How do I get my life back after leaving extremely abusive husband?

Question

Trying to rebuild my life after relationship with a...hole husband
who cheated, lied, beat me and f'd up my life...want to start over
and have my own life again. I don't want this to label me the rest
of my life...yet he has caused serious problems due to alomst
killing me by his beatings

Answer 1

Take time for yourself and find out who are you. I know that sounds silly but it is true. You have to find out what do you like to listen to on the radio, watch on TV, read in books.

You need to see a psychologist if you can to get back to being you.

I was in an abusive relationship for 5 years when I had enough. He was emotionally and physically abusive, as well as adulteress. I had to leave not only for myself but my sons I did not want them to grow up to be abusive too.

When I left him all these people came out telling me i needed to do this or that but I found out they were mostly wrong. It might have worked for them but not for me. I had to find out what to do one my own.

I got a restraining order for my own peace of mind. Moved to a place there were no memories of him. Then sat and thought about me. I went back to school so that my sons and I would have a future. I will be graduating next year with a degree in History and Psychology and a minor in Middle Eastern studies. I found love again with the most wonderful man we were married last year. My life is looking up and yours will be too

Answer 2

I've never been in such a situation, but it seems that how you structure your life from here forward is entirely up to you. You are in control as to what will happen next. If you don't want it to label you for the rest of your life, then you need to take steps so that it won't. Come to grips with what happened, let it go, and move forward. Maybe start a career, move to a new place and be very careful before dating again, so you don't pick another abuser.

Answer 3

This guy is extremely f'ed up. Extremely. I've met many guys like this. They're just using their rap/rock etc thing as an excuse to act that way. The man has issues. I'm not saying he's a bad person, there's a reason why you guys decided to get together, and I'm sure he didn't just force you into it, but the way he's being now (AND HE KNOWS IT. believe me, he's no dope, he just wants to controllll controlll controlll and be god),...he's just being a class A grade A pr98ck. He wants power over you, and is soooooo desperate for power and control that he has to resort to violence and threats. This man should be pitied. He's lost, spiritually devoid, morally devoid, un-classy, disgiusting, conniving/manipulative, controlling...satanic even,....and what not. I suggest you call the authorities RIGHT AWAY, 911 if you have to..they'll direct you to the best possible person to handle this f8cking freddy krueger creep. Hey, you want to fight evil? You have to expect that it's going to come back at you, but that's just how evil works. He's no angel, and won't act like one. So you can't handle this situation in a friendly way. Bring out the big guns. Especially if you feel your life is threatened. You can move out immediately, stay with your frends/family, whoever, get a restraining order against him, if he breaks, he can get into serious legal trouble...you can even take this to court. Admit that you're helpless and confused to the authorities and that you're dealing with an EVIL EVIL man...and they WILL HELP YOU. Believe me, this can stop right NOW if you want it to. This second. Don't let this creepy f8ck's fear and control and evil keep you in bondage. Break free honey. You're beautiful, you're amazing, and you deserve a better life! than THIS ****. Don't do this to yourself. GO NOW!!!!!!!!!!! Please don't delay, this may be your last chance. Believe me, change your number, your email accounts...just dissapear and do it all through the authorities. You technically NEVER have to see/speak to him again if you don't want to. And if you do have to go back to the house to get your things,or finalize papers later, you can go WITH other authoriy figures, etc if you have to , to be safe. You CAN be protected. We live in an advanced society honey,.these rock groupie whatever the hell controlling scumbag creeps can only win if you let them. They have no real power,...if they did they wouldn't be so desperate to cling onto it and what not. This man is a total sh9t, and if it were legal I'm sure many including me would make a tight fist, and punch his teeth in, many many times, and then rescue you away from the situation, and kick him repeatedly, for being the scumbag that he is. That sounds harsh and violent but these scumbags DESERVE that. Our society is against violence, and is very passive, but back in the old days...that's what they'd call, street justice. I'm not ghetto, I'm not old, and I'm not violent, but in certain situations I believe these Aholes deserve it. RUN darling, run. Run and never look back.

Answer 4

First thing you need to do is regain your self-respect and self worth. No one man or women deserves to be abused. Forget about being labled. You were in a abusive relationship and decided to do something about it by leaving. (pat on the back) Hold your head up high and start taking care of number 1, You.
Get involved in something that interests you (a new job, school, hobby, exercise) Be proud of you you are and people will see you that way. Have respect for your self and others will to. Be happy. Nothing stays the same. Good Luck!

Answer 5

To quote Eleanor Roosevelt:
"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Let go of the past, don't give it another thought. Every time I have a bad thought related to my past abusive relationship, I simply say out loud: GET OUT, you are not aloud in my head.
In time the thoughts don't even bother coming back.
Another thing that helped me was to decide who is the master of my life, and that sure as hell is not the man who made me suffer. He has no right to have that power over me. So I got up, shook the dust and carried on with my life.
Oh, and in case you want to have another relationship, please believe that you are worth it and that no man can take advantage of you if you don't let him.
Be assertive!
If you are not used to being assertive it takes time and practice to learn this and is something you need to practice on a daily basis. There are also classes on assertiveness/confidence building which are often run by local colleges and adult education centres. The internet also has details of many companies who run classes on this subject. (Just put 'Assertiveness' in the search engine).
When you start being assertive you may find that others around you don't like it and may find it difficult to accept the 'new' you, - someone who can stand up for themselves. They may have been used to you not speaking up for yourself and pushing you around or putting pressure on you to do what they have wanted for many years. Don't let this put you off - continue being assertive and eventually they will accept the 'new' you and if they don't like it that is their problem - not yours! You don't need to feel guilty about stating what you want, need, feel in an honest and clear way.

Answer 6

You have to take it one day at a time. Maybe therapy if it feels right. Remember you have the rest of your life to do what you want with it. Get a job that you enjoy, or go back to college. Talk to your family and friends, get their support. Spend lots of time with the people who make you feel happy. YOu deserve a good life, remember that.

Answer 7

have you thought of a safe house for a while? sometimes that is available to you and they also offer counseling.
counseling is your best short cut to regaining a pleasing life for yourself.
I am proud of you for choosing to get out. Now you need to build on that self esteem and create a happy life for yourself.