isn't having kids more trouble than it's worth??

Question

I AM SO SCARED TO HAVE KiDS!!! and does your vagina ever get as tight as it was??? even after doing the kegel exercises?? doesn't it HURT REALLY BAD??? i don't think i can do it! and babies CRY ALL THE TIME!!! how will i not feel resentful...SOOO MUCH WORK...is it a good idea to stay home with the kids or not? won't your husband feel resentful toward you that you stay home and he has to work EVERY DAY!!! AHH!!!!! AND YOU COMPLETELY LOSE YOU LiFE when You have a KiD!! NO MORE FUN!!! : ((((

Answer 1

Oh honey...when you are a mom you will realize just how crazy it was of you to ask this question. Being a mom is one of the greatest gifts I have. I am blessed with three beautiful children. Am I still the same hard body head turner I was BC (before children) no, but my life is so much more complete now. I still have fun...it's just a different fun than before. I love being a mother, no it's not always easy...but my children are worth every effort it takes.

Answer 2

yes, your vagina does go back to it's normal size sometimes smaller.
yes, it can hurt but that is what an epidural is for.
yes, you can do it
no, babies don't cry all the time, half the time they are eating and sleeping and that's only for the first year or so.
Staying home with the kids can have it's ups and downs sometimes going to work can give you a much needed change of atmosphere and daycares or with sitter can give your child as he/she gets older much needed social interaction and independence. They aren't as attached to mommy and daddy so that you can't go anywhere without them throwing a fit.
As for your husbands resentment if he loves you and you discuss all of this before having children than no he shouldn't resent you. And you could always be the one to go back to work and he could stay home, there are several options.
You do not completely lose your life when you have kids. I hate when people say this. God invented babysitters and formula for a reason. I am in a band ok and a soon to be mother of five kids. I party everyweekend after the kids sleep and granted sometimes I'm not there when they have nightmares but they cope which I feel gives them terrific coping skills that they will need as adults.
I have fun all the time. Everyday, even walking them to school or waking up to a tickle fight, even going to the grocery store is so much more fun than it was when I was single and without kids. Everyday is an adventure.

Answer 3

I felt the same way when I was younger. I never wanted children. I wanted freedom and all the fun stuff that goes along with life. I disliked crying baby's in restaurants and shopping malls. But, then I got married and we bought our first house. Going out and party's got old and we felt that something was missing. We decided that we would try for a baby. And The day that our son was born was the best day of our lives. Yeah.. Some days are hard. It takes you 15 minutes to get out of the house just to run to the store for some milk, 3 am feedings, and there is nothing called a schedule with a new baby, and sacrifices are made. But I truly believe that Life is Kids. I wasn't really living until I had my son. And the first smile is priceless. There are so may first in parenthood and to be able to witness them is the best gift you will ever receive in life. No matter what with a child you are a hero. I don't know any material thing that makes you feel better than that!

Answer 4

Having a kid is amazingly stressful, and you should KNOW you are ready before you get into it.

Childbirth is painful, but not as bad as some people say, says my wife, who had two natural childbirths. You have to learn how to relax. Take a class. And they say you don't remember the pain. As for vaginal size, I can testify that it doesn't make a lot of difference.

I don't know how single parents survive. My wife and I both have worked hard to raise our two, and it has been both the biggest aggravation and the biggest joy in my life. As someone who was in my mid-thirties when my first was born, I was glad I had become more mature by that time, though I'm not as physically fit as some younger parents of kids the same age as mine.

By all means, wait if you think you're not ready. This world does not need any more unwanted kids or resentful parents, this only leads to more messed up adults. Kids are smart, and will know if you resent them. Kids deserve a calm, loving home with parents who are devoted to them.

I love my children and I feel blessed that they turned out so well. But you should know that a gift from God brings responsibilities. I was never able to finish college after my kids were born, and I stopped being footloose, and settled down to one job and one place to live. I still have fun, but it's not like when I was single. At some point, you crave a deeper challenge and meatier stuff than just amusing yourself, and that brings a deeper kind of satisfaction.

Oh, yeah, if your kids don't kill you, there IS life after parenthood. And it can be just as fulfilling as a second career.

Answer 5

The personal choice to have kids. If you don't feel like you could be a good parent then it's probably not a good idea. Also you have to do it when the time is right for you. If you are worried about 'not having fun' then the time is not right for you.

I could not imagine my life without my kids! My kids are my world! You have so much more fun when you have kids! It's just a different kind of fun, a fun I can not explain. A heart warming fun. I could not go through this life with out my kids! If I didn't get so severely sick during pregnancy I would love to have like 2 more! (I have a condition during pregnancy called Hyperemesis Gravidarum that has put me in the hospital with every pregnancy for most the pregnancy. It's a very rare condition so you probably wouldn't have to worry about it.


And yes the vagina goes back just as tight!

Answer 6

It's true life changes when you have kids, but If you are concerned about your vagina, then kids are not for you. You really should have thought about the tightness of you vagina before you had sex for the first time, cause guess what! It's not the same after the first time. Only if you marry the most self centered man in the world would you need to worry about his feeling being hurt. All the other things you worry about are not true, cause if that was the case, then no women on earth would have children. I hope you really think about it hard before you end up having a little person that will depend on you and you not being able to take care of it, because of selfish thoughts. You really need some growing up to do. I don't know physically but mentally you really do.

Answer 7

Ok so obviously having a kids at this point in your life is a big NO!
Some women are cut out to have children, and no my husband is not resentful that i stay home and he has to work! It's going to be worse when he heads back to school!
You don't loose a life, you gain a different one, neither worse nor better, tho some argue its better!
Yes labor hurts, but if you are prepared to have kids you don't pay too much mind to the pain! Esp women that have more than one!
You aren't ready to have kids, and i'm not sure you ever will be!
Thats a pretty pesimistic attitude! ANd I think if you ever have kids you might be a little resentful towards your children, or it may change your whole attitude!

Answer 8

If you are worried about these things, you should not have children yet. Your worries are just a signal that your not mature enough or ready to have to have children.

Being a parent is total dedication. Your priorities change like instead of thinking about going to a night on the town your gonna end up at Chucky Cheese.

Being a parent doesn't mean you can't have fun, but it does mean you have to put them first.

Once you have children you sex desire goes down a bit. That's not for everyone but for the majority its the truth.
So worrying about your vagina being small etc after birth is not something most moms think of after they have a baby-
In most cases it is tighter because it swells, just for your info
In all honesty I more fun with Children than when I didn't
and before children I was a partier-

But the party's wear off and life becomes dull
Children bring light and happiness and I didn't realize that until I had them-

Answer 9

Well you're definitely not ready to have kids until you deal with all those very valid concerns of yours. Yes, child birth definitely does hurt and can, and most likely will, permanently change many different parts of your body. It's a full time job x2 even when they're not crying all the time. Whether to work or not is definitely a discussion to be had with your husband. Unless he's a jerk, he won't resent your choice to stay at home once he sees the crazy amount of work it takes to care for a child. Lastly, you social life will change. You don't have to lose it, but big adjustments will have to be made.

Having said all that, it's most definitely worth it. I would never change my decision to have kids.

Answer 10

First of all, I hope that you grow up before having a baby. Second, you may say that now, but when it actually happens to you and you see that baby sleeping, thinking that she/he is half of you, you created that, its the most wonderful thing in the world. Weather it hurts or not isn't an issue. When they cry, you become immune to it. You don't lose your life, you start a new one. Just because it makes it harder to go out doesn't mean your life is lost. My boyfriend is not at all resentful for me staying home while he works. I'm taking care of his child and that is more than what he does at work. I really hope that you change your views before having a child.... for the child's sake.

Answer 11

ok, vagina getting lose is a myth. i actually asked my obgyn about this one. he laughed. having sex does not make it lose, and having kids does not make it lose. it does hurt, if your husband sucks he will feel resentful towards you, babies do cry alot, and its really freakin annoying, expecially at 3am, its tons of work, you wont get anything out of it except maybe a smile or a hug one in awhile, and your life is no longer your own, it's all about the child. but how awesome, if you do, on the offchance, raise a child, that loves you so much and appreciates everything you have done for them. how great to offer your whole life, just to make someone elses better. now that is a legacy, not even the guys in the history books can live up to. i have four kids, two biological, and two step.