When I get married I will OBEY my husband. Does that make me an oppressed woman?

Question

When I choose to get married I want to obey my husband(and make him happy) and care for him ..do all house work , cook, clean, bring up children etc...
I have no plans to get a job..and expect that it is his duty to finacially support me as much as it is my duty to care for my husband...

I will of course choose a husband that I respect (I wouldn't want to obey anyone!!! I would not marry a racist or a alcholic, or a philander)

And in my religion I will make a marriage contract so that my rights are protected...

But is there anything wrong with seeing that each gender as a certain role in the marriage..and being happy with that?

Are all women who are traditional housewifes oppressed and uneducated?

Answer 1

No, it makes you one smart cookie! Look, there's a reason why we are designed in two different genders. There are ways in which we fit together, and can work together, that the total is way more than the sum of the parts. But it takes the sort of cooperative effort that is represented by a captain and first mate (pun!) of a ship. You need one person who is trusted with decision-making power for the efficient functioning of the entire unit. You each have your roles to play, your special abilities and interests, and masculinity is naturally more in control and protective of femininity. Mother Nature made it that way for obvious reasons: a pregnant or lactating woman is more vulnerable, and more precious, than half a dozen men. And a woman who is neither pregnant nor lactating gets privilege of the protection and the guidance because nature gave her that bonus for being female. That protection and guidance flows to her children, and the more we do things the way Mother Nature intends, the better we function. And certainly the happier we function.

So find a man who is worthy of your full trust and devotion, and give it to him!

Answer 2

You're not oppressed because you aren't being forced. You're surrendered. You are happy with it because you were brought up to be happy with it, and you don't know of anything better for you. You derive your self esteem from having your husband be satisfied with your duties.
No, there's nothing wrong with it if that is your choice, but in modern society, most people would NEVER choose this. Your rights may be protected in your religious denomination, but you really should sign a LEGAL contract if you are concerned about your rights. What if it turns out you can't bear children? What if he doesn't like the food you cook or thinks you didn't clean enough? Would he still love you as much? Would he leave you to be with someone else if you can't live up to these duties? What if you became handicapped and couldn't perform them? I'm not saying any of that would happen, just saying that people should be realistic in their thinking and not be lost in a fantasy of how life will be.

Just make sure that he loves you for who you are on the inside, and not what you will do for him as his wife.

Answer 3

You go girl! I'm of the same mind as you. I do work part time but only lunchtime at the school my kids are in, because it's close and I love it, but my husband has always known and supported my view that my job is to raise the kids and look after the home. I'm certainly not oppressed! As a Christian I've led a house group and am now doing preacher training, and I went to University (dropped out because I didn't really want a career) so I'm hardly uneducated. I hope you find what you are looking for.

Answer 4

Women who are traditional housewifes are not oppressed or uneducated - they are doing what they wish for with their life. I think there is a lot to be said for holding to traditional family values in a marriage as well. It's healthier, less selfish.

"Obey" is a realtive term- many women will usually work through things with their husbands and depend on their guidance and input, but if a woman has knowledge or insight, there should be consideration of her opinion as well.

And if you truly think you will obey your husband in all things, I recommend you take about 10 years to really get to know him before you commit to that. And make sure he thinks the way you do about everything that might come up before hand.

Answer 5

Here's my take on things. I am a feminist, but I see something that a lot of feminists refuse to see, and that is the fact that if women are going to be truly equal with men, then we all have to start treating each other equally. If you choose a "traditional" lifestyle, that is your choice! The point of feminism is that if you wanted to go and become a neurosurgeon, given the right education and talents, you could and nobody should belittle that any more than they would belittle your choice to stay at home and be the wife and/or mother. Being liberated means being able to choose your own path in life without feeling societal pressure to be a certain way or fill a certain mold.

Answer 6

You're confusing traditional gender roles with obeying. Being a housewife does not mean that you obey your husband in all things, it just means that you are living a really traditional lifestyle. Also, you don't know for sure that your future mate will be kind and faithful, many a man has fooled a woman before the marriage.

Answer 7

I think that so long as you have a choice in the matter no it doesn't make you oppressed. So long as you remain comfortable with what it is that your husband wishes. Women's rights were meant to give woman a choice on what they wanted to do. Just make sure it is what you want and not what your religion tells you to do. I do not believe that traditional housewifes have to to be uneducated after all you know how to use the internet which can be a great way to seek out knowledge.

Answer 8

All I ever want to do is make my boyfriend happy. So, I can see where you are coming from! And just because we feel this way doesn't mean we are oppressed women. If/when my boyfriend and I have children, and we're financially able, I want to stay at home and look after my children until they reach school age, and then go back to work but be there to collect them from school and so be there for them when they are at home.

Wanting to care for our families doesn't mean we are oppressed and uneducated, just that we care! And it's a natural thing for a woman to want to be there for her children - I'd argue this point until I'm blue in the face!

Having roles within a marriage/commitment helps it run smoothly.

Good luck for the future!

Answer 9

Good for you.

Hope you meet a real man with real values who makes you happy.

Do you see this as a way forward for women & men, you know, like a step back that we forgot about?

Or do you live in a sect?

You must see that your choise is not considerd the norm nowadays.

Whatever you decide to do with your life, I would be happy if you told me one thing.

Will you look after yourself?

At the end of the day, you're the most important person in the world, because you cannot change a thing if your dead/abused or locked away.

Again, good luck.

Answer 10

I don't think there is anything wrong with it but I agree with someone else that wrote , be sure he loves you for who you are and not a maid or cook or incubator. One day you may never be able to do these things, then what, will he leave you? what if your not great at one of these things, does that sour your relationship or will he pitch in? My husband helps me around the house and I think he should. He lives here too. I already earned my keep so to speak , I gave him three boys and sex freely anytime he wants. The rest is up for debate.