what do you think of my writing?

Question

go to my site and tell me what you think http://www.geocities.com/froggie496/writings.html

Answer 1

I will comment only on your story titled "Jesse", for I was greatly confused on what was going on in "Just Like Heaven." I had the assumption that "Just Like Heaven" was a song you wrote down.

I enjoyed the "Jesse" story very much. I liked how used personification, which means "to give human qualities to inanimate or unhuman objects." Some examples of personification in your story was when you said that "the TREES now BREATH the life you left behind" and "the WIND WHISPERS your name." Although trees don't breath and wind doesn't whisper, personification makes your writing "alive." Also, you had good visualization skills in your story, which makes the reader see in his/her mind what's going on in the story. All good stories have this. The story was very deep and emotional, and it makes the reader actually feel the way you did in the story.

Those are examples of the good things in your writing. Here are things that need improvement, so you can become an even better writer:
-You have confusion with prepositional phrases in the first sentence. "The leaves now fall ON the spot where you died, not IN the spot where you died. Makes more sense?
-There are a few spelling and grammar errors. For example, you sometimes put unecessary commas or didn't put any commas at all when needed. Spell and grammar check will solve this problem.
-Some sentences are only phrases, not real sentences. Examples of this in your story is when you wrote "Sometimes I hear you call my name, sometimes in the night when I'm so tired that my dreams become reality." Sometimes in the night whn I'm so tired that my dreams become reality, what happens? You will notice that your sentences are not real sentences if they leave you hanging, like in the previous example.

Besides that, your writing is superior, and I now you will become a great writer in the future if you pursue a writing career. The most important thing is to keep confidence. If you are confident in your writing, your writing will become better than ever before!

Answer 2

It shows promise!

One suggestion, though--your writing can only be as good as the tools you use, so spend time reading online "worst mistakes in English" kinds of things, or style guides, grammar tips and so on. I don't say this because I saw problems, but because anyone who writes should do it. And it's fun.

While sentence fragments can serve to make a thought jump out. Too many of them make your work choppy, and interrupt the flow. (like that) Save those for when you have a bit more experience.

Answer 3

I'd say that while your writing does show promise, you have too much raw, naked emotion showing through, which can be dangerous since that sort of expression too often veers into sentimentality and triteness.
I'd suggest trying for more subtlety, more control. Instead of hitting the reader in the face with what you're feeling, make her/him tease it out for her/himself. That way, the reader gets the exhilaration of discovery.

Answer 4

just keep on writing to be better at it

Answer 5

nice

Answer 6

blah blah blah and some more blah.