Do YoU LiVe YoUr * LiFe WiTh A DRINKER *HELP>>>......?

Question

My Husband & I Have been together almost 25 yrs. ago. We have a son that is now 23. My Husband is a PRETTY BAD DRINKER I really don't know how much more I can take ? He has always drank a couple beers @ night, now he is into drinking the hard stuff, I got really sick about 5 yrs ago. When I got so sick, He was not there for me. What hapen to the voels we took, In marriage for* better or worst, in sickness & health.*I know there is others out there that life the same life, How do U coup w/ it. he say'ssome really BAD things while he is drunk and say's, He don't remember it the next day. I am a NON DRINKER >>...I just don't understand. I thought about going to AA to see if they can Help me understand. should I become a drinker also? How do U cope? He has a heart of Gold. that was the person I feel in love with. but, he's killing it slowly. I don't want that. sometimes win he gets drunk I would rather him pounch me than hear some of the things comes off the wall with ? PLEASE HELP ME !

Answer 1

Get counseling. AA or personal Christian marital counseling is better. I am a minister and think that the best thing for you would be private counseling with a Christian counselor because before I was doing the job I am now the people that I used to counsel with had no problems with telling someone to divorce or something else that would not help the marriage. You don't have to take your husband with you but it would help. Sometimes it takes you leaving for a seperation for him to catch a clue. Because if you are not there he will not have anyone to gripe at except himself and he will have to wallow in his own self pity instead of being able to blame you or gripe at you for his problems. God be with you in this and I hope that you follow through with the hard times and things in your relationship, because you do love him. The hard part is that it sometimes takes harder times to get over the hard times in marriage. Write me if you need some more help.

Answer 2

I recently left my husband of 10 years for the very same reason.
Though this was my solution to the problem it isn't for everyone. The X has a heart of gold as well except when drinking and I always seemed to get the brunt of his ugliness. He, of course said he didn't have a problem, it was me with the problem. And it eventually turned physical and got worse with threats of killing me. It just continued to escalate. And I continued to pull back into a little shell.
Drinkers and people with Narcissistic personalities are not supportive people. They will never be there for you when you need them the most. They can always justify their selfish actions. Even if it means placing some blame and burden on you. No matter what; never take the blame or guilt for their drinking. By doing so you are being an enabler.
And a little insight into the reason for wishing he would just punch you...its because you would have physical proof. Verbal and/or emotional abuse don't seem real to people because there isn't any way of knowing that it’s really happening. You, yourself probably can't see that it’s happening or want to believe that it’s real. The hurt leaves you in a huge stage of shock. How could someone I love and loves me say such cruel things? But it is real, very real and in some ways more damaging than physical abuse.

Remember...Take care of the most important thing god gave you...Your mind, your body and your soul.

Here is a website that I came across that helped me to realize what I was going through, understand that it wasn't my fault and shed the guilt, and take control of my emotions, myself, and MY life.

http://www.drirene.com/

Also, no matter what others try to tell you. Make the decisions that are right for YOU, because you are the one that has to live with those decisions. All else will fall into place.

Good luck to you. I wish you the best and hope that you find the peace and happiness you deserve.

Answer 3

I haven't tried this, but judge whether you could pull this off....the next time he drinks, record him with a video camera or a tape recorder. The next day (don't save this for blackmail..) if he's in a reasonable mood, show it to him. If he sincerely doesn't realize how bad he is when he's drunk, then he may not see drinking as a problem. Present it in a concerned manner, for his own sake.

I don't suggest "coping" with this this, nor should you get up and leave him as another poster suggested. Try to help him! Your best friend is killing himself slowly and destroying his life day after day. It's unfortunate that you are dragged into his mess, but you have the opportunity to help him. Don't abandon him.

AA is going to be your best bet for help. These people are specialists that dedicate themselves specifically to your problem! If you can ask your question on Yahoo! then you can ask it of them. Call/email them and tell them your situation. Ask what they can do to help. Your husband may need the stereotypical AA intervention, he may not, I don't know. There are all kinds of solutions to this problem, be persistant and do what it takes. Oh, and ask them what they think about my suggestion before you try it, they may not think it's a great idea. I'm not an expert on this ;)

My best wishes to you.

Answer 4

I was married to a drunk and I stayed for 10 years and had enough. I am a non- drinker and can not stand a drunk. My advice would be to tell him to make a choice you or his alcohol. I know how the verbal abuse can hurt and you won't ever forget it. by the way my ex is still a drunk to this day so i'm glad i got on with my life because he would have taken me to the bottom with him. feel free to e-mail me if you need someone to talk to Good luck

Answer 5

My husband used to be a heavy drinker. He was verbally abusive when drunk, too. I would recommend talking with him, or suggest counseling. My husband is not nearly so bad now that we talked about it. I don't think you should leave your marriage over this, nor do you need to become a drinker to "keep up". Just let him know how much he is hurting you.

Answer 6

Alcoholism is a mental illness - GET OUT OF THE MARRIAGE NOW! You need to take care of yourself and your son, let your husband fall to rock bottom then he will either wise up and get sober or he won't. This is a heartbreaker, I know 'cause I've been there - I got divorced and never looked back. It came down to either he was going to kill me in a drunken rage or I was going to leave and LIVE. Save yourself because you're the only one who can!

Answer 7

I would start with attendng Alanon meetings (not AA for recovering alcoholics) and counseling as I did prior to my divorce. It helped me understand his situation and my own. I also found when I couldn't change my situation that I had to remove myself from it. But they helped and it was good to hear that others were going through the same thing and it made me feel "normal".

Answer 8

No, you should not start drinking. Call your local Alano Club and inquire about an Al-anon meeting. Those are for people with significant others who are alcoholics. Try to get him to an AA meeting, you can't make him go. It is not your fault he drinks, he has a disease. Go to meetings to learn more about the illness. Good Luck

Answer 9

my husband was like dracula if he got a taste that was all she wrote. I scared the **** out of him

I told him that i was leaving him and he was goingto be alone and could kill g\himself if he wanted to

But he was not going to do it to me

So i left for a week and he realized how hard it was to be alone

I told him if he drank again i was filling for a divorce well 4 years later and he has not touched a drank

Answer 10

i might want to be at liberty, and best each and each and every of the mistakes i have made even, if it meant being George's illegitimate offspring, although life might want to suck a lot, if I had to flow to Texas. @Jaimie this is a sturdy one, lol