How do I get a female to back off that is coming on way too strong that I have been friends with for a long time without hurting our friendship, and she will find out that my x-wife and I are back together???? We started dating briefly and now I can't shake her. I'm not trying to cheat on anyone , I'm trying to get out of this mess , but I don't want eigther one knowing about the other, how do I get this girl out of the picture? advise from women please?
2006-06-22 02:28:50 · 17 answers · asked by hammer2dead 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
And to those few of you calling me a jerk, that is exactly what I'm trying not to be, thankyou, tha's why I'm looking for a peasefull resolution for eveyone, I never used anyone, just started something with a friend that I shouldn't have, and she knew my situation, but I never expected her to cling on anything like this.
2006-06-22 03:11:27 · update #1
And it wasn't just me that got this started, she was a big influence in us going out .
2006-06-22 03:13:24 · update #2
You need to be honest to both women, You just got back with your wife, don't let her hear this from anyone but you. This is the fastest way to ruin trust. Be nice to the Friend, tell her you like her but only want to be friends. You can also tell her that you may be working things out with your wife. Don't let both women think you have been leading them on. you can loose your wife for good and that doesn't sound like what you want. Tell HER Now. Marriage is a blessing and your wife's feelings should come first. if the friends gets mad then so what. At least your wife knows you're not trying to play games with her.
2006-06-22 04:50:00 · answer #1 · answered by LisaMarie 1 · 5⤊ 1⤋
What's "briefly"? A couple weeks? Several weeks? This friend of yours has probably liked you for some time and chances are she'll be upset that you're calling things off. As far as you going to another woman might just make that blow even harder. Especially if sex was involved, she'll most likely think you used her. My friends husband had an affair, when he tried to tell the other woman he was going back to his wife she called his wife and told her everything. A woman scorned is a bad thing. It's always hard to try to keep two people from knowing about eachother, there's usually someone who knows someone, who said they saw so and so together, and people talk. If possible, kiss up as much as you can to the friend, say how much you value your friendship and let her down easy. I would not mention you going back to your ex though. I had a close guy friend that once tried to kiss me and I did what I said and it all worked out, no feeling hurt, and we were still buddies.
Best of luck with this sticky situation! And hopefully the 2nd time around works out!
2006-06-22 10:32:52 · answer #2 · answered by honeybaby729 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would advise you to be honest and tell your lady friend your situation. If you're completely honest from the start, she will respect you more than if you keep it under wraps. I would also tell you that no matter what you do, it will hurt her because I'm sure she has very strong feelings for you. Like I said, in order for this to work in your favor, you should be completely honest with her and tell her that you're back with your wife. Being honest is the best thing you can do and even tell her that you don't want to hurt her and you don't want to cheat on anyone. By telling her that you will ultimately build something to the friendship. Key: Be honest and sweet. Maybe explain it to your ex-wife before acting on it and take your naggy-lady friend out to dinner and take her back to her place and explain everything to her there. However you do it, let her know that you mean well. Good luck!
2006-06-22 09:52:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The very first thing you need to do is tell your ex what the whole deal is....you don't want your friend whispering nasty rumors in her ear that might completely blow your reconciliation. Then next thing to do is sit your friend down and have an open and honest talk about whats going on in your life. Tell her you don't want the friendship to end (but be prepared for it to be). The best way is to be honest with both, that way it will no longer be a "mess". You'll be able to hold your head up high knowing you've done the right thing....even if it does hurt some feelings.
2006-06-22 09:39:15 · answer #4 · answered by Justlookin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you told her, point blank, that you are not interested in a relationship with her? That's what you need to do - come clean, and, while being kind, say, "I am getting back together with my ex-wife. I feel we need to give our marriage another shot. I'd like for us to be friends, but if you need some space for a while I understand."
One final word: if you've been avoiding her calls or doing a "fade-out", rather than coming clean, then you're a jerk and no wonder she's upset!
2006-06-22 09:39:21 · answer #5 · answered by mybrilcareer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U need to let her know that u have decided that it is better to be friends. Do u think its possible to keep this from ur wife?? It would not be a good thing if ur wife finds out from someone else(which i am sure she will!) Just be honest and you won't have to worry about anything. If u lie, u will have to keep lying to cover up the lies u first told. It sounds cheesy but I guess Honesty IS the best policy...
2006-06-22 09:38:27 · answer #6 · answered by ladymay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you aren't honest with both women you are headed for a blow up. If they find out about each other and it doesn't come from you, you are going to look like a jerk and that you were trying to be sneaky and pull one over on them both. Come on, you've got to lay it all out. Don't start off your new relationship with your ex wife by lying to her.
2006-06-22 09:42:47 · answer #7 · answered by GAgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
umm u dated her and now u wanna dump her, oh ur real nice, you should have told her from the beginning that ur wife and u could possibly get back together and dont hold up hopes that she and u could be an item. i think u probably just used her at the time when u wasnt getting any , now u wanna get her out of the picture. well gl and hope you dont bump into her later on w/ ur x wife lol could cost u buddy
2006-06-22 09:45:50 · answer #8 · answered by jojo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to be honest with the friend. You need to say something like "I'm sorry if I have been leading you on, but you're a valuable friend and right now in my life that's all you can be. Marriage vows are important to me, and so my ex wife and I are trying to reconcile. I'm sorry if you don't understand, and I'm sorry if you're hurt, but this is the way it has to be."
2006-06-22 09:33:36 · answer #9 · answered by Angel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You fool ! Why did u do that? I feel it is better to talk to your wife about this.I feel that she is the one who will understand you.Make your Ex girlfriend and wife meet. Let them talk this out andsolve it WITHOUT your interference and after everything is over, take your wife out for dinner and gift something precious for her.Say loads of HEATFELT apologies and then see life return to normal
2006-06-22 10:20:13 · answer #10 · answered by killi h 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋