Do you ever get into an argument with your partner when you two are preparing for baby making and call it off?

Question

This happened to me tonight and it's the reason I'm here right now. I am so completely down about it that I can't sleep, just feeling so hopeless about my chances and frustrated at losing an opportunity. Does anyone ever argue but continue on with it anyway, even though the mood is completely ruined, just to not miss any chance to conceive?

Answer 1

Yes! We are going through the same thing right now. We've been TTC for 14 months now, and on many occasions have gotten into arguments about it. It got to a point a few months ago where we were fighting so much that he finally said to me "if this is what it's going to do to our relationship, then I don't want to try anymore." That's when I realized that I really need to relax and just let what's going to happen, happen. He said he began to feel like the only reason I wanted to have sex with him is to have a baby, and that I didn't enjoy it anymore. He said he felt like just a sperm donor. It was heart-breaking to me, but I couldn't argue with him.

I know how you feel that even if you're arguing, if you're ovulating, you still want to do it because you don't want to miss your window of opportunity. I know it's totally ridiculous, but we just can't help it, especially when we want a baby so bad.

I don't have any suggestions on how to make it better, or stress about it less, other than to say to don't take the romance out of it. Do whatever you can to make your husband feel special and feel like you want to have sex with him whether you're going to make a baby or not. And, make sure that you don't stop having sex the day you ovulate... this makes them really suspicious. ;-)

Good luck to you. My heart goes out to you because I am in the same situation.

Answer 2

Here's the skinny on one man's experience:

Baby making sounds really fun for men when you first start out. Gotta do it, no need to coax your partner or even mess around with too much romance beforehand.

However, the longer it takes, that command "I'm ready, let's do it" does get a bit mechanical and takes the spontaniety out of it. Also, the woman is calling 'all' the shots here. We get no input, expect well...to put it crudely, "put in".

So, of course, arguments are bound to happen within such tight parameters and demands.

Maybe you can get him more involved. For example, planning out the dates well in advance, asking for help in recording your basal temperatures to determine ovulation or discussing whether he wants a boy or girl.

The problem seems very immediate but maybe some longer term planning would make him, and you, feel more at ease. My advice, talk it through as with any argument. It's unfortunate that there is such a small "ideal" window of time for baby making. "Taking it easy" is the most popular advice anyone usually hears about it but unfortunately, seems to be the best advice.

Hang in there. I do feel for you. And best of luck.

Answer 3

Having sex just to make a baby puts a huge amount of pressure on two people and it can cease to be sexy. Partners need to want each other. Partners need passion and emotion and affection.

You can use this argument to put those three things back into your love making. Why don't you just go say, "I don't want to fight anymore, let's just cuddle."

It will help take the pressure off so that nature can take its course and you might actually enjoy it. Besides, it's not like you'll be having much sex once you have kids!

Answer 4

I'm there with you....it seems like my husband only wants to do it when he wants to but not when I tell him that i'm ovulating....Then he gets mad when i say that and get into a argument i go to bed and he probally masterbates because he cant wait for anything!