how can i find my biolgical father when i only no a little bit about him?

Question

i only know my fathers name..... when ever i try to talk to my mom about him she will either say i am to young to care or just start talking about something else so i have the help of an adult but there is only so much they can do without my parents permission.... this is why i am turning to you..... please help with whatever you can.......i need to know this before he dies.......
love always ....
resse

Answer 1

I had to do this myself, too. My mother died when I was very young, and my father was on his way to prison at the time, so I never knew either of them, and was raised by my mother's parents. My father never made any attempt to contact me, but I learned later that he kept tabs on me through other people in town.

I knew from my mother's family that my father was a violent and angry alcoholic and not someone I wanted to be around, so at least I had that. I got to speak to him on the phone once when I was 13, and he insulted me by saying that no 13 year old could ask such intelligent questions, so someone must be telling me what to say.

I wasn't so hot to have him be part of my life at that point. Then when I was older and married and having babies, I didn't want him to be part of their lives because that worried me, but I felt he had the right to know he was a grandfather. By then though, he'd disappeared and I couldn't find him.

Years later I got more serious about finding him, and noticing from my birth certificate that he had "Jr" attached to his name, I went to the local newspaper archives and started looking for his name, knowing I might find something on him or his father. I hit pay dirt. I found where his father had died many years before, and the obit listed all of the man's children and where they lived at the time. I was able to locate the daughter of one of my grandfather's sisters, and get in touch with my father's family through them. It was wonderful, but my father had already died. I never got to know him, and actually am glad that I didn't, from what even his own family tells me about him, but I got to know them, and they're wonderful people.

So, there are ways, there are ways. You might just ask your mom or family for names, just be curious in that way, they may not feel that would be a harmful thing to tell you. It's a start, anyhow. You can email me if you want more information or have any questions.

But other advice you've been given here is sound - your mother may have very good reasons - my father is an example - for shielding you from too much knowledge too early. You might resent it, but she knows him and she loves you. Mother's will protect their children, and it won't matter one little bit if the child believes they don't need that protecting anymore.

You might even ask her WHY she won't tell you anything. At least then you might have an understanding of her silence in other areas.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Reese, I am not sure how old you are, but maybe there is a reason that your mom does not talk about him but she just feels you are not old enough or mature to understand. I have a sperm donor that i have not seen since i was 3 and I am 31 now, when i was younger I alwyas wondered about him and would write him letters but never mail them. I have a wonderful dad and even though he is not the reason I have life and was not there when I was born I love him more than anything.
Your mom is probably protectign you, he is the one who left and chose not to be in your life, or maybe he was so abusive to your mother that she is afraid for you (that was the case with my sperm donor) If you are really persistant and want to know talk to your grandparents or your aunts or uncles, just be careful, I am sure you love your mom and do not want to hurt her, I do not recommend going behind her back maybe make a compromise that when you are 18 she will talk to you about him, if not you will be an adult and can do it on your own, but think about her. whatever the reason she has been there with and for you since you were born. My heart feels for you. I hope this helps

Answer 3

If you know his last name , look up on rootweb to see if he may have died already : go to the Social security master death index. If he's not listed there , go to various message boards and see if his family name is mentioned ;perhaps on the Latter Day Saints or Ancestry.com websites. Maybe there are good reasons for your mom not wanting to talk about him ? Maybe he did something bad that she would rather you not know about . Could he be in prison ?If you are a minor child , I would suggest waiting until your mother decides the "right time". What if this person is dangerous , and you find him ? Think about all the possibilities ; then realize, if you are still a minor-it would be best to leave it alone until you become of age . After all , the one one raised you , and was there for you-is your mom. Trust her . She knows best .

Answer 4

I know that feeling. I asked my mother who my father was when I was 13 and she replied, and I quote. "It's none of your God damn business." At 13 I thought she was right but she would never talk about him. It is your business whom your biological father is and you do have the right to know. I turned to relatives to find out when I left home and thank God for forthcoming relatives who told me the truth and then I went on the search and did find him, mind you it was no picnic and I did not know what his reaction would be so I prepared myself for rejection. We had a wonderful relationship until he passed away 2 years ago and I am so glad that I found the courage to pry and poke and ask and search until I found him. The reason that no family members would tell me when I was young, especially my grandparents, was because my mother threatened that they would not be able to see me if they told me who my father was. Does my mother speak to me today. No. And strange enough that does not bother me because now I understand why she treated me badly when I was growing up...I'm just like my biological father in looks, attitude and humour. I'm so glad that I had the chance to meet him and stay with him and get to know him as a person in his own right.I would not have missed it for the world. Good luck and don't give up. He lived in onother country so I had to go there to find him. And that's another story entirely with serendipity thrown in.

Answer 5

well does you mom keep diary? have you tried extortion. Just kidding.

honestly sit with mom and tell her how you feel that your worried that you'll never get a chance to know him. throws some tears if possible parents are sucker for tears. chances are she'll arrange a meeting.

oh yeah. that is if she knows. its also possible that she doesn't and is afraid you'll think less of her if she tells you the truth. just assure he that you love her no matter what.

Answer 6

umm try talking to some of ur family with ur mom not around who new him.

Answer 7

did you look him up in the phone book

Answer 8

same problem here so i dont know what to say