Should I be angry with my husband?

Question

We have been married for almost 2 years and together almost 4. I grew up an only child and very independent. My husband claims to be independent but his mother is very controling and ALWAYS did things for both the boys, especially him since he was the youngest of the two. So his independence is nothing like mine. I love him dearly but he constantly involves his mother in our financial status and asks her for help when we need it. I understand that being young and married (and in school) can be hard but I just want both of us to have control over our lives. When she gets involved, all control goes to her and my husband and I fight about that. He thinks that there is nothing wrong with it but I feel like I am just his roomate who happens to share a bank account. I hate getting mad at him but not talking to me about and involving his mother does not help. I am all about communication. We are both 23 and I feel that we should be dependent only on each other. Am I wrong for being upse

Just for a bit of clarification, incase I did not make much sense; I am not the one asking for money. I have a job and do pretty well. He too has a rather good job but because of some college and work conflicts he decided (without sitting down and discussing the situation with me like he does with other things) to change jobs. I would have been fine with it had we discussed things before he turned in his resignation. He has a speeding ticket that he has yet to pay and turns out he has to have it paid off before he can start the other job. So instead of talking things over with me and weighing the options, he asked his mother to step in (again). This sounds all stupid but she always asks for something intagible in return. I understand that nothing is free but this is getting out of hand. I won't talk to him untill I am calmer but I refuse to go to bed angry. I just want him to understand that involving his mother in every financial thing we do will not make things better.

Answer 1

No you are not wrong to be upset! Those are your feelings!

Answer 2

He should definately talk to you before making any kind of financial decision. Even if it is HIS speeding ticket. His mom needs to cut the embillacle cord and tell him he needs to deal with his own financial things. My husband is the youngest of 5 kids but his mom will give us money then she sends us bills...YES SHE SENDS US bills for the money. Well she did until my husband grew cajones and told her I am your son! So I think you should talk to your husband...when you have a couple days off...like a weekend...so you have a lot of time to talk...and tell him that he needs to talk to you BEFORE making any decision especially if he wants to involve his mom. Explain to him how it makes you feel and point out that whenever you guys borrow money she always wants something in return...maybe write down specific examples...because sometimes in the heat of the moment you can't think of what you really want to say. but I think you should definately be angry with your husband. I would be. I tell my husband all the time..."its not just your life anymore its our life and every thing has an affect on me if not just as much if not more as it has an affect on you." I just told him this like 4 hours ago. Sometimes people don't understand that once you're married its us not me or you so if you go spend $200 on a pair of shoes...its going to effect both of you not only you like it did when you were single.

Answer 3

It seems to me that he needs to start choosing his wife over his mother. If he really loves you, he will start considering your feelings on the subject and leave her out of things. Why in the world would a married man of 23 be involving his mother in the couples finances?????? If there are problems with the financial situation, see your banker or a credit counselor, but tell him to keep his mother out of it. Your finances are none of her business. If it continues, I would get a separate account and ask him for half the bills. Then, all he can talk to her about is HIS finances. You are justified in your feelings and need to speak up for yourself !!!

Answer 4

Well if you love him you love him for who he is so his mother shouldnt bother you. Youve put up with it for a while so why let it get to you. I suggest you sit down and dont get mad and just talk to him trust me it can help my g/f did that to me and it really got somewhere. My mother does the same she tends to like tell me to do this and that and really i cant do anything since she is my mom my g/f too gets mad about it but i tell her "what would you do in my case?" and she starts to understand that it really isnt my choice. So i say talk to him and his mother but you also need to know the consquences of doing so cause not only somthing can go wrong but what if you really do need his mother one day and you allready told her that you dont need her??

Take some time to think about it and have a serious talk to him it should help.

=O)

Answer 5

i was where you are, my husband is the youngest of only 2 boys, and a mommas boy, it used to drive me crazy!she diddnt wait for us to ask, she came over, or called to see if we needed anything all the time, and my husband made good money, only difference is that neither my husband or i are good at managing finances. i would tell your husband that you feel you can manage your finances, when money is tight prove it by getting help from your family, or food pantrys, or get a few hours a week at a pt time job, i only work about 10 hrs a week waiting tables and can make from 90 - 150 dolars take home in tips, where i work they are very flexible with my schedule which makes it easy having 3 kids, but you said your in school, so would be benificial to you also...my job has helped us out of tight spots for the past 4 1/2 years.and i have had to break down and ask his, or my mom for money, but we are now 7 years into our marriage and his mother has realized that i take care of her son as well as she does, and she doesnt worry about us as much, or stop by as much, but keeps in touch regularly, we are a lot closer now that we have space between us, keep in mind that your husband is a mommas boy, when he detaches from her...he will likely latch onto you, so be careful what what he gets away with, or youll just take his mommas place. i hope that isnt confusing...good luck

Answer 6

Neither of you are wrong. I understand how you feel but you don't want to get yourselves in debt or in a whole when someone is willing to help. It's better to get a loan from evil step Mom then those greedy loan companies. When you marry someone unfortunately you marry his family too. Eventually he'll fade away as you guys get more financially stabled he won't need her as much. So be upset just don't show it!

Answer 7

Because of the upbringing differences,u both are facing the problem,tho,none of u is wrong.Develop a good rapport with ur mom in law.Communicate with her about ur life as a girl,and what independence means to u.Respect her for her age and relation.Tell her u would be happy handling ur problems urself with ur husband.If u think discussing the issue with ur husband and fighting would improve the situation,u r mistaken.

Answer 8

No, You should be upset.Maybe, you should reverse the roll if possible. ask your parents for something without you involving him. Independence is not what he has he sounds dependent on his mother. Which isn't always bad. but, the two of you need to decide when it is time to ask for help together, not just him decide that you need the help. I hope I made alittle since. just reverse the roll once and see how he reacts....

Answer 9

You have to be kidding. If you have to ask 'should I be angry?", the answer is not no, but Hell no! This is silly. IF you do not want outside control of your lives, I strongly suggest you stop asking momma for money! You are married..neither of you has the right to ask mommy and daddy to help you out. If you do, and the help is offered, be prepared to pay the price..the interest seems to be too steep for you, so stop asking for the money..that is really very simple, isn't it?

Answer 10

you are not wrong for wanting you and your husband to live you own life. I had the same problem once and I just came out and told him that this is our life, we call the shots, TOGETHER, and if we might need help from a family member or friend we both talk about it first. You need to tell him that he is not living back at home anymore. He is a grown man and he needs to do things for himself.

Answer 11

He needs to stand on his own 2 feet. What's he going to do if something happened to his mom and she's not there anymore to give him handouts? He's a grown married man and needs to cut the apron strings. His mother needs to mind her own business and let go too. You have every right to be upset and demand that this stop.