Opinions on marriage?

Question

Both of my parents were married at a young age and ended up getting divorces (then eventually marrying each other and being fairly happy). They seem to think (probably based on those experiences) that getting married at a young age is a horrible mistake for almost everyone. What do you think? It seems that our grandparents' generation married young and did better than we are doing now with such a high divorce rate... I have trouble with the fact that my parents taught me to wait until marriage to have sex (which i probably will) but that i should wait to get married too... kind of frustrating.

ooh sorry... don't wanna make you think negative thoughts.

Answer 1

Hate to say it, but your parents are right. Getting married is wonderful, however, it takes work. Both people must be willing to do whatever it takes to make the marriage work. Both people need to be mature enough to handle the hard times as well as the good times. The younger a person is, the harder it is for them to accept that not every day is perfect or the amount of work it takes to make the marriage successful.
Sex seems so important before getting married. But once your married, it becomes one of the benefits. Great, but not all encompassing. Think of sex like a suitcase. The more sex you have before you get married, the more baggage you'll have with you when you're married. At the most inopportune times, thoughts or images or experiences will pop into your mind. Sexual issues you may have with other men will come into play with your husband. Your virginity is the greatest gift you can give your husband on your wedding night.

Answer 2

OK, this may sound negative, but it is meant to only be advice to you. My almost ex-husband and I had our first child when we were just 19, we lived together after that, until our second child was born 3 years later. Shortly, after the second child's birth, we got married. It was good for a short period of time, but we had child number 3 and 4 about 2 and 3 years later. When, child number 4 was only a year old, my husband did something horrible and was arrested. Now, after he has been in prison for 3 years, I have filed for divorce. I guess, the moral here, is what your parents are teaching you is an invaluable lesson. Too many young people do not realize the severity of having sexual relations. Most young people simply are not mature enough and do not have enough life experience yet. Marriage should be forever, and no one should get married until they fully understand that concept. Even though, I would never give my kids up for anything, I can honestly say, that if I had the past 12 years to do over again, I would do everything different. Listen to your parents, they know what they are talking about. Best of luck to you.

Answer 3

I married when I was 19 and I wouldn't say that I am always happy but that is part of it. Getting married at that age isn't for everyone either. As for the generation of our grandparents, divorce just wasn't something that was done. There was a lot of cheating done back then that is just not talked about. They knew that they would stay together, no matter what. I think if you go into a marriage knowing that divorce isn't an option, you might make it. I have done that and there are still times that I consider a divorce. I don't even like them. As for waiting on sex, my parents always said it was better to wait. I married my husband and lost my virginity to him. There are times I wish we had gone ahead and do it before. Plus, I now find myself wondering what it would be like with someone else. I have to admit, I have considered an affair to find out. I'm just to chicken to do it.

Answer 4

Marriage is just like love and having sex: it is apporpriate at different times for different people. Back in the 1800's it was ok for a girl of 16 to 18 to get married. Just because it was okay did not make it "okay" for everyone. The same stands true for today. Girls are not getting married that young anymore but there are people not getting married for love anymore as well. No matter what happens, do what YOU feel is right for YOU! If you want to have sex when you get married then stick to your guns. Do not let anyone try to convince you otherwise. I used to think I would never have sex till I was in my 20's and not get married till I was in my 30's. I wanted my career to come before love and marrage. Now here I am at 23 with a whole different outlook and much wiser than I was when I first thought about that. I fell for a guy at 17 and had sex with him. I met the man of my dreams and we married when I was only 21. I love this person and love is what drove us together.

Just always follow your heart and let your dreams and feelings tell you what you want to do when you want to do it.
Never have regrets; Take those regrets and turn them into lessions you learn from.

Answer 5

I married when I was 20 to the guy I'd been with for 2 years. I think it was a fundemental mistake because I was not done formulating and understanding who I am.

Our grandparents generation had a greater degree of religion and regulation by the society they lived in without much interference from media, television, internet, or travelers. We have access to a much larger world now which could be the reason for so much divorce. But don't be fooled, divorce is as old as marriage...read the bible.

I am still married (11 years) but struggle day by day with personal happiness, and martial joy.

Answer 6

I got married when I was 19, and I've never been happier but I don't think that just anyone should get married at 19, we are very much in love, and I also have noticed that too with the older people... (grandparents) My grandma and grandpa got married at 19 too (we actually got married on the same day as them) But I also look at my husbands side of the family, and his grandparents got divorced, and the other set of grandparents one passed away, and has a new live in boyfriend type thing... Was your grandfather in Vietnam or anything...? I wonder if that has anything to do with it... Probably not...

Answer 7

Sometimes people get married at a very young age and it works, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes people get married into their 20s, 30s, and 40s, and it still doesn't work out. It depends on the people involved, their maturity when they get married, and whether or not they are able to really communicate with eachother beyond what goes on "in the bedroom."

Keep in mind that the whole idea of marriage has changed over the years, too. Once-upon-a-time, a man would not consider taking a wife unless her father could provide a dowry to him to take her away. Women were considered a burden, because they couldn't inherit lands or work the fields. The dowry could be cash, lands, or livestock. That was entirely up to the would-be suitor and the bride's father. During your grandparents' generation, while there were no dowries (at least not many, I'm certain), women were looked down upon as "old maids" if they were not married by their mid-twenties. Today, it doesn't matter how old you are when you get married. Women are strong, independent, and can take care of themselves.

Don't think that those in the World War II generation, your grandparents among them, didn't have their fair share of problems. People still cheated and lied. They still abused or molested their children. This isn't something new. But we, as women, have shifted away from the "I need a man to take care of me" to "I can do it myself" philosophy. You can thank Rosy the Riveter and all her friends, who went to work in the factories while our boys were overseas fighting Hitler, for that burst of independent thought. We now have the ability to leave a bad relationship, and we do so... quite often. The same holds true for men. We are no longer bound to stay in bad commitments, so we break them.

And as for the whole "sex before marriage" thing, I urge you to consider very carefully the consequences of what might happen if you choose to make that leap before you are really ready. Your virginity is only something you can give up ONCE, so you need to make sure you are giving it to someone special. I know it's hoaky, but it's true. I have several friends who "lost it" in high school to people they are no longer with, and one of their biggest regrets in their mid-twenties is that they could not share that ultimate gift with their spouse... the person they plan to spend the rest of their life with. It's something to think about...

Answer 8

Certainly ur parents are right.Getting married a t a young age invites only troubles as the young couple is adjusting oneself with the other ,familial responsibilities and the self.Inexperience of life and maturity of thoughts adds to unrealistic expectations.
Our grandparents generation married young,and the marriage lasted fo long.The reasons were obviously different.As of today,u ve to be realistic and mature in getting to start the family.

Answer 9

Everyone is different and everyone's marriage is different. I don't think getting married young is a mistake for everyone. It can be harder in some ways, but in other ways it's great - but thats with most marriages at any age. As long as the two people are committed to the marriage then the marriage will last.

Answer 10

i just got divorced yesterday, I don't think you want my opinion.