your mother in law is probably jealous that her son has moved on, started a family and has a wonderful wife (that is you). Also misery loves company: you are doing things that she wished that she had done when she was your age. Im sure that you are a loving and caring person and you are a great wife. She also is afraid that she will lose her son that she loves and he will forget about her. Im sure he wont but its fear that he will move on without her.
Keep a postive frame of mind, and sit down and talk to your husband over a cup of coffe or cappuchino and let him know how you feel. And if that doesnt work, then try to approach the mother in law yourself. Suggest to go bowling with her and your family, and ask her why she has a problem with you. If she cant respect you, still respect her, but you dont have to let her know how you really feel and run you and your husband's life.
Your doing everything that you are supposed to do, and you are a strong and patient woman, but a woman - especially a loving wife like yourself - can only take but so much.
2006-06-21 06:49:32
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answer #1
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answered by nyc_ladydragonsamauri007 3
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Unfortunately when you marry someone, you marry into their family. I'm still single but I realize that it is an important aspect in the relationship, not just how the in laws treat you, but how much your partner allows them to interfere. I think you should calmly talk to your husband about how its affecting you and if he's not willing to understand (because he is the one that needs to stand up to her, not you) than I think you should talk to him about getting some marraige counseling. I don't know if you speak directly to the mother in law will work, because if you decide to leave your husband over this it might just make her day. With all that said, try some silence around her (respectful silence and not scornful) and excuse yourself from her presence when she wants to go on and on. Don't engage her in the battle because you will always get hurt (because at that point, you've opened yourself up enough to allow her words to force you to engage her in her battle) And let your husband know that when he's not around she's not welcome and when he is around, you will keep yourself at a distance. You have to protect yourself. But my best advice would be the marriage counselor. Hope things get better.
2006-06-21 13:35:41
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answer #2
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answered by pululu81 4
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Here is what I would to. Listen to her complaints, and then when she is done, tell her, "We will take your opinion into consideration." This way she feels better because she thinks you are listening to her. Then if she complains about a choice you made and she told you to do something different, you can tell her, "We considered what you said, and decided to do it this way because of,,,, " and have a well thought out argument as to why. This way she is listened to, and treated like an adult with an adult answer. This should take care of the problem better than just yelling at her saying, "I don't care what you say" would, which I am sure you would like to do.
2006-06-21 13:28:06
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answer #3
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answered by Anonymous
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I am going through the exact same thing, my mother in law buts in all the time and what I told my wife is that you need to talk to her because if it comes from me then it might sound bad and she might get offended. So she did, but nothing has changed, she still thinks she can tell us what to do with our house and I can't stand it because I bought the house with my wife, not my wife and her mother. I feel your pain and if you figure out the answer, please let me know!
2006-06-21 13:31:21
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answer #4
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answered by ? 4
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I would address her without trying to point fingers. Be general and vague so that she does not feel attacked. Tell her in front of your husband what bothers you and why. Let her know she is hurting you and that you are doing the best you can. Ask for her suggestions on how to get along better. Just try to keep your voice as level and calm as possible.
2006-06-21 13:26:40
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answer #5
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answered by ? 4
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talk to your hubby regarding his mother. whatever you do don't confront her on your own. that will only add fuel to the fire. i would sit down with her and your husband and a non-bias person maybe a counselor and discuss your feelings of what she is doing to you, and how you want to raise your family your way and you will consider some of her advice as long as she understands that you have the choice whether or not to take the advice.
2006-06-21 13:29:50
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answer #6
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answered by navymilitarybrat76 5
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My mother in law to be used to be the same way. She said I was her son's first real relationship so her goal was to coordinate everything in our lives as well as make my life a living hell. What I ended up doing was taking her out to lunch on day,(of course I paid), and explained to her my intentions. After that she saw me as her sons fiance, not as one of his little play things he had before.
2006-06-21 13:28:51
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answer #7
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answered by Beautiful Insanity 4
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MILs are all the same doll.. i guess she thinks her son deserves something better. They'll never let go of their boys! i think u should answer her back and tell her to get lost!! A simple shut up will do.. and talk about it with ur hubby as well..all the best..
2006-06-21 13:28:00
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answer #8
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answered by princess h 2
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"WOW!" That would be very annoying.. Have you talked to your hubby about this? If not it sounds like the right time to bring it up... Do it in the most non defensive way because it sounds like he may have been a Mommy's boy... And as odd as it sounds maybe it would help if you spent time with her and at the right time, mention to her that it hurts and you don't want it to be that way..... Honesty is a good thing when handled delicately....... Best wishes..........
2006-06-21 13:29:55
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answer #9
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answered by ~ Rio ~ 2
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You need to discuss this with your husband and see how he feels about it. Its important that he agrees with you. She might in fact be testing him to see if he takes your side or hers. My mother in law was like that. My husband was her little baby and she couldn't stand knowing that i was the major woman in his life. Have you ever watched "Everybody Loves Raymond?" That tv show will offer you some comic relief. The mother in law on that show is identical to your situation!
2006-06-21 13:27:22
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answer #10
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answered by jenniferscott1974 3
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