my wife and i divorced and got back together. however i just don't feel the same. while we were apart i was very confident and self-assured, but when we are together i find myself always saying that if only i were a better whatever then she would love me more. i am now tired of this and i am torn between staying and leaving. we do have plans to go to conseling, just for a example i gave her a dinning room table she had been looking at for mother's day and all i got was a verbal happy father's day. i know its not about the money but a card would have been nice.
don't really have a question, just looking for some advice.
thanks
2006-06-21 11:55:13 · 13 answers · asked by oilfieldtrash 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
ok, no she doesn't not work, she is in school for her masters. i work offshore and when i am home i take care of the house and kids. i also buy her flowers and cards for no reason, i do all the cooking and clothes when i am home. anytime she says she needs something for school i go out and get it, last time i was here it was a palm pilot. i know the only money she has is the money i give her but all i wanted was a card, could have even been one that she made. as far as the table being for the family, trust me it is for her, she had been looking at it and talking about it.
2006-06-22 04:24:16 · update #1
I'm so sorry. It sounds to me that she takes you for granted and has you wrapped around her finger. Attend counceling and see if that helps. You may need to go by yourself for awhile until your self worth is where it should be. Lotsa nice women out there that would appreciate a thoughtful man like you.
2006-06-21 12:08:22 · answer #1 · answered by Miss Mouse 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definitely sounds like counseling would help. The first thing is 100% honesty and being able to talk about these things with her. Counseling will help break the ice into that, but make sure you both go into it knowing that this will save your marriage. Also, make sure that's what you both REALLY want.
I'm having a bit of the same problem...complete honesty, things on your mind, bothering you...etc. We haven't gotten married yet and are going to try counseling as well. So, maybe I'm giving this advice for myself as well. It just sounds like you do care for your wife and aren't feeling appreciated. In her defense, she's not a mind reader.
Good luck and I really pray it works out for you so that you can find that love you're meant to with your wife. It's also a love and relationship you want to set as an example for your child/children.
I really do wish you the very best of luck!!!
2006-06-21 19:30:07 · answer #2 · answered by midori_margarita 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the counseling may be a good idea, but only if both people are willing to work hard on making the relationship work.
My gut feeling is that you're not getting what you need out of this relationship and that you really would prefer it to end.
Maybe you might ask yourself, hand to heart, whether you're happy with the way things are and if you're not, then it's better for both of you to leave the relationship.
2006-06-21 19:31:12 · answer #3 · answered by scubalady01 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honestly this is how i feel the table was for the family its not like she asked for something just for herself (like a 2 karat diamond ring) does your wife work do dishes laundry take care of kids maybe she was to busy taking care of these things that she didnt have time to buy a card im sure she tells you she loves you everytime she cooks or when you are able to put on clean clothes in the morning. really i think you under estimate your wifes love for you. im married have a 6yr old and have two jobs if we didnt run out of toilet paper my husband wouldnt have got a card. i wish every man could be in a womens shoes just for a day.
2006-06-22 03:45:39 · answer #4 · answered by corvairchick 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me that maybe the two of you have come to the end and nothing else can be done, no amount of counseling will help if two people are no longer in love and it sounds like the love has gone. It happens and sometimes it is no ones fault it just happens. If you felt better while you were apart then that tells you what to do.
2006-06-21 19:28:21 · answer #5 · answered by tarzan's lady again 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would say that even though you two have decided to give it another chance you have still not fixed what went wrong yet. you can split up and have all the reasons why but if you dont fix all of them then what do you have that you need to restart your marriage, nothing just old problems that have not been solved. so get your stuff in gear and see a counselor about the problems that made you two split up in the first place and fix them than you can move on and try to realy start over from thier, right now she is still thinking of those things cause you have not delt with them yet so it is going to be hard to start over when things have not been fixed.
2006-06-21 19:00:26 · answer #6 · answered by Blonds Rock 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are obviously some serious issues buried here for both of you. I would try the counselling and let your wife know exactly how you feel If you are honest with her about your needs and things do not change then it is time to end the relationship for good you need to respect each others feelings and needs and it sounds like she is lacking. Good luck.
2006-06-21 19:05:57 · answer #7 · answered by buffybot67 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes wait for the counseling, only after all measures have been exhausted should you then consider divorce, you obviously love her very much so give it a go, its a chance you may never get back so if you do leave, leave knowing you tried to make the marriage work. good luck..
2006-06-21 19:04:52 · answer #8 · answered by *Kali* 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try loving her mentally and verbally. It could make a world of difference. Give yourself selflessly.
2006-06-21 19:01:10 · answer #9 · answered by L Jeezy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try the counseling. But really I don't see why she would have wanted to try again. It is obvious to me that its not what she wants anymore.
2006-06-21 19:01:57 · answer #10 · answered by taylorkids3@verizon.net 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋