I’ve been married for 12 years. My husband and I have actually been together for 17 years. There was a time when we shared so much passion. After three children, four homes, several cars and most of all, bills, the passion has faded with me. I love him so much, but have been in a rut for the last couple of years. He hasn’t lost any passion towards me. In fact, he seemed to turn it up a few notches, which really started putting the pressure on me. I’ve become comfortable with not having intimate relations with him and rarely want to engage in the act itself. He on the other hand is in his prime. This imbalance has created such turmoil between the two of us, he’s been thinking about leaving. I don’t want that. I love my husband deeply. He’s my best friend. My self-image has become so twisted over the years, that I don’t feel sexually appealing anymore. Between a career, the kids and the other stuff that comes along with a marriage, I’ve put what US on the back burner.
2006-06-21 05:02:08 · 10 answers · asked by Lola 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to make him a priority in your life again or you will most likely lose him.
2006-06-21 05:11:05 · answer #1 · answered by lavenderroseford 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I have been married for 13 years now, so I know how you feel, although NOT wanting sex has never been me. I understand that daily life takes it toll...I have 3 children so I am NOT what I used to be, but he loves me and he sees me as SEXY and I am sure your husband feels the same way or he would not want to even consider sex with you, take a mini vacation, or just a night at home alone, to rekindle the flame, buy some sexy lingerie, or even a sexual aid. There is always a next level to take any relationship, just feel sexy knowing that you are a succesful mother and most of all a loving wife. You will get it back, if you dont maybe you need to seek counseling, nothing wrong with that sweetie! Good luck!
2006-06-21 05:30:20 · answer #2 · answered by slf620 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So often we get into a "rut". Oh man..you said that in your post. Nevermind...LOL. I totally understand you. It's sad that at the end of the day, physical connections with your husband is just deemed "Another person wants a part of me"...and that happens when 3 kids (I have 3, too) want/need you to do something for them 100 times a day. I watched a couple kissing on TV last night and was like "I want that "hunger" back - I've been missing it for a bit.
I need to get more sleep. I get very little and I know that makes everything suffer...especially when you are older. When my husband and I were in our early 20's...we could get 2 hours sleep and be just fine. I can't do that at 35!!! I don't take care of myself physically. (I'm not overweight...I just have no endurance). I eat horribly (by not eating until the evening meal) because I'm not hungry usually and don't have the time.
I think that a lot of times women need intimacy in order to want to have sex and men need sex in order to feel intimate. Does that make sense? So something happens (like a baby or an illness) to disrupt that balance...and something has to give for it to get back.
Good luck.
Not sure if this will help or not or if you are interested, but my church had a marriage series last month about having an EXTREME MARRIAGE". It was wonderful. You can go to www.journeybf.com and then double-click "messages". You can burn them to a CD or just listen to them. They aren't preachy and are very funny - his wife speaks up for a lot of it and calls him out...LOL.
2006-06-21 08:05:03 · answer #3 · answered by iam1funnychick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that all women on some level or another have suffered from some type of low self-image and this translates into our sex life in a major way. No doubt all of the things you describe can put a damper on your love life. I would suggest you read the book called "Mars and Venus in the Bedroom". Its very insightful.
You have to try to remember what it was that made you attracted to him in the first place. Do you remember the cologne he was wearing at the time? How about the songs from that era? Try to rekindle yourself with nostalgia. Sometimes a movie you saw on one of your first dates. You also really need to take time for yourself. That should be your priority. How can you take care of anyone else if you can't take care of yourself? If you have low self image regarding body issues, join Curves. Its all women there and its reasonably priced. I started going there because of low self image and it made my sex life do a 180. Now i can't get enough of it. You'd be surprised at what losing 10 pounds will do for you. Hope this helps! Good luck!
2006-06-21 05:24:51 · answer #4 · answered by jenniferscott1974 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The "Spark" is the thing that made the honeymoon phase so much fun! When you couldn't get enough of each other and you didn't want to be apart. Create a spark by doing something thoughtful and maybe a little out of character for you. Maybe a picnic in the middle of the living room floor or something with his favorite food. Something to show that you still love him and he's still "the one"...maybe a walk holding hands. Something completely non sexual but maintains some sort of closeness. Continue to work on your self image. We women are our worst critics. Be kind to yourself...I'm sure you've lots of good points!
Best of luck to you...
2006-06-21 05:22:14 · answer #5 · answered by K's Mom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think the "spark" is nothing more than playing up the differences between the feminine and the masculine. Try reading "Fascinating Womanhood" or "The Surrendered Wife".
Remember you are so blessed to have a husband who still wants you even though you don't see yourself as he does. Maybe it doesn't matter so much what you think as what he thinks of you, and obviously, he still thinks you're beautiful.
2006-06-21 06:32:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to reexamine what a relationship means to you and him.
You both have to sit down and honestly discuss how needs and wants have changed.
For many men, sex is a vital part of a relationship and to shut it down is seen as an insult. "I was good enough once, but now, I'm not."
What is it about sex that makes you uncomforatlbe? Does it hurt? Is he selfish in intimacy issues?
You need to take action now, while you can still make a difference.
2006-06-21 05:12:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fake it until you make it. Start acting like you are sexy. Start having sex again, whether you physically want to or not. The more you have it, the more you will want it. You HAVE to get over yourself. Your husband WANTS YOU! You will start feeling better about yourself when you realize how attracted your husband is to you. Don't let him get away...fight for your marriage; that means fight for your self worth.
2006-06-21 05:18:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
lighing each other's private parts with a match
2006-06-21 05:53:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
its when u electrocute your partner..i thought it would have been obvious ....mmmm
2006-06-21 05:12:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋