Should I tell my mother...?

Question

This is a long story...

I found out Christmas of 2004 that my mom was married before to my brother and my biological father. Since then I have met him and we have become close friends. I have made a few statements to my mom suggesting that I know my dad isn't my biological father, and my grandma who knows I know has also told her she has to tell me and my bro (i'm 23 he's 26) but she say's it's not true, almost like she believes the lies herself. Should I tell her I know my biological father and my two sisters or is it better not to tell her. I dont' want to hurt her and I don't want to hurt my dad. He is the best dad I could have ever asked for, and my bio father will never replace him.

Also, growing up and even now, my mother is always accusing me of being a big liar and that I never tell her the truth about anything, it's hard not to call her on everything. She's a bigger liar than me!

My mother was not married to my brother, try reading the question...she was married to my biological father who is also my brothers biological father.

if you were to see my biological father, there would be no question to paternity, he is like a 53 year old twin of my brother. I know he is my father because I've seen pictures of him with my brother the day he was born, and my sister and I are like twins as well. The name on the birth certificate is my dad who looks nothing like us, he adopted us, his blood is AB+ me and my bro are O- which is impossible.

Answer 1

Sarah, your mother hates your biological dad . . . why else has been telling you lies for all these years about him. She wants to drive a wedge between you and him.

Thing is . . . you should really get to know your father. I don't care what she thinks. I don't know how old you are . . . but you have to make this decision. If you want to tell her the truth . . . do it . . . and while you are doing it, remind her of all the lies she told you . . . like your father didn't want anything to do with you, he has a new wife and children . . . you will be fit in, he doesn't love you. She may have not told you stuff like that, but she did say similiar things to discredit him to you.

I heard all this before . . . how kids never knew their fathers and wished they had. Believe me, a father want to be part of their children's lives (or at least the majority would.) I known children, who are now adults, who hate their fathers . . . and they haven't met him, because they went with the word of their mothers. Yet their father's were supporting them every inch of the way . . . by providing medical and supplemental money (beyond child support) to take care of their needs, there has even been occasions where their father hired them and they don't even know it is their father and they are spouting off to their fathers what an a*hole he is (and they don't even know that they are talking to their father).

It is sad . . . I have a Yahoo 360 . . . which talks about how those mothers . . . are destroying their children and their prospects of having loving relationships in the future because of their mother's hatred.

But back to your question . . . tell you mother the truth. I want to get to know my father . . . and there is nothing you can do to stop me. If you throw me out, I already have his permission to move in with him and his family . . . and you will never see me again.

Answer 2

Do you have a relationship of any kind with this bio DAD? To prove your point you might need to get DNA testing done to prove to your mother that SHE not you is the LIAR.

Who's name is on your birth certificate? If it's not the man you think is the BIO father I would demand to have the DNA testing done to prove for a fact who is the father.

You need to know this because you could find yourself with a life threatening illness or a car accident where DNA would need to be 100% positive.

The man you call DAD is your DAD...the other man was just a sperm donor!

Answer 3

If you don't this will further eat you up inside. This is such a big secret that you shouldn't have to keep all to yourself. If you keep it without confronting her it will eventually draw you farther apart that she didn't tell you the truth.
You need to confront her to find out why she kept this a secret for so long. Maybe she had her reasons. Was she protecting you ? Or afraid of what you might think of her.
At any cost you guys need to have a little sit down. If you need to laugh , cry or just yell at each other then you need to do that in order to heal.

Answer 4

its hard this as she maybe trying to hide something else from you too that she doesn't want to get out or she doesn't want to upset the life she has. If you do decide to tell her though it could also lift a weight off her shoulder as she maybe worried about how you'd react or feel about her. You have to remember 20- 30 years ago it was an embarrasment to the family if a parent split up etc... so it depends on how she felt or what she experienced at the time

Answer 5

I would tell her, i raised my son believing the man i married was his dad he was just 15 months old when i got married, he found out when he was around 13, he was so hurt, he met his real dad a meeting i arranged, but he still has issues with me not being honest, i thought i was doing what was best for him, as your mom probably did, but i think if you tell her, it may be a releif, she may not know how to tell you, you are lucky to have had a good man raising you,GOOD LUCK

Answer 6

Did you just say your mom was married to your brother?

Answer 7

this is a hard one... listen to your heart.