married 20 years. wife gave up about 8 years ago. I have been trying to get it back, but she dosn't care. Is it time for me to move on?
2006-06-21 08:51:34 · 21 answers · asked by Midnight_Rider 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm buying the flowers, setting up the romantic getaways, back rubs, all that - I do dishes, housework, laundry - nothing is working!! and I feel like a looser!!!
2006-06-23 05:53:34 · update #1
It's never okay to make that decision unilaterally. Get thee to a counselor, both of you. If she won't go, go alone. Get her to a gynecologist that specializes in sexual dysfunction. She may have some physical/mental problem that has made her libido drop off the charts. If she refuses to go to the doctor for fear that something might (or might not!) be wrong with her, you need to ask yourself if you want to stay in a marriage with someone who thinks so little of your needs that she's willing to end your marriage to keep from meeting them. Of course, you need to involve her in that discussion. Assuming you have talked to her about it, and she's not budging, then it might be time to face the fact that she doesn't want to be with you any longer.
2006-06-21 08:58:07 · answer #1 · answered by Judgie C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remember that as long as your married all things are a two way street. While you have my strongest sympathies please do not act like a woman and just throw in the towel until all things have been tried. Make yourself a list: Have you tried counseling, seen a professional, guidance, help groups. Do research on what the problem might be and try in every way possible to help her. She is your partner and if there is no faults on either side you owe it to her to help in every way up to a compromise of the situation. That is the till death do us part clause. If you haven't already take an active roll in helping her. Find the problem, Identify it, treat it or consider it a disability and work around it but do not just give up based on the passage of time as you have too much history to throw it all away because you did not do everything in your power to save it. You can always quit and walk away. Kids are doing that every day. If you love and care about her, take it to the end like the institution of marriage is supposed to be handled. Don't let the value of what we teach our children make us hypocrites. Your spouse is to take a priority until they are no longer your spouse. That is what I teach my children.
2006-06-21 09:03:22 · answer #2 · answered by andyman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Intimacy is a very vital part of a relationship. Does she not want to be intimate at all or just with you? Maybe she should see a doctor. I think that something would be wrong if someone just all of a sudden decides no more sex. My boyfriend put it a great way, if after so many years of marriage, we just stop having sex, then there is a problem more than just sex drive. Maybe attraction or something like that. Try seeing a doctor or a counselor, because I wouldn't find that to be normal. If she doesn't want to take the steps necessary to please you, being her husband, then perhaps it is time to move on.
2006-06-21 08:58:10 · answer #3 · answered by ♥ Sarah Bear ♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When is it okay? It's never okay, and it's always okay.
By this, I mean that it is always okay for your spouse to tell you how they feel, and tell you that they no longer want to have sex with you. At the same time, it is not okay for them to expect you to simply say "okay, honey" and be fine with it.
You have needs; she won't help you fulfill them. That's not going to make the rest of your life very happy, and you need to decide if the other things you get out of the relationship are worth giving up sex for.
You also need to tell her how you feel about this; specifically, she needs to understand that not having sex with you is a disappointment, and that you're thinking about leaving. Hopefully she'll then consider if the risk of losing you is worth it.
Here's what you should NOT do: have an affair. Work this out between yourselves, and either decide to go without, or leave -- don't use this as a means of justifying an affair.
2006-06-21 09:17:46 · answer #4 · answered by daveowenville 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they ask they are showing prurience and insecurity so you should wonder about them right away. After all what's done is done and no amount of 'openess' will alter that. Similarly if they are over eager to tell you about their own past encounters there is something wrong. Ask yourself this. Would I want to hear my prospective partner boasting about how many people he/her had slept with? The answer is almost certainly "No." So if your partner questions you about your past life you can bet they are storing the information and that some time in the future it will be used against you
2016-05-20 09:28:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seriously, if your wife is "no longer" interested in having sex with you it's probably because she has never had an intervaginal orgasim. I'm not trying to be funny but the #1 reason women dont like/ want to have sex (as much as men) is b/c they are not fulfilled. I PROMISE that if you buy a book called "The act of marriage" by tim Lahaye and have/ ask her to read it with you she'll be interested in having sex again. It will teach her and she'll have orgasims in like 2 weeks!!!
2006-06-21 09:30:37 · answer #6 · answered by bouffe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry about your situation. I understand that you do not feel loved because of the lack of love making. I truly wish I had some good advice that I could give you to get her to change her mind. The problem could be medical, in nature. If you truly love her, try to work out a solution. But, I do understand your situation. Good Luck!
2006-06-21 08:59:32 · answer #7 · answered by icemountian8 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not that it's time to move on what you need to do is talk to your spouse to see what happened along the way find out if he/she is cheating and if not try to re-kindle that missing link in your sex life. Try being a lil more spontaneous and things like that.
2006-06-21 08:57:18 · answer #8 · answered by Danette 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When your dead.... But maybe you should suggest that she see a Dr.of either kind the head or the body or could you maybe try flowers a spur of the moment gift a romantic get a way. sometime we take our better 1/2 for granite.
2006-06-21 09:08:27 · answer #9 · answered by shamtown 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is ok for her to say that your sex life is over with her. That is her right. However, after 90 days of cutting you off she has legally abandoned you and you can file for separation.
Is it time to move on? I would have to know the both of you to answer that.
2006-06-21 08:55:39 · answer #10 · answered by Ken 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋