I've had 3 miscarriages, doc says I'm fine. but I'm so afraid to try again. any inspiring stories out there?

Question

i had a miscarriage at 9 weeks, one at 14 weeks, and one at 23 weeks. they all left me severly depressed and hurt. i dont have any babies yet. how can i overcome this fear i have that its just not meant to be. or that i will have a stillborn like my husband and his ex had. i dont need answers, i need inspiring stories or anything like it.

Answer 1

SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR LOSS
sounds like you have had a sucky deal in life we have been struggling for some time to achieve a live baby as well.Your probably feeling like you will never achieve a live pregnancy and that its all too painful and scary to go on.

As a midwife i have seen and been part of some pretty horrific births as well as some wonderful stories.
One of my ladies had 3 still births in a row and her third baby went to term and he is alive and well she blesses every day
I see unwanted babys born unplanned babies drug addicted babies and parents that just dont care and think how unfair the distribution of fertility is..
The day i held a 22 week baby thats mother had beaten her abdomen till she birthed and didnt want to see "it", and watched it gasp for air for 4 hours before it died nearly killed me. I had to restrain myself from going into her birth room and slap her sensless or make her watch her child die!!!
It was that day that i changed my life, career and thoughts

I have BEEN WITH MY PARTNER 20 yrs
we have been trying seriously on IVF since 1998

PREGNANCY 1 1998
~ELLIE our first child naturally concieved died at our anatomy scan 18 weeks we had an induction of labour and she delivered naturally she had TURNERS SYNDROME i had to go back to work within 4 weeks. Im a midwife and i work in a labour ward, this was bloody hard but it was part of my healing

We then went and had an egg collection through IVF
PREGNANCY 2 2000
IVF TWINS one died a week before the other and they kept telling me the blood levels were up and then down they were alive, dead alive and eventually they both died in 10+weeks they had TRIPLOIDY syndrome


PREGNANCY 3 2003
We changed fertility centres i left labour ward and am working in a fertility, antenatal practice. We took our eggs with us and had another embryo transfer. THis was a miscarriage at 5 weeks

2005 MORE IVF NEARLY DIED AND MAJOR MEDICAL STUFF UP
I had run out of eggs so back to harvesting i went only to find out i had some major blood clotting disorders and needed to inject myself with blood thinners daily and hormones daily as well throughout the treatment
They harvested 23 eggs and i became very ill with hyperstimulation syndrome with 5 litres of fluid in my abdomen and around my and unable to breathe without support i was near death
the fertility centre accidently damaged 22 eggs and only one little egg fertilized we called it nemo the one the sword fish didnt get!!

I had months off work and finally when my body was better went back to the program early this month we had Nemo transferred and said if this doesnt work thats it at 39 enough is enough


Monday just gone was day 33 and i had a positive pregnancy blood test OH MY GOD here we go again


EMOTIONALLY ITS DIFFERENT FOR EVERYONE
everyone mourns and heals at a different pace
Most women say to me i just want to go out and get pregnant againg strait away
Prepare yourself talk to your friends about your loss greive and communicate but dont give up or be afraid

DONT FORGET YOUR PARTNER
hes as much a part of this as you are talk with him share with him and dont let the desire to concieve destroy your relationship life and loves

STAY STRONG
KEEP YOU POSTED

Answer 2

I have RH- blood and I can tell you that just because you have it does not mean that you will miscarry. Miscarriages happen because of a chromosomal abnormality in either the father or the mother that would cause the fetus to not survive. The first doctor you talked to was a moron and I hope you don't plan on going back to him. I was told that I wouldn't need a shot until 28 weeks, however my husband also has negative blood so I don't need it at all. You are probably right that you and you're previous boyfriend were just not compatible. However most doctors start to become concerned when you've had 3 or more miscarriages. You need to get an appointment and have a logical doctor explain the RH- factor to you. I have NEVER heard of the shot being given every 12 weeks as it doesn't even come into play until your third trimester. Good luck and get yourself on medicaid or something if you don't have insurance.

Answer 3

I've had two miscarriages in the past one at six weeks and one at 8 weeks. It left me with a big hole in my heart too even though I wasn't at all ready for a child I had grown to love them in such a short amount of time. Right now I am 27 weeks pregnant, haven't had any complications at all and can expect my baby girl in september. I used to feel like I wasn't going to be able to have a baby and I would never be a mom. Now i think that it just wasn't the right time for them. Everything happens for a reason. While I will never forget the two I lost it will be that much more of a beautiful thing when shes born.
If you are already severly depressed about this maybe you should stop "trying". Just love your husband and when the time is right, you will get your baby.
Good luck to you I know all too well how much this hurts..

Answer 4

I, too, had 3 miscarriages. First of all, give yourself time to grieve before you try again. You have to be healthy before you get pregnant, mentally and physically. Losing a baby in this way is very hard to take. Other people don't understand. Sometimes you may hear that "It wasn't meant to be" or "Just get over it and go on." It is not that easy to do. I mourned for years over my first loss. Nobody understood.

I have gone on and found joy in all the children around me. Now that I am past the child-bearing age, I still find that I "mother" the adult "children" in their 20's who were unfortunate to have a loving mother in their lives. At work, their are many who come to me for advice, and share their stories of what is going on in their lives. It makes me feel good that I touched their lives and make a difference. I have a 35 year old truck driver who sends me cards on Mother's Day.

Although I am now 51, if given a chance, I would try to have a baby again. Technology has improved much since I first tried to have a child. You can tell right away, within days if you are pregnant. With that knowledge, you can seek out the right care, and know your stress limits. If you want to have a child, and you are healthy, by all means, don't quit trying. But, if it doesn't happen right away...give that nuturing to those around you...don't let it go to waste. There are those who really need someone like you.

Answer 5

Wow! And here I was feeling sorry for myself...
I am so sorry to hear of your losses..The death of a child is the hardest thing to ever overcome..I lost my first born baby boy last year at 22 weeks..It was by far the worst day of my life..I tried again after the all clear from my doctor and voila was pregnant again 3 months later only to miscarry at 9 weeks..I was shocked and was hurt..
My doctor says that I will have a 85% chance of having a healthy baby and theres nothing wrong with me..
As for an inspitation story..I have an aunty who has had like 5 miscarriages...All at different stages of pregnancy..She had an ectopic and was told she would never have children and here she is now with 5 healthy kids..
Hold up and be strong..Your turn will come :P

Answer 6

Please don't stop trying to have children! My cousin was born with a plastic stomach, the doctor told her not to try to have children. She decided to risk her life anyways and had her first child (premature). She was told not to continue to try to have children. She tried again but this time the unborn child died and she refused to go to the hospital and have the baby removed. She finally went to have the baby removed from her stomach, and a few months later, she was pregnant again! She carried the baby the whole 9 months and he is healthy. There are many women who are not able to get pregnant at all. Take advantage of the ability to give birth to a healthy child that you can love. Good Luck!

Answer 7

My heart goes out to you. My granddaughter miscarried her first child. Her second child was a beautiful little boy (my great-grandson). About 6 months ago she miscarried another child. She waited a few months and now she is pregnant again. So far everything is looking good. She's about 4 months along. However, she fears losing this child also. My granddaughter has never talked about the loss of the babies. I admire you for talking about your losses. My prayers are with you. Hope this does not offend you.

Answer 8

My mom had 7...yes 7 miscarriages. I have read that its common for first pregnancies to end up in miscarriage. Don't give up. I've had 2 miscarriages myself and I also have 2 children. I would have your doctor check if your uterus is tilted?? If it is, then as soon as you find out you're pregnant, they can "suture" you closed so you won't lose the baby. Don't give up hun!!

Answer 9

hi, I know how you fell, I had two miscarriages, and they also told me i was fine. Then I tried a last time and as soon as I found out I was pregnant I went to the doctor he perscribed me two different pills, they were to prevent me from lossing the baby and i had seven months bedrest. Now I have a beautiful baby girl, shes a month two week.

Answer 10

My cousin lost three little ones (3 pregnancies total) about half way into her second trimester each time. I don't know always how she found her strength to keep trying, but on the 4th try Michelle was born safe and sound....since then she has added 3 more (one set of twins).

One thing that helped her is she got help from a "high risk" doctor and she credits him with a lot of her success.

Good luck....sticky baby dust to you!

Answer 11

My mom has had 3 miscarriages and 4 kids.