How do you deal with your fear that your husband may 'slip up' again?

Question

Last year something happened. He told me. Right after it happened. He cried (literally) and wept for about 3 days, asking my forgiveness. Now, how do I stop feeling and thinking that it is going to happen again with someone else. I am showing not trusting signs, I have been through his phone books to check calls. But honestly, he is trustworthy, he just slipped then.....What do I do?

Yes, I think I am insecure. I am trying hard to look deep within and get my strength...

I do hate when people says 'love will never do this.....'

Love doesn't mean you wont make mistakes, its just part of our human nature. I know its just trying to find the right balance.

Answer 1

It sounds to me like he is VERY sorry and remorseful for what he has done and that he never intends on doing it again. You will need to learn to forgive him and get past this and let the past be the past. If you need counseling get that too. Since he has asked you to forgive him now the ball is in your court. See if he is open to going to marrital counseling too! I slipped up and made a mistake when my wife and I were newly married but I was truley sorry and asked her to forgive me and she did and we have a very loving marriage now and i have not done this again and dont ever want to either. I almost lost her and trust me it was not worth it. I did not really realize it would hurt her the way it did... I will never forget the pain and agony on her pretty face and she was so depressed and down and cried alot. I dont ever want to do anything to ever do that to her again. Thank God for the woman that she is and how forgiving and loving she is to me. I love and cherish her for it. There is not alot of women like her out there. She is a precious and rare jewel that God has blessed my life with. She is a very loving and forgiving person.

Answer 2

You may want to seek counseling. Infidelity is not the reason most seemingly happy couples break up. Infidelity is the symptom that something else is wrong. Find out why he strayed.

It is in his favor that he confessed. That means he wants to salvage the relationship.

He can't expect you to just go back to the way things were. For now, at least, you're going to define your relationship this way: "before the affair" and "after the affair". This is normal. Please understand that your relationship is not going to be the same as "before the affair". Things are totally different now, and they're never going to be the same.

He has to be willing to be "investigated" every now and then - That means he has to offer up his cell phone for you to go thru and he has to answer whatever question you have. You need to repair the foundation of trust otherwise the relationship is not going to stand.

And one more thing - The less people that know, the better. This is a sensitive topic between two people and two people only. There is no need to drag your friends or family into it, because everyone's gonna have the own opinions. It is your life and completely and totally up to you how, and IF, you work it out.

Good luck. And please know that it IS possible to get back trust if both people are committed. Just make sure it's very clear that if it happens again, there is no going back, and the only step after that is divorce.

Answer 3

I honestly don't think anyone here can help you regain your trust for your husband. Going through his phone books and checking his calls is a normal thing after someone goes through this, but it can't go on forever, or you will drive yourself crazy. It's not healthy for YOU or your marriage. I suggest you both seek marriage counselling. Chances are....that will help. If you truly want to keep this marriage together, YOU are going to have to learn to trust again, or the marriage will be doomed! Best of luck!

Answer 4

I don't believe in slip ups. He knew what he was doing at the time and obviously decided to deal with the consequences of his action later. The question before you is whether you can trust him again. Nobody can tell you the answer. Either you forgive it, decide to trust him and move forward with your marriage or you don't, the case in which you ought to leave.
Of course you can take the middle ground and stay married and mistrusting and be miserable. Choice is yours. Just be honest with yourself.

Answer 5

I say to give him your trust unless he is showing signs that he isn't being faithful to you, then I'd confront him. Try to give him his privacy, do not check his phone, emails, etc. If he senses you do not trust him he may feel that he is being accused why not do it anyway. This is a hard thing to overcome in a realtionship, the two of you may need to talk with a marriage counselor to help both of you get through this.

Answer 6

Tell ur husband that Allah swt is blessing u with a healthy baby girl Inshallah. And remind him that he should be glad that Allah swt is blessing u with children since many are deprived of this blessing. Theres always a wisdom behind everything, and now that Allah swt has blessed u with 3 girls, thats a blessing and say Alhamdulillah.

Answer 7

No one that truly loves another would ever betray that love.

I do not believe one slips up, those who live by the sword will die by the sword.

If you want to love someone more than they love you, then just forget about it, but the fact you keep checking probably means your love for him has been sullied and you will never trust him again.

Answer 8

fear is irrelevant-in other words,will being fearful prevent his slipping up again? it will hold you as long as you let it! it`s not healthy,you seem to want to keep him...(thats another Q in itself...) so you need to decide to not let fear in your relationship. it`s easy to say "just do it" but thats the only way...

Answer 9

Move on, once they slip up they will continue to do it.

Answer 10

Marriage counseling for both of you would be helpful.