My ex has three children from a previous marriage, and one daughter with me, during our marriage he was abusive and caused many a row with me and the first ex wife and her new husband. I was the in between messenger and peace maker.
Each time he picks up our daughter he spends it all at her place or going out with THEM, his older children are late teens, our daughter is only 6. she is confused and when i question it or complain politely he says i am entitled to my opinion, i just want him to have some one on one sometimes with her. What's he playing at??? how can the new husband accept this? he stayed there last night with all four of his kids. My daughter is NOT happy with this arrangemnt but it falls on deaf ears with him, she wet the bed last night but he blamed it on water consumption, i know it was distress..do I have any grounds?
P.S i'm well rid of him so theres no question of my feelings for him beinbg a denominator in this.
2006-06-21 21:18:03 · 15 answers · asked by littlestarr02 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Its NOT the only way to see his kids, he can see them whenever he likes and has his own place 20 minutes away
2006-06-21 21:23:34 · update #1
He was abusive with his first ex, AND with me, of course i didnt know this until much later after we married. i put up with them FIGHTING for 11 years. they hated each other, and nOW they are best friends and her new husband of who she has had three further children with, all accept it???
His older two daughters bullied her and he said it was part of growing up.. he does scare me but she loves her dad and he has never hurt 'her'. But..you know? Am I over reacting?
2006-06-21 21:40:11 · update #2
no Sarah you are not overacting the guy is a user and it is his 1st ex who is still being used as for her husband what a wimp. Your better off without him Sarah so good luck in the future and tell him your daughter is unhappy with the arrangements if it carries on making her unhappy get help to make the arrangement you want legal.
2006-06-22 00:36:27 · answer #1 · answered by andy f 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I think the main issue here is your daughter, she is not happy in this situation (the situation doesn't sound the norm but if she was having a good time you might allow it to continue with a watchful eye).
Have a talk with your daughter and find out exactly how she feels about the situation, has anyone been unkind to her etc.
If he is an abusive man he's not going to make the A list as a good father so I would see a social worker and a lawyer.
Get as much advice as you can from everyone. I would make an appointment with her teacher, perhaps this is upsetting her in school as well, explain the situation to her and get all your facts together.
Basically if it were my child, once I had determined she was not happy going there, I would do everything in my power to prevent it, I'm not saying it is right to say to him, 'She's not feeling well' or to have an appointment on that day or simply be out when he calls and work on putting an end to the situation unless he will sit down and consider his little girl's needs. I know its not an easy situation and I do sympathise with you, keep trying and things will get better.
2006-06-21 21:34:52 · answer #2 · answered by Sam k 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It all sounds a little disturbing to me. Convenience i think may be playing a part but the most worrying aspect is how your 6 yr old daughter is being affected by his actions.
I dont really know all the facts but from what you have written my guess is that he still holds a torch for his ex.
It's a shame becasuse your daughter is very young and she doesn't really need to be pushed and pulled so many ways. I would seriously take on a strategy that doesnt affect her perhaps even change the rules a little. He should take her out on his own.
2006-06-21 21:38:58 · answer #3 · answered by Scatty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They could be spending time together becuase they are still friends. you have to remember that you will always have feelings for your ex-lover, well, maybe not as strong as they used to be but nothing will ever brake that type of bond. he also has children with this woman so of course hes going to spend time with her and her new husband because he probably wants to know what type of enviornment his children will be living in after he has left the picture. If he spends time with her and her husband maybe every other week or less than u have nothing to worry about, its just a curious habit. If it goes on almost everyday than i suggest you start questioning him.
2006-06-21 21:28:34 · answer #4 · answered by Desi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are remarried and if your Ex husband is coming to stay with you, first question is why your new husband allowing him? Now a days it's your personal life with your new husband and your Ex should not disturb you.
Remember he is Ex, check the meaning of Ex........something that is your past so focus on feelings of your 6 years old daughter !!!
Avoid him......
2006-06-21 21:28:02 · answer #5 · answered by X P 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to stress to your ex that your child's happiness is paramount here - it isn't about what you think or need, or about what he thinks or needs, your daughter comes first, and if she is uncomfortable going to stay with his ex and his other children then it is clear that he should not be doing it!!
Ex husbands have a knack of doing exactly what they want when it comes to the children (I know from experience!!) You must try to be strong and make him realise that your daughter is suffering - it is hard enough for kids when parents split - he should not be making it harder for her to understand
2006-06-21 21:25:36 · answer #6 · answered by Lupee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hes playing FAVOURITES unfortunately either u can beat him at his own game for sake of his daughter so he comes around or ignore him get him out of ur daughter and ur life for good.What good is he as a father if he wont spend time with his daughter and play favourites
2006-06-21 21:24:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has a lot of history with his ex, and maybe they are still friends... And maybe more...
I'd be concerned about the loss of time spent with your daughter... That is wrong... Perhaps it is time to give him an ultimatum... Either he just spends time with her and give her lots of love and affection or go away and leave her alone...
Perhaps it is his age or some other mental issue...
2006-06-21 21:28:40 · answer #8 · answered by Forlorn Hope 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It definatly sounds like a weird thing to do...why would his ex and her husband want him there??? The main thing thoough is that he is being very inconsiderate of your feelings. Is he really aware of how you are feeling? If he knows you don't like it I think he is being really out of order.
If he doesn't care about your feelings then there is no relationship there.
Good luck anyway!
2006-06-21 21:29:30 · answer #9 · answered by ripple 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people make better friends than lovers!! I know two couples that way. They are divorced but remained great friends!!
2006-06-21 21:23:18 · answer #10 · answered by Maimee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋