When is it right to forgive and forget if at all?

Question

I have been friends with this girl for almost 20 years. Over the course of these years, she has always pulled out the "I don't want to be your friend anymore" card, waited about 6 months to a year and then came back around...no apology. It has always been over things that really did not matter (i.e. the first time I had sex). This past January I became fed up with her "relationship" she had with her "boyfriend" and vented to my blog. My husband and two friends who knew of the situation had access to the rant. She found out and blew up at me for ranting about her negative bs she told me about her relationship. She got over it till she found out my husband knew what was going on. She told me I had no right telling my husband anything (things that she had even told him) and, once again told me she did not want to be my friend. We are 23 years old and I think it is time she quits the crap before she regrets it. I want to forgive her but I am tired of this. What do you think?

I have repeatedly tried apologizing and everytime, she would try to find another reason to be angry. So I just gave up and let her have her time to "forgive."
I vented because that is honestly how I deal with my frustraitions. I had tried rationally talking to her about the relationship she was in but she always said I was just over reacting. The guy she is "with" was not being faithful at the time and he was making it obvious. She had never had a boyfriend before and certainly never had sex before so this was a world of firsts for her. She had always preached to me and her other friends to hold sex till marriage and she then had sex with this guy before getting into a relationship with him.What she does is her right but after the fact she did complain and only let us in on the negative points. After 3 months of consistant almost daily negative ranting about how horrible she thought he was, I had to vent to someone or something, hence the blog. Talking to her about it was not working.

Answer 1

What have you got to apologize for.For confiding in your husband that is what you are supposed to do,for being honest with her about your thoughts. You sound to me as if you have done everything you should as a freind forgiving is a two way street sound like she is very immature.Forgetting never happens but what you do next is up to you if it were me I would simply tell her to stay away if this is how she is going to continue to be.

Answer 2

i hear you but i think you were wrong even though he already knew or watever it was wrong to discuss your personal dealings in detail . but like friends will always be friends the lil things makes it stronger and your right your 23 so you should know by now what friendships about. Just because your friends dont mean you cant agree to disagree girl hold on too your friend us females are always goin at it when you find a good friend hold on.Ps your situation aint really that bad noone slept with noones man or stole anything hang in there

Answer 3

the Bible says to forgive. It does not say forget. We are human. We do not forget, but learn from that experience. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. She will keep on doing this. Don't let her. You own half of this so-called friendship so you have some responsibility here. She doesn't sound like a real friend. Also are you being a real friend when you vent about her?

Answer 4

This friend of yours seems mighty immature..but i think the best thing to do is just not worry about her...if she wants to come around and be your friend let her.and times when shes mad at you..if your in the wrong say sorry and if she doesnt want to be your friend anymore just say ok and let her play her foolish games...shes only missing out on a good friendship..i wouldnt count on her too much..she seems pretty self absorbed and loves sympathy/ attention...just make sure you have other people to count on..but stick by her..its always good to forgive people..for you never know when youll have to be forgiven

Answer 5

Why on Earth would you want her back, just because you have known each other a long time.
If you do, then you will just have to put up with her crap, and accept it, as the way she is. I doubt that she will change anytime soon, if ever.
So forgive and accept her, just as she is, or don't and give her up for good. Some people just have negative energy and drag you down too. So give it a lot of thought, before yoiu decide.

Answer 6

Sweetie, things are never going to get any better with this "friend" of yours. It is evident that at any moment, she is prone to mistreat you for no reason. No matter what you do, she seems to find a reason to threaten your friendship when things don't go her way. As much as you would like to continue to be friends with her, it is not a good idea. Anyone who constantly threatens your friendship is not a friend anyway. Forgive her, but move on. She is only going to make your life miserable. Don't try to explain anything. Don't try to make things better, simply move on. You will never regret it.

Answer 7

Talk to her tell her that your tired of this and that u dont mean to hurt her feeling buut if she keeps acting like this then you if at all possible well have avery hard time forgiving her. This is hard to put into words i hope u understand what i mean sorry

Answer 8

Forget her, I've had acouple of friends like that, fight, "break up", make up, fight. . . .blah blah blah, and so on, all I can say is, forget aobut her. You do NOT need such a dissloyal friend, especially as such an age where your friendships should be lasting pretty much until you're old and burried.

Answer 9

depends how egregious it was and how much they hurt you and if they are really truly sorry. forgive them if it was bad so you dont carry the anger, but do not give them a 2nd chance to hurt you again. i have forgiven my brother & regret knowing him again cause he still trys to abuse me. so please, dont be doormat to the same people who deliberately try and hurt you. if its not intentional then maybe, if it is dont be around people like that. they will only bring you down adn make life harder than what it already is.

Answer 10

all the time