Is the choice to be gay tied to sex?

Question

homosexuals might argue that love is love no matter what and love can find anyone and has no limits

if this is true, then, in theory, shouldn't we all be bisexual?

i am completely strait and do not believe this, but am i not right?

i can say right on spot that a good reason for strait people to be strait is because we want children to call part of us (genetically).

basically, my question is, are homosexuals only homosexuals for the sex since if they really believe that love could find anyone, they would be bisexual? (ruling out strait people only being strait for sex since there is a reason as i have given for this)

my question wasn't answered in the first response

and just to address it anyways, i chose to be strait and believe no one can be born strait, gay, smart, or dumb

my question is, born gay or not, are homosexuals only attracted to the same sex for the act of sex?

it makes sense to me seeing as how if suposidly love can find anyone, they rule out all oposite sex as a choice for a partner

i am expluding starit people from this claim because i can see a valid reason why they would rule out all of the same sex as a choice for a partner: they can have a child of their own

i know i made my choice because before i had hit puberty, i liked neither girls nor guys

the moment i decided to like girls, my decision was made and i closed my mind to any other way

now that my decision has been made, i cannot go back on it

i find problems in your theory, concoction

for one, homosexuality is one's attraction to the opposite sex, making your statement regarding that incorrect

also, my question is yet again unanswered

let me make it more basic:

what do same sex homosexual couples have that opposite couples don't have that would make them rule out the opposite sex completely?

Answer 1

My answer depends on your definition of gay.

To the vast majority of homosexuals, there is no choice in their attraction to same sex partners. The love they express for one another IS AS VALID as that between a heterosexual couple.

This does not mean that they would argue love blinds one to the gender of their partner.

if your definition of gay includes (or is proposing the inclusion of) bisexuals (as a subset):

Then I would suggest you know very little about bisexual attraction (as well as ignorance of the issues which differentiate homo- and bisexuality). I am bi and I look for DIFFERENT qualities in partners of different genders. There will be very few (if any at all) bisexuals who are "looking for a hole, any hole - just so long as it's warm" (apologies for the crudity of this last phrase).

Prof Richard Dawkins proposed that the Selfish Gene is what drives the requirement for procreation, that is: it is at a genetic level (not higher brain function - where love resides) that the compulsion for propagation of the genetic strand resides. Read his book on the topic - see if that convinces you.

Answer 2

Homosexuals do not say that love is love and that therefore anyone could find anyone. They say love is love and ought to be treated the same -- a VERY different statement. I normally don't bother with semantic arguments -- but it seems like understanding of semantics is what led to your question and its myraid follow-ups.

By no stretch do I believe that a straight person could choose a same sex partner to love and have sex with -- nor do I believe that a gay person could choose an opposite sex partner to love and have sex with.

I see the two as linked in an intimate relationship. If you do not see them as linked Isuggest that you examine the reasons why. too much religious training perhaps? Asexual tendencies? What?

You note that you are straight, you clearly have a definitive identity as a heterosexual. Why do you think that I do not have one as a homosexual?

I, by the way, do actually suspect that bisexuality should be the default condition of the species, but it isn't -- and in studies of animals, they too seem to have homosexual and heterosexual members (see Bagemihl, Bruce; Biological Exuberance; St. Martin's Press).

If you are asserting that biological imperatives are stronger among heterosexuals than among homosexuals in the 4th paragraph of your question. I suspect you are correct.

As for the basic question in paragraph 5, the part of it that I can interpret has been answered above, and relates entirely to a semantic misdefinition of what people mean when they say that love could find anyone. But let me elaborate.

I have straight male friends who love me with all their hearts -- some have been my friends for 20 years or more -- several I helped finish raising. I love them as well, just as much as I love my partner. Sex however is not, and never would be an option. Our love is without question (arguing we dont' really love one another might be safe with me, I'm not real sure it would be with them, particularly with Everett) -- some of them, years ago, before Jonathan and I became a couple, even went dancing with me, so that I didn't have to go alone. There is not a one of them that would pull away if I grabbed his hand in public, or that would think anything of it -- none of that changes the fact that they are straight and I am gay. For me to be fulfilled in a relationship, a blend of love, intimacy and sex is required. Jonathan can give me that and does -- we have been together nearly 15 years. My beloved friends can give me love and intimacy to a degree -- but not sex at all. The fact I love them and they love me does not change what any of us are, and cannot.

If what you are asserting is that homosexuality is a choice -- bullshit. I know better, and if you are honest at all, so do you. If what you are asserting is that being gay is all about sex -- bullshit again, relationships like Jonathans and mine are everywhere. If on the other hand you are asserting that the defining feature that separates truly close platonic love and intimacy from actual long term relationships is the sexual components that the former cannot have and the latter must -- then yes, you are right.

Regards,

Reynolds Jones
Schenectady, NY
http://www.rebuff.org
[e-mail]

Answer 3

The definition of GAY is not having sex with just any one. Being gay is a an attraction to the same sex. When heterosexual people met someone they like, and they get that tingly feeling all over, that's a sign, that maybe this could end up in a relationship. Well gay people get that same feeling, but, for a person of the same sex ;its the same thing its not just sex, but the liking the person, getting along, having fun doing things, this is what builds a strong foundation for any relationship. People have misconceptions about gays, that it's all about sex, IT"S NOT, love is the major component just as in a heterosexual relationship.

Answer 4

Well going with your theory, I am not gay. I have only ever loved men. I have just never met a female that does anything for me. But I have met heaps of men. I have slept with females before, on all except one occaison, i was imagining it was a man I was with. the one time i didnt I couldnt get it up.

But i agree with your theory. If love knows no bounds then why cant I love a woman.

If I had the choice then I would be happily married with 2.4 kids living in a house with a white picket fence.

I guess the reason that I like men and not girls is the same as the reason that I like beer and not bourbon, Just because that is the way it is. I do not choose to dislike bourbon, just like I do not choose to not like females

Answer 5

being gay is not just a feeling, it's expressed in form of relationships. The essential thing about relationships is being together, not sex. Am not gay. A good reason for people who "are together" (or infact partners) to have sex is that if one of them feels the need to have sex later on or is sexually oriented, it should not resulting in cheating, as in going to have sex with soemone other than the one you are with just because sex was never part of the deal or because your realtionship is not sex based. So in essence, once you are with someone, in a relationship whether gay or not, you are expected to do everything with that person and I mean everything that might incite jealousy from the person, including sex. Being gay or straight is not just a description its a lifestyle, people will see it, the person will act it out and not just think it.
If someone is attracted to ppl of the same sex, that doesn't make that someone gay, what makes the person gay is when he/she goes ahead to date or get involved in a relationship with the same sex person...and you know what a relationship involves (or should involve to be realistic)

Answer 6

I'd have to say no, it is not. Of course, I don't believe one's sexuality is a choice either.

On the other hand, one begs the question: is the choice to be straight tied to sex? (Actually, this is merely a rhetorical question.)

At one point in my life I abstained from having sex for about ten years. I entered that period thinking, "the difference between Gay's and Straight's is sex."

At the end of that period my point of view changed. I learned that sex is the ONLY thing Gay's and Straight's have in common.

I had no sex with anyone for a decade...and I was still Gay when that period of time ended. It was crystal clear that sex is only one facet of my being Gay much, as I would suspect, that sex is just one facet of being straight.

Answer 7

OK, GWM here. I know this one guy, married to a nice woman, you know its one of those "I love you more. No, I love you more" relationships. They love each other, way lots.
They are exploring their bi sides.
She has relations with females, including one she calls her girlfriend.
He has relations with males too.
I've talked with them in detail about this. They love each other, and could not love members of the same sex. The physical act of sex, they each enjoy both with each other, and with members of their own gender, but emotionally, she has said "I could not set up house with a woman" Her hubby meets her emotional needs, and she meets his.
the distinction would be, I think, from the greek words for love, Eros (romantic) and Philos (erotic).
I, as a GM, could not see myself living with a female as a life partner.
I don't think everyone is bisexual. some folks are, but while I could have sex with a woman, I would not feel romantic towards her.
a celibate gay man is still gay, just as a straight man trapped alone on a desert island is still straight.
Basically, it's about the "heart" (really the brain) not the groin.

Answer 8

No, homosexuals are don't choose to be gay. They are born it. It's just like you are born not liking some kind of food or stuff like that. And no, they are not just homosexual for sex. They are homosexual because they love someone of their own sex and sex is just a bonus.

And no! I am not homosexual. I am bi.

Answer 9

human sexuality is very diverse... a bisexual with a low sex drive may live their entire lives believing they are heterosexual because they live in a heterosexual society that expects them to be heterosexual... and they don't have strong feelings or motivation to feel or believe otherwise. likewise a homosexual with a high sex drive may be imprisoned or executed at a young age because despite their society having very very powerful taboos against homosexuality (as in middle eastern countries) they cannot help but be who they are. Of course gender and sexuality are tied to sex, absolutely. Even if we have low sex drives and are virtually androgynous, NOT being sexual is still part of our sexual identity. We all have sexual identity, male, female, masculine, feminine, gay, straight... etc...

Answer 10

Homosexuals do not "choose" to be gay. It's something they are! It's the same with people that are straight. Someone's sexuality is not a choice, it is something they are born with and then later develop.