He is 46, not married has a girlfriend. I am 50, married. He says things that makes me think he likes me? I told him I was having trouble at home and he said he was available if I needed to talk. We met the next week after work. He gave good advise; see a counselor; try everything to work it out. My kids are grown and giving me grief. My boss told me not to stay in the marriage if I am not happy; that the kids will come around. Before we left he said 'do not stay if you are not happy' then asked for a hug. We met two weeks later; I told him the counselor said I should move out to help me think but I could not afford to. He knows the stress I am under and told me he did not want to lose me? That before it got too bad to let him know and 'we can work something out'. That I am valuable and again said he could help. He said again he did not want to lose me. Is this just about work? I want to ask him but am scared to death! I have a huge crush on this man? Help!
2006-06-21 16:18:16 · 10 answers · asked by Suzan R 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
sounds work related or hes just trying to be a good friend nothing romantic from what you have said
2006-06-21 16:47:00 · answer #1 · answered by klynnd1981 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that this could be either... Maybe you are one of his valuable employees and he doesn't want to see you lose your job over all the stress and that he is there for you as you have been all these years for him. Or, maybe he is interested in you and doesn't want to come straight out and tell you thinking that if he does so it will impair your judgment on the situation that you are going through within your marriage.
I hope that things work out for you and I wish you the best in whatever does come of your situation . I'd also like to say that there are two major things that you should also consider: One is that if you are in a bad situation/marriage and have been treated wrong or disrespected and then someone comes along and is saying all of the sweet nice things that you haven't heard in so long that it will draw you to them even more . So try not to get too close to anyone right away. Give yourself time to heal and get to know yourself once again. Second you should consider if he does like you and is making passes at you and if things went any further than that with him having a girlfriend.. then you should ask yourself If he would do that to her then would he do it to you as well if you did start a relationship. Just be very careful with your heart .. Sometimes it is an easy target.
Adding you to my prayers.
2006-06-21 23:38:05 · answer #2 · answered by swhm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough call. Certain extremely alpha male guys do that sort of thing as part of taking care of everyone who is on their team and in their social groups (does he do this sort of thing for everyone).
Most men however, act that way when they like you but are not assertive enough to say, "I like you" to your face. They usually end up in the friend zone, with women who are equally neurotic and clueless.
The fact that you are married is bad news. Most guys know this is bad news and will avoid you for more than anything except casual sex.
Worse, he is your boss. This causes tons of problems at work. So many problems that most places will fire both you and him if you engage in a relationship of any sort, especially since you are married.
The answer to your question is it is almost certain that he is interested in you. However, it would be a spectacularly bad idea for you to be with him.
On a related note. If I were your husband, and a guy like this basically told you to leave me, I would give him a beating he would not soon recover from. That should tell you something about the nature of what is going on involving you, your spouse and your boss. The pathology of the situation taps into biological forces that are pretty dark. Don't be surprised if it ends badly.
2006-06-21 23:28:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like a very nice man and it is reasonable you would have a cruch on someone like that especially when things are bad at home. However, whether or not he is interested should not be your main concern. Your main concern should be resolving/concluding the relationship you are in (staying or going) and give yourself some time to "help you think" as you counselor said. It is difficult to think clearly when you are in so much emotional turmoil. No matter how much you "have a huge crush on this guy", or because you do, you should not want him to be the "rebound guy". Keep things friendly for now! Whether he is interested in you or his employee will become more clear to you as time goes by and things settle down in your life.
2006-06-21 23:28:41 · answer #4 · answered by Jill M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girlfriend if you follow through on this affair your just asking for a world of hurt.
tell your boss your marriage is great and to back off. What your Boss is doing is driving a wedge between your HUBBY and you. He may have your best interest at heart but my guess is he want's a romp in the sack with you so he can laugh in your hubbies face. ( probably so you would divorce and be more available for a fling. my guess is he has no interest in marriage. why he can already have you in bed without it.
I would follow the councilers advice and find a place of your own. some time alone can do wonders for helping you get back to basics and refocus on what's important.
THEN suggest you begin reading
( HIS NEEDS HER NEEDS, By Willard harley jr.
The 5 Love Languages, By Chapman
The law of recognition, By Murdoch ( Excellent book)
God Bless and I hope you reach the right decision.
2006-06-21 23:34:13 · answer #5 · answered by Sully 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you have no plans of leaving your job. And ask him in what ways he can help and ask what he means by working something out. He may just be talking about work but it seems like he may be suggesting something more too. As he is your boss he can get in trouble for pushing the envelope. so you would need to make the first move probably. but you need to move out and find a little of yourself before you jump into a new relationship.
2006-06-21 23:32:45 · answer #6 · answered by dkhae1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u need to really try and work things out with hubbyto the best of your ability if nothing good comes from itu need to move out find a way because u cant see him and live with hubby boss has a lady are they going down hill as well and do u think he will only see u and not her its so muchto thinkabout and he say he will help but remember nothing is free so if he help u have to give in return he could like u as wellbut ushould give yourself a break air out before u jump into something else
2006-06-21 23:34:37 · answer #7 · answered by teresa d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never dip your pen in company ink. Also if his girlfriend found out she might not take it so well. Ask him that? How him and his girlfriend get along and if he beats around the bush you better stop it before it starts. Work realtionships are not a good idea. It may work for a while but what happens when the next nice looking woman comes there to work. Guess who will out in the cold!!
2006-06-21 23:26:55 · answer #8 · answered by bren_jim 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, your boss has stepped waaaay over the line here. He's playing the field and is taking advantage of your emotional vulnerability. Don't talk to him anymore. Talk to your girlfriends, your religious leader, your siblings, but not your boss. That's sexual harassment, dear. If he asks about your situation, just smile and say that you've got it under control and move to change the subject quickly. If he continues with this act, then you need to think about getting another job or being blunt with him. Good luck dear, you're going to need it.
2006-06-22 00:35:28 · answer #9 · answered by sacredmud 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't ask. Well, you can if you want to put your job in Jeopardy. I'd let it go, be the best employee you can be and have your own outside interests. Don't go from the pan to the fire, get off the stove. Good luck hun.
2006-06-21 23:50:11 · answer #10 · answered by asoldierswife 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋