I was molested and I can only remember the first and last time. Why is that ?

Question

I was molested at the age of 7 it stopped at the age of 9, I can only remember the first time and the last time in detail, the other times I know it happened but very vaguely. Why is this ? I didn't even realize that the only two times I remember clearly were the first and last time it happened but I'm positive it was more than twice, I tried and tried to remember because I want to close that chapter in my life, I want to remember, cry about it and put it behind me. Any ideas on how to remember?? Should I care?? I'm scared I might be blocking something horrible and then I'll remember one unexpected day if something was to trigger my mind. What if I was raped and not only molested? Why can't I remember?

I sincerely from the bottom of my heart thank each one of you that have taken the time to answer, this is a question that I been wanting to ask but I didn't have the courage to do so......I am satisfied with each and every answer, they all in a special way make sense and all form one good answer. Thanks you !!!

Answer 1

That's the way your mind protected you from the bad experiences- by blocking them out. If you seriously want to find out, a hypnotherapist or better yet a mental health professional can "unlock" your painful memories and help you resolve the trauma and learn to cope, and maybe even make peace of it. Many people that are molested think that it is their fault. If you are hard pressed for money, the stare & or county where you live often work on a sliding scale payment arrangement. Good Luck-I was molested too as a child.

Answer 2

I'm not a psychologist. But, my opinion is that you remember the first time because it was such a shock or unknown and strange activity. And you remember the last time because of relief that it had ended.

I would guess you can't remember the rest due to blocking it out. You may have been in so much emotional turmoil at the time, you may not have been conciously aware of the activity.

It will eventually surface. And yes, you should care. Someone violated you and your body and it was wrong. You will need to make peace with yourself and with the violator. Don't blame yourself, either. You were not able to prevent it, and it's not your fault. The person who did that to you was (or may still be) sick in the head, and may lack any respect for human life in general.

It's really your choice if you want to remember or not. Sometimes blocking things out is the best solution. I was abused as a child (not sexually, though) and I blocked out a lot of painful memories.

One thing that might work is free association writing. That is basically writing without any regard or thought of what you are writing. I did that once by accident and discovered a lot of painful memories and some very strange things about myself. Long since forgotten now.

Wait for a point in time when you are very distraught, perhaps crying about the memories. Then begin the writing. It will appear as jibberish, basically. But later when you have calmed down you can read through it and try to figure it out.

I hope that helps.

Answer 3

I'm so sorry this happened to you! I can totally relate to what you are going through. I was molested start at 5, or at least my earliest memory of it. It stopped when I was 12. Then at 16 I was raped by a friend, or what I thought was a friend before this happened. I can only remember part of the abuse, even the rape at 16 is fuzzy. I know it happened but still cannot remeber all of the details. I have spent the last two years trying to remember all the details, but have not been able to.
I know exactly how you feel though about wanting to remember it, face it, grieve it, and get over it. With all those fuzzy memories floating around in your head it makes it impossible to that. I wish you all the best! And if you ever want to talk you can email me from my q&a page.

Answer 4

hey maria, i too am not a psychologist so I can't give you a professional opinion but i'll try my best to help. I personally don't think you need to get over it because just realizing that you want to leave that chapter behind and wanting to move on is fuel enough to carry on with your life.

The thing about reliving memories is, from a neural network perspective, it actually strengthens the memory. Perhaps due to your age at that time, you might have associated the act with affection so you might have not remembered it so well.

There are some veterans who bring their war memories to their golden age. So, traumatic memories are not uncommon. These memories will haunt you now and then but it will slowly damp down with time.Occupy your time with hobbies and other interesting activities and spend time with friends.Build happier memories.

Answer 5

You remember those two times because they are the most important.. the day that it started and the day that it ended. You could of blocked something but i would think that if you were to block something out, that it would be the first time it happened because that's the most dramatic. I don't know, maybe you should look into seeing someone about it.

Answer 6

It is probably best not to remember. That will only make it harder when you actually want to have sex with someone. Those images will keep haunting you. Reason for only remembering first and last is just that...you said it. The other times happened too fast and the first and last are more memorable. If you cant remember it probably for the best. Its your brains way of saying forget about it, move on.

Answer 7

I am sorry to hear that and I too was molested but I believe that we block out and suppress bad things in our lives so we can move on. I have recently began to talk about my experience with my husband and I have remember more and more memories of that terrible ordeal.I hope your pain will be able to heal but if you talk about it with someone you may remember more but be prepared for a emotional roller coaster.

Answer 8

well Dear U have been too young but
If u still remember
what happened I mean
the 2 times
that means it was just happening the other times
while u were enjoying it
that means also
u did not regret it
that is why u cant remember
& if u do remember
it is going to be
the once u did enjoy being molested the most
beleive me

Answer 9

What you are undergoing is repression. Its a form of defense mechanism wherein one forcely forgets an unpleasant situation. I suggest that you confront this with the help of a psychologist. In this way, you won't be fixated from the past and it can also help you deal easily with problems to come in the future.

Answer 10

at the age of nine the same thing happened to me and it wasn't until i was in my twenties one night at a nite club when everything started coming back to me and i still cant figure out the details and why it happened then but that was when i was able to start telling people and getting it off my chest. cry sweetie get it all out don't let it take over you because it could destroy you trust me I've been there and i cry and i cry but then i thought why give that person that much satisfaction by letting them still be able to hurt me. in time you'll get over the pain but but the downside is that you'll never forget. be strong and let go for your happiness