been easy.
The pain of my feelings strides with me
But i carry it secretly
My wish is to confess slowly
To mark my intentions clearly
But only in you i can.
Suddenly i feel a commotion
As i get close to my revelation
My fear is your rejection.
How i long the world to hear my obsession
And for you to fell my affection.
I thank fate who has gifted me with this vision
And destiny who has presented me with this notion
One of your beauty and perfection.
Your existence has brighten my being
And my life has a new meaning
But not having you in my bearing
A thought much too daring
Enchanted as i can be
Sometimes I think i am going crazy
For, it is only you i can see
I dream of passion
But not without your permission
I imagine lust
Hard it is in abstraction
I seek your love
How I long it’s definition
2006-06-22 10:34:18 · answer #2 · answered by diogenese19348 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's really good. It has an unmeasurable amount of depth, which is key in poetry, so I give your poem an A+! Keep writing!
2006-06-22 10:32:02 · answer #3 · answered by Shannon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a song.
Not a poem.
I like it anyway.
"Tiger, tiger burning bright in the forest of the night."
poem.
"You may say I'm a dreamer But I'm not the only one"
song
Man, am I going to get burned for this statement. >:-)
2006-06-22 10:30:42 · answer #4 · answered by Puppy Zwolle 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like it, but sometimes the rythm and the rhyming and the timing seem a bit off... but it's still good...how about a 7 out of ten?
2006-06-22 14:10:30 · answer #5 · answered by honesty*from*emily 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well for me it's a bit scattered and i'm not totally sure of what you are saying. but at the same time i dig it.
2006-06-22 10:33:32 · answer #6 · answered by B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem very distressed
2006-06-22 10:30:07 · answer #7 · answered by WDubsW 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
blark.
2006-06-22 10:49:10 · answer #8 · answered by captflapdoodle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
... i red it
2006-06-22 10:32:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋