we have a son and she says she loves me but wasn't sure at the time if she wanted to be with me anymore please help.
2006-06-21 19:34:50 · 32 answers · asked by David 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The sad truth is, if she was unhappy enough to cheat once, she will more then likely do it again. Counseling definetly, but first you need to decide if you can forgive it. And by that I mean not hold it against her when you fight, trust her to go out by herself again, and not smother her with "over affection"(for lack of a better term). It is really hard to give trust again and that is something you need to think of for your sake and your childs.
2006-06-21 19:43:34 · answer #1 · answered by 32nkikin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that for a person to have an affair outside the marriage presupposes that she was "ready" to do it. It requires a degree of emotional detachment from the husband or wife in order for the affair to happen in the first place.
I would probably not attach that much importance to the physical act, but to the breach of trust and the promise of fidelity. I could forgive, but not forget. Knowing that this would always creep up in the back of my head, I'd have to leave the relationship because it would drive me batty and I'd have a hard time trusting that person again.
The fact that you have a child is really irrelevant. If the marriage is not a good one, the child will suffer more than if you went your separate ways.
2006-06-21 23:54:50 · answer #2 · answered by scubalady01 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me tell you a story. My wife had an affair not because she didn't love me. But felt left out. Now I spend more time with just her, movies, walks, talks, trips,etc.... You get the picture, Love is not all about sex. Yes I am very busy, but now I am never to busy for my life partner. There is no mistrust between us even when we work 100's of miles apart. If you love her tell her, let her tell you she is sorry for what had happened and make that the end of the affair. Never bring it up again. Just so you know we have now hit over 20 years and counting. Good luck.
2006-06-22 05:06:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are both willing to work on your marriage and repair whats been broken you can have a happy marriage in spite of cheating. The first step is you truly forgiving her. Keep the communication open and start building that friendship/relationship with your wife again.
Another good step to take would be to get into marriage counseling asap. Counseling does work and will help with all the feelings you both have and give a clear perspective from someone who has an unbiased view.
2006-06-21 19:56:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK been cheated on before, I know it hurts terribly however if you truly love her then try to work it out. Seek counseling for all of you including your child. Let me tell you though, you may be able to forgive her, and even begin to trust her, but unfortunately as a human with a brain you will not be able to forget. You will wonder every time she steps out of the house of her true intentions, at this point you will have to have immense faith. I wish you luck and all the best.
2006-06-21 20:03:24 · answer #5 · answered by chrissylester 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The answer to this is acceptance and forgiveness. Love your self, love your wife and love your son. Try to work things up to both of you and your family..Maybe there are some misunderstandings or needs that needs to be fullfilled. Do not forget to ask for Gods prayer and guidance.
2006-06-21 20:06:02 · answer #6 · answered by ella17 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im speaking from experience! Maybe your wife did not know what she wanted in your marriage at that time, but maybe it took her cheating to realize what she really wanted, Im not saying that what she did was right,IT WAS WRONG, but sometimes it takes our mistakes to help us realize certain things. If you lover her and she loves you then try to work things out, maybe seperate for a while just to see exactly how much she really loves you. Counseling is a definate, im not sure that I would put your child through it, depends on how old he is and if he knows whats going on, but its all gonna take time. You probally will ahve a big trust issue with her, and she may not like the tight lesh that you will have on her, but you know what you have to know where she is and what she is doing every minute, so you can have closure in you life, especially if the two of you are gonna work things out. I fshe truley loves you and want to work things out then things have to be on your terms, you cant be controling and demanding but, but you still have to take some charge. Trust me I know it has been 11/2 years and we still have our little problems but over all I would say that it ahs brough us a little closer, it has helped us relize our love for eachother, not everyone agrees with this, but in our case it ahs. Our marriage had a big faults over the last 10 years but now we seem to be like newly weds again. Itsa healing process, theres times for geiving also, you have had your feelings hurt and that all takes time to heal. Like DR Phil said the other day you will never forget,but
you can forgive if the person gives you every reason to, they must make effort and prove to you that you can forgive, it may take years to gain that trust back to forgive but its all up to that other person. If your wife makes effort to prove to you that she is changing then more power to you I hope it works out but if she does not chose to obey by your ground rules then kick her to the curb,people can change if they want to!!
Good Luck and Best Wishes
2006-06-22 00:03:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
for a woman to cheat, there are usually serious problems in the relationship that influenced her decision to do that. u should talk n find out what were they,, maybe you did something different but equally painful to her in the past. she might also have been unsure about the marriage and instead of leaving with her son, decided to try out other things to make sure she really wanted you
2006-06-21 21:48:47 · answer #8 · answered by slashaholic 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to counseling try to work it out. It's always going to be in the back of your head and you will never have that same feelings for her. You might hate her for that. Just don't get back together to soon take it slow. Spend some time apart you will need it. Try to start your relationship over again but not to soon.
2006-06-21 21:00:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does she made of gold that you are so obsessed of a wife who makes you wear green hat? Be a real man and you should not forgiven her mistakes. If she can did the 1st time, there will be 2nd times......
Sorry to say that she is irrespect of her own marriage with you.
2006-06-21 20:37:48 · answer #10 · answered by Adorable Mrs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋