Help! My fiance has 5 kids. I love them dearly, as I have none besides them. However both moms are drugged out, abusive, money hungry, vengeful women! The courts are no help with us. One mama owes over $3k, the other wiped us clean of over $40k in a divorce settlement her infidelity caused! They cause me and the kids so much stress, yet the kids still love them as their moms. Meanwhile I feel like the one doing all the raising, getting no credit and losing my shirt! I love my kids, but sometimes it feels like all I do is in vain. Should I marry my man? Or is this just too much to deal with for the rest of my life? We've been together for 3 years and the Mama Drama still upsets me.
2006-06-21 09:00:52 · 16 answers · asked by Lani 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The mom that owes $3k is to us in Child Support. We have custody of the oldest 2, but the other 3, the court will not give us custody of. They do not believe the children's or our claims of abuse! Plus she makes like $90k compared to our chump change (I think that has to do with it). Every weekend we have the other 3 I get to hear them say how mommy chased them with a belt, hit them in the face or beat them with a shoe! Now the other mom refuses to send $ bc she sees I have a big house and she's been on welfare her entire life, as well as her mom! I'm only 24 and I'm raising kids by 35yr olds!
2006-06-21 09:14:51 · update #1
You need some time for yourself, alone, in a pleasant environment so that you can think ! You need to give yourself this time and space. If you marry your sweetie and divorce in 10 yrs, it will be harder on the children than if you just agree to be a mommy-like friend. You are asking this question on YA, perhaps, because you know the answer and you need some validation in making the decision. You must really be tired ....you have a LOT of responsibility and are in a position that is designed for martyrs. I wish the best of luck to you!
2006-06-21 09:10:58 · answer #1 · answered by SpongebobRoundpants 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Baby Mama Drama is a never ending headache. I'm in the same situation only with 4 kids instead of 5. The kids are just as stressed as the adults are. In my situation, I am also doing all the raising and getting no credit and I don't think that I would even consider marriage right now for the fact that I don't want to go through a divorce and the stress from this can cause a divorce. so all I can say is take it one day at a time and roll with the punches and do the best you can.
2006-06-21 09:55:01 · answer #2 · answered by JJM 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
me myself have baby mama drama, but i love my husband and i don't regret getting married. I recommend that you let him deal with the babies mama and you should be there to lend him support and advice. Because the moment you deal directly with them they wont leave you alone. He also has to put his foot down and only give them child support (money on a monthly bases) they should come up with an agreement of how much a month. And what the mamas owe that's their own problem there is no reason why you guys should help with that. Maybe it'll even be better if he gets full custody, if they are druggies the court will favor you no questions asked.
2006-06-21 09:09:03 · answer #3 · answered by roxy100986 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I admire you for accepting 5 children as your own. You're a hell of a woman for doing such a thing. If you have handled it for 3 years, you are doing better than most. Honey, the best credit you are going to get is from those kids who already love you. You are thier mother, to them, and they will see that when they get older. By the way, it's not your man's fault that his baby's mamas are dishing out some drama. Money has to be a concern, though. before you get married, make sure that you both will be financially secure for a household of 7 - maybe more if you are willing to have his child. God Bless You, sweety!
2006-06-21 09:11:09 · answer #4 · answered by Littlemissy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look, you knew about these kids and their moms before you began a serious relationship with this guy, so, even though you may want some opinions on the situation, you are the only one who can make a definite decision on the matter. One BM is more than enough to deal with, but TWO must be H---. Wish you luck!
2006-06-21 09:19:48 · answer #5 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust me. Leave it alone. Sometimes baby mama drama can even get between you and the kids and that isn't good, when they come to your house. Plus you dont want to resent the kids just because the mama is f'd up and those values are what she will teach her kids.
find a free man.
2006-06-21 09:50:41 · answer #6 · answered by IT 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, they are not your kids and not really your problem responsibility. However, since you are with this guy, you will be tied to his baby mamas' forever! If you want to continue to live like this for the rest of your life, then go ahead and marry him. Its only going to get worse with time. What is their father doing while you are raising his kids? I would re evaluate my love, before you marry him!!
2006-06-21 09:15:19 · answer #7 · answered by carmelbrown2001 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hellow, I can first say that a kids love for there mother or there father want change rather the parents be on drugs or not they have that bond. you have been with this man for three years and from the sounds of it appears you have been doing it this long it shows that your a loving and caring person. all can say to you is follow your heart, everything will eventually turn out fine for you, just pray that god give you the strength through all of this god want put nothing more on you that you can bare. you will be ok.
2006-06-21 09:10:24 · answer #8 · answered by tmoni1970 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you ought to settle on in case you could carry this for a minimum of 15 or 20 extra years. those mama's are not going away and could constantly be an element of their teenagers lives. Do you think of you could cope with all of this with out dropping your self interior the technique? there is not any longer something incorrect with you in case you agree on you won't be able to. maximum folk could have left by making use of now. I supply you credit for the final 3 years yet are you going to be envious interior the destiny approximately giving up your infants for this bunch of wing-dings? in user-friendly terms you could settle on. decide for wisely...
2016-10-31 06:16:22 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"For better or worse"; are you willing to put up with it for life? Should he past away; will you be stuck holding the bag? What are you getting out of the relationship? How does your man treat you? These questions need to be addressed and weighed out prior to marriage. "Know this above all things; to thy own self be true". Shakespeare.
2006-06-21 09:06:17 · answer #10 · answered by Swordfish 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋