how to get a man to be career motivated?

Question

this is for legitimate answers only! no jokesters, or any crass inappropriate comments please. im looking for answers. i am a career motivated person. i've lived a good portion of my adult life living from check-2-check while i achieve my education and then have that 1 job be it upon graduation. but my partner is just drifting through life, expresses no motivation other than to play vid games, or improve the music collection. please advise what or if there is anything i can do to assist this person. just a little more info....i will not drop my partner. he has a good job, and does it well. he's just not as motivated as i am career-wise.

Answer 1

You won't get him to be career motivated if he isn't already. Ambition isn't a personal choice, it comes from need, and if he doesn't feel the need, he doesn't. What you CAN do, is act as a personal manager. Keep communication lines open, and an ear out for opportunities that he might not recognize. Point them out for him, but be careful not to nag. Pushing him in a direction he doesn't want to go is not the same as pointing out options. One upside to this is that you'll be talking to your man all the time (which many women don't do, and then complain about); the other is that between the two of you, you just might accomplish something great. Good luck!

Answer 2

You're an intelligent person and you probably already know the answer to this question. You just hope that you're wrong. You're not.

Motivation comes from within. Even motivational speakers, tapes, books, etc., require that the person using them is willing to be motivated.

There are lots of ways to see your partner's life choices. One way is to identify him as immature. After all, mature people set goals, want to accomplish things, face responsibility, and work with their partner to make a better life. Another way is to see him as a kind of free spirit who isn't tied to society's values relating to career and money.

You say that you won't drop your partner. The question that you have to answer is: Why are you with him? There are partners who manage to live very different lifestyle values together. I read about a Zen monk married to the VP of a major corporation. He's obviously almost totally uninvolved in a job-related career path, but is focused on his own calling. She's very goal and work-oriented. This vastly different lifestyle choice -does- cause a strain in their relationship. Which lifestyle is "better"?

They manage their relationship because their underlying goals and values are similar enough for them to walk on parallel paths. They can "be" in the same space at very different speeds.

Your partner may never achieve the kind of success you value. His definition of success may be having the complete collection of rock 'n roll greats or jazz or finding that special recording that no one else has. Or it may be achieving Level 10 in .

The saying "opposites attract" is true. I heard somewhere, though, that the couples who stay together longest tend to have similar goals, values, and lifestyles. No matter how different a couple seems to be on the outside, if they remain connected, there's an underlying foundation that's solid. They both value money, have the same goals for retirement, both are focused on family, like to jetset, ... something.

If you can't find the tight underpinning in your relationship that will allow you to value your partner, -even if- he never values a career or is motivated to succeed (by your definition), then don't say now that you won't drop him. Eventually you'll leave him or he'll leave you. His lack of motivation will ultimately become too frustrating for you. Your constant pushing (subtle or overt) will become too irritating to him.

Also, if you don't focus on the value of your partner, eventually you'll start finding other little flaws here and there. (We all have them if people look long enough.) One day you'll wonder why you ever loved him. The only way to prevent that from happening is to recognize that he's not you. He'll never be you. He'll always, on some level, want different things than you do. This is true of all humans. But if the two of you want enough of the same things in life, and are willing to balance your relationship to accomplish them, you'll be happier.

Answer 3

You can't make him motivated. There are no sure fire trickes. He's got to be the one to want to do better. Any pushing you do in his direction could be considered nagging and have an opposite affect. It sounds like he still has some growing up to do. Plus if you push him he could wind up resenting you.

You need to concentrate on your career and keep climbing that ladder. Hopefully seeing you be more successful will light a fire under his butt.

There are people who want to succeed and there are people that are happy with the bare minimum. You partner at this time likes the status quo and you need to accept this or move on. If you want a more career minded person you are not going to get it out of your partner at this time.
Also you need to con

Answer 4

you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

Remember this. You can tell him and nag to him to get a good job, but the truth is, he wont do it unless he wants to. You need to have a serious discussion with him. Sit him down and tell him this is important for your relationship, especially if you are going to be together forever (ie:marriage). If he shows no intrest, then I dont know. Maybe some people are just different. Maybe he will always be like that and never change. But if you really love him, you are going to have to accept the way he is if he doesnt want to change.

Answer 5

I am the same as as your "partner," as you put it. I have a college education, but I have a sub par job and all I care about is leveling my Diablo 2 characters and playing video games. Oh, and improving my music collection.

I'm not motivated. I don't want to be motivated. I don't want anyone trying to motivate me.

My suggestion for you is to stop trying to change people and let them be what they are. If you don't like it, look elsewhere.

Answer 6

In my experience I refer to the old addage; you can lead a horse to water...... I don't know that you can accomplish this! Seems to be a basic personality trait and if you truly love him, ask yourself why you want him to be more career motivated ? Go down a different road to solve this as you cannot get different results with the same action. The only person you can change is yourself, so I would suggest that you just accept him as he is.

Answer 7

this is funny because this is what my husband was like. I started pointing things out like who bought the majority of what and who made more. Video games are not cheap. We have ps2 and xboxes in every room! After being in between jobs for the last two years, I gave him the go ahead of starting a business that would be enough to support the both of us. He wants children, I refused to have them until I saw improvement in our economical status.

Lesson to know: Stop enabling him. You are career oriented and carry the burden so they don't worry as much and know you will take care of it. I got laid off from work and didn't look for a job right away. when he couldn't buy his toys or go out as much as he liked to, he started making more money.

Answer 8

you have to accept the fact that while you can suggest, your partner can also refuse those suggestions. You cannot change another person no matter how much you'd like to and when you think about it, would you really want to? If he has a good job, he's not a dead beat and treats you well, you are doing great right now!

Answer 9

love him for who he is, not for who you want him to be. he will never change, this is who he is. if he does prove me wrong, and change. it will be because it is something he realizes he wants. most of the qualities are instilled at an early age, and if not accepted by the time they are in their teen years, they prolly wont ever be. why does he need to change? if your motivated, you can sustain your family with your income. i'm sure there are qualities he brings to the relationship that you don't. how would you feel if he wanted you to change? i have a career, and my fiance works in a factory. he makes good money, but if he decided to sit at home and play video games, what can i say? he is a grown man and makes his own decisions. i love him no matter what!

Answer 10

If he has a good job and he's good at it, why does he need to be like you, career-wise? Based on the info you've given, my gut reaction is not to mess with a good thing!

One suggestion I do have is to encourage him to take advantage of work-related classes, workshops, and/or meetings where he might learn more about his job/profession and network.