It's not money, I have that. We have two kids, and we are currently separated, he treats me like crap, sucks me in and spits me out whenever, I don't get it why I let him do this to me over and over. How do I stop loving a man that doesn’t love me?
2006-06-21 07:11:01 · 25 answers · asked by xwasanasss 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You may never stop loving him but that does not mean that you have to be taken in by his ways. Seek professional help and insist he do the same and draw lines in the sand. Either or should be his optionsl;
2006-06-21 09:49:52 · answer #1 · answered by andyman 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Only you can really answer this question but I can give you some of the reasons why people stay in relationships like this. Even though it is abusive it may be all they have known because they grew up in such a household so while the abuse is there to a person it is their safe zone and to not be in it would send them into a panic. Some stay just because of the kids, I personally find this reason to be one of the worse reasons for staying. Some because they have no where else to go or they make themselves believe this. Another reason is the abuser has emotionally convinced the person that no other person would want them nor could they make it on their own. Some believe that the love they have for the abuser is enough to make them(the abuser) seek help and to change their ways. Some just plain fear being alone and what they have and have to endure is far better than being alone without the one they love. Some stay because even though they know what is going on and can say this is going on they are still in denial of it. Some people are afraid to leave because they have been threatened if they try to leave.
No one should ever stay in a relationship for any of the reasons I have stated, no person deserves to be abused. Please get out of this relationship and never look back.
2006-06-21 14:26:35 · answer #2 · answered by Sunshine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, im sure that you love him, but honey you have to let that guy go. A real man wouldnt disrespect you, especially if you are a good mother and provider. Your afraid of being alone, but you arent, you have 2 wonderful children. In abusive relationships there are arguments, then fighting (physically), then there is what is called the "honeymoon stage." What the honeymoon stage is when he aplogizes for how he treated you, mentally, verbally and physically. If all of this is going on, you must get some professional help. Save up your money and move elsewhere and DONT TELL HIM, NO MATTER IF YOU HAVE KIDS TO HIM OR NOT!!!. You dont want your children growing up thinking that its ok to be abused by someone who they thought loved and respected them.
Move on, and it takes time because you have been with him for so long, but sweetie you have to GET AWAY. its not worth your life, and its definitly not worth the kids' lives either.
Seek out help, even if you have to stay somewhere else until you get on your feet, then do that, no matter how much you hate to.
You can do this, the first move is the one you have to make and the most important decison. Do it for yourself, but do it for the kids as well.
May God help and assist you in any desicion you make.
Justina
2006-06-21 14:24:53 · answer #3 · answered by nyc_ladydragonsamauri007 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow what a good question and I hope I can help in some small way. Being that this a such a tough question it has required some really deep thought the main thing I could come up with is what would cause you to feel like you deserve a portion of this or all of this treatment. Maybe they way you were raised or maybe the expierences from your past have lead you to believe that he is the best thing you can find I dont know but the best answer for you is to find a way to seperate your feelings from yourself and just be mean to him and run him of and find someone new and better but what ever you do dont go after the same type of man again so that you never have to ask this question again.
2006-06-21 14:19:03 · answer #4 · answered by cydneyblack2 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How can you love someone who will treat you so bad? At some point there should be a lot of respect for you since you are the mother of his children, move on and focus your time and energy on you and your children. Ask yourself is this a healthy way of living, is this what I really want? I think if you just make a change in your life and find something or someone you would eventually stop loving him.
2006-06-21 14:31:53 · answer #5 · answered by tea_cup 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all why did you get married to an abusive man? It was over before it started. Secondly it's not healthy for you or your children. What's worse is that they can grow up displaying that same behavior. Also you have to determine who you love more your self or your kids. You know he's not good for you avoid contact as much as possible unless it with your children, and seek counselling it can help you build a healthy relationship.
2006-06-21 14:35:45 · answer #6 · answered by sassytrini2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are already separated then you are halfwya there. As long as you are somewhere safe where he can't hurt you or your children, then cut the ties completely and file for divorce.
THERE IS another man out there who will and can love you like you deserve to be loved!! feel free to get counseling to help build up your own self esteem after your husband has probably damaged that part of you, too.
2006-06-21 14:15:45 · answer #7 · answered by KB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My sister was in the same boat. She stayed because she was needy. She finally got the courage to leave with the 3 kids, but hopped right back into a very similar relationship...(though this one is mainly mental abuse instead of physical & mental like the first.) She married the first guy who told her what to do. Some girls are just suckers for very bad men. Love is not supposed to hurt.
2006-06-21 14:25:46 · answer #8 · answered by mslorikoch 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you love him and hate at the same time,but don't want 2 see him with no 1 else and if he's that abusive 2 you you need 2 get some back bone and tell your self i'm worth wayyy more then what he's giving you, and treating you ,grab yourself and your kids and be gone baby girl your worth more than that .i luv u but god luv you best.sista's 4 life.and you know something else i've been married 4 3yrs.and i realized i was the abusive one but i'm trying 2 change everyday of my life.it's a trend that i picked up from my father he was abusive to my mom and me and i promised myself i'll never let a man do me like my father did my mom.
2006-06-21 14:45:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because after so many years of doing it you feel it is what you deserve. Your self esteem is lost and in you heart you feel like you don't deserve better. BUT you DO deserve better!! It's also because you have children with him and your instinct is to not destroy the "family unit". Think about this....... you know how the abuse is affecting you, what do you think it is doing to your children? I know what it does to them. I watched my father beat the hell out of my mother for years and years, the fighting, the screaming the beating, the fear. Children blame themselves. They think, "it must be something I did" or "it's all my fault daddy is doing this to my mommy". They grow to hate and distrust men all together. The cycle will go on, so it's up to you to get your children away from this. YOU are their only way out of this hell they are living in. Please, think about them, and get out of this marriage. Stay separated, file for divorce and NEVER put yourself in an abusive relationship again. You deserve someone who will treat you with respect and who truly loves you. This is not love you have for him. You can't love someone who hurts you and hurts your children by hurting you. You will survive. When you get a weak moment, just remember all that he has put you through and remember that it's not going to change. Bless you and your children.
2006-06-21 14:34:03 · answer #10 · answered by older&wiserforit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps this is what you were subjected to as a child. We often live what we learn as children. AND for your children they too will probably repeat the same cycle.
Or, you may feel that a man completes you and he's probably the only one out there. You can do better... No man or anyone can define a person..Only you..Yourself!
It's best you get yourself in counseling and get your kids in counseling as well. Begin to recondition your mind as well as their mind. Besides, you really need to think about your children, it will only be a matter of time before he kills you, then who will take care of your kids. It would be bad to think, he gets off free and have custody of raising your kids...
GET OUT!
2006-06-21 14:25:53 · answer #11 · answered by WhatEVER27 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋