This is a long story, but I'll try to make it short. My dad had surgery about a week ago, and didn't tell me until a few days after it happened. I talked to my brother and sister that same day, and they didn't know about it either. It wasn't anything serious, but Daddy is not so young anymore ~ even non-serious medical problems can turn into something more serious. Here's our problem: when our mom was alive, she was the one who kept us informed about everything. Daddy's sweet, but he's forgetful and not the greatest communicator on the planet. I talked to him 3 days before the surgery and he didn't say anything about it! Should we be upset that our step-mom didn't take up the responsibility of keeping us informed? Keep in mind, she told her sons about the surgery but said nothing to the 3 of us. I'm just afraid that something terrible could happen to my dad and I wouldn't find out for a week. Any thoughts or suggestions?
2006-06-21 07:21:54 · 46 answers · asked by browneyedgirl 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
All three of us call Daddy regularly, and if our step-mom answers we talk to her too. They both know we talk to each other regularly too, so really it would only take one phone call to let all three of us know
2006-06-21 07:32:17 · update #1
A word about our step-mom ~ they've been married for 8 years and she was a family friend before that, so we're all comfortable together and she knows Daddy's spacey.
2006-06-21 07:37:54 · update #2
I would be furious. MY father having surgery, and HER children know, but not me....
I have told my father that we need to be kept better informed about his health, and he sometimes does, but he and my mother both keep a bit too quiet for my liking. We worry, you know?
You should speak with your father, and also your step mother and let them know that you want to be informed. I would also tell my step mother that I feel that I have more of a right to know about my father's condition than her children and that before she shares with them she should check with you or one of your siblings to be sure that you are in the loop.
2006-06-21 07:28:10 · answer #1 · answered by math_prof 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should be very upset. My step-mom is the same way with my dad and I have been through a similair situation. I would try and have a family together and sit down and talk to them together. Let them know how you all feel about the situation. It was as much your right to know if not more to know that something was going on with ur dad seriuos or not. Good Luck!!!
2006-06-21 07:27:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should tell your stepmother that you feel you and your siblings should have been told about the surgery the way she told her sons. It isn't fair to keep the three of you in the dark, especially about a procedure such as that. I would be concerned as to why she didn't tell you, but found the time to tell her sons. Maybe the three of you can talk to her together, nicely, not as a "gang-up" on her, but in a concerted effort to make her understand that he is your dad and you all want to know what goes on with him. Let her know that you understand that she may not have wanted to worry you about the surgery, but that because he is your dad, you have a right to know about those things. If you need more advice, feel free to email me.:) Good luck!
2006-06-21 07:26:38 · answer #3 · answered by katrina 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your stepmom figured your children would have told you. Dad could have picked up a phone to tell you or maybe he didn't want you to worry, either way what you can do is call and state to them both that you would like to be informed of important things such as surgery beforehand no matter how minor the surgery is, you want to be there incase something goes wrong.
2006-06-21 07:27:43 · answer #4 · answered by cutiepie81289 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might need to sit down and talk to your step mother. She married your DAD, so therefore she took you and your brothers in as a responsibility and as a family. She needs to understand how much she hurt you and your brothers when she didn't tell you about your dad. You need to talk to her and let her know how you feel. Maybe she thought your father had told you and your brothers...either way you are all a family and need to sit down and talk things out and work things out and come to an agreement that's best for everyone involved. Good luck and I hope this helps you.
2006-06-21 07:26:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're dad may have decided not to tell you till after because he didn't want to worry you, or didn't consider it a big deal. If so, he could have agreed with your step-mom to not tell you. You should find out, but if that is not the case, and he just didn't think to tell you, you should be upset. Your stepmother should have told you and your siblings about it, especially if she told her children. You need to talk to both your father and step-mother about family communication...but first talk with your siblings to make sure you know how they feel.
2006-06-21 07:25:13 · answer #6 · answered by e_r_c_15 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be too upset with your step-mom.....maybe she didn't know it was one of her responsibilities. I'm sure she wasn't trying to keep anything from you, she probably assumed your dad had told you.
It is a little unfair of you to expect your step-mom to do everything you mom would have done.
You need to talk to your dad and tell him how you feel. Maybe he should ask her to keep you guys informed just like she does with your step siblings. Better yet would be for him to keep you informed himself.
2006-06-21 07:49:02 · answer #7 · answered by kj 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How much do you want to know this?
Some factors are variables: Your father is forgetful, is this an actual mental disability or is he just "spacy"?
If you really want to know this you must demand it from him and your step-mom. Do they live far away? If it's within driving distance you can go knock on the door and not leave until you get an answer that feels right in your gut.
2006-06-21 07:26:46 · answer #8 · answered by Allinone 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to remember it is going to take your stepmother a while before she warms up to you. To be honest she was supposed to tell her family first you would have. Maybe you should get in close with her kids so that you can get info from them or just sit your step mom down and tell her. Don't expect her to be like your mom or to be cooperative. You just have to take e the role of your mom. You have to stick your nose wear it doesn't belong (be a little P.I.) keep your eyes and ears open. Good luck.
2006-06-21 07:28:36 · answer #9 · answered by nina_ross692000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell your step mom that you and your siblings wish to be informed of any upcomming operations or anything that might be important. Your step mom only told her kids because she probably talks to them often. How often do you call your stepmom to talk to her? Maybe if you did, you might be a little more informed. Good luck.
2006-06-21 07:26:32 · answer #10 · answered by JACK 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋