I know someone who was molested as a child, and it was reported and all, they have had treatment for the last 25 yrs (on and off for the last 10 or so). She says that she has never gotten over the molestation, and that is why she can't function in society (ie hold a job, refrain from drug use, pay bills, etc). She also has a tendency to not see reality as others do, claiming that things aren't her fault. Is this behavior typical? She seems to think that I'm cold toward the situation, because as I have guardianship of her child until she can get her life together, I do expect her to get a job, and work toward getting her child back, instead of claiming that it's my fault that her life is the way it is. If I truly am being mean telling her to get more counseling to get over it, and to get a job, a car, an apartment, etc. please let me know, because from where I am, it doesn't seem so unreasonable to expect these things.
2006-06-21 07:36:02 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I think that part of it that I've heard the same reasons for the last 15 yrs as to why she can't seem to get her life together. I do understand that being molested is tramatic, and even with the extensive therapy is never really gotten over, but dealt with so that it doesn't control you, but I have a problem with using it was an excuse to do drugs, etc. Also, I think that part of the reason maybe the therapy hasn't helped is because she's been known to tell people, not just her therapists what they want to hear, instead of the truth...
2006-06-21 07:39:42 · update #1
I allow her to call Monday, Wednesday, and come over on Fridays (or call if she can't make it). Since her car broke in October she has been having her boyfriends bring her down. I am moving in the next couple of weeks (my fiance and I built a house) and we don't want the bfs over our new house (right now I live with our mom, who will be moving with us),but her son (5) is getting confused at all the guys coming over with mommy, as she and his father were never married and broke up about 2 and a half years ago when she moved home...I anticipate a fight as to how I'm not being fair, although my fiance and I came to an agreement that instead of when we move her bfs stop coming( which we really both wanted), we give her until Labor Day to make other arrangements, so that she may still see her son on Fridays. I'm hoping that by giving her time to make other arrangements, there won't be a "you kept me from my child" accusation.....
2006-06-21 08:29:31 · update #2
I hate to sound insensitive, but your friend has a very weak mentality. I was a victim of child molestation many times. It took me a while, but I finally sought counseling. I never blamed myself or anybody else. I knew that what happened to me was not right. But we can't change the past and the best you can do is learn from it, not live in it. I'm 23, have a great job, great friends, a great life. I sometimes think about those moments but I don't let them destroy my life. Your friend seems to be taking advantage of the fact that something terrible happened to her and she should really be ashamed of herself. Take it from me, it's not healthy to have a friend who doesn't want to help herself. Good Luck.
2006-06-21 07:45:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 8⤊ 2⤋
God bless you for holding your loved ones' accountable!!!
Yes, this is typical behavior of a victim of child molestation ... this is why it is such a horrible crime to commit to another human being!!! Statistically, she will expose her children to molesters too (like women who's dad's beat them & mommy date men who hit them).
I agree with you on the requirements to get a job and hold it. I too sympothis with her, however, if you are able to provide the child with a better lifestyle DO IT!!! My daddy won me in court and raised me (from the age of 2) ... THANK GOD ... Ok, it would have been super to have a mommy, but my Daddy stood up and took on both roles. I'm too scared to explore where I would be if I were raised by my mother (who couldn't hold a job, or housing, etc, etc, ect).
Sadly, the molester has also robbed this poor woman of raising her childreen too ... but we have to remember what's in the best interest of the childreen; they are our future!!!
Her best hope is to do all she can to repair from being molested ... this should be her focus .. then the job ... then the housing ... then the childreen ... I bet you'd fall in love with her all over again if she'd repair herself right??? Well, if not, always remember the stuggle she's been through ... as a friend, give complements for her acheivments (while maintaining accountablities) ... and give hope for the future: make sure if you have rewards, that you honor them (ie: visitation to kids when she's worked for so many months ... don't renig on this!!!)
2006-06-21 08:15:56 · answer #2 · answered by Giggly Giraffe 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think different people react to differently. Also , the severity and specific circumstances have to be considered.
2006-06-21 07:41:50 · answer #3 · answered by Meg M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess it just depends how mentally strong you are
2006-06-21 07:40:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋