Mature advice needed?

Question

I've been going thru major stress and a long time of depression.
last night, I felt very stressed out and thought I'd share my feelings w/ my fiance. I called and it all ended up a disaster. I started assuming he was flirting, I was crying about financial issues, kids, etc. He was upset and couldn't understand why I was acting this way. I clearly explained to him this morning I was very stressed out and I feel it's getting worse for me. He said I should have asked him how he felt and said sorry. Still, he couldn't understand how I could be so "out of control". Last night, he didnt sleep next to me but the baby b/c he felt I didn't want to be touched.
Is it me, or is he not being reassuring enough?
Its been a while since I have been able to get a decent break, and he knows this.
When I mean depression, I mean depression and not just a sad moment.
Thanks all.

Answer 1

Depression can make ordinary, decent people turn into absolute monsters. You need to get help for this right away. Don't be ashamed to ask for it. Apologize to your man for anything you may have said to upset him and let him know you recognize that you need some help and you're going to get it. And make good on that. There are millions of people in this country suffering from depression. You aren't alone. And the good news is there are many ways to treat depression. Schedule an appointment with your doctor and meet with a therapist. You might even need medication to balance you out, but you will feel like your true self once again and that's a beautiful feeling. It's normal to get overwhelmed when life throws us a million curveballs, but sometimes we just need to reach out and simply ask for that help. Your fiance sounds like he loves you and is confused by your behavior. Seeking out the proper help to treat your depression and involving him in this will certainly help out. He should be there for you during this time, but remember not to take it out on him. Everything will be ok, but don't wait to get that help. Get it today! Oh, and if money is an issue, look in your phone book or call information as there are many low-cost or even free programs that can assist you during this difficult time. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 2

Honey, leave the "emotional talk" for your girlfriends as men are not wired to be emottionally supportive and don't know how to handle all of the "feelings" talk. They just DON'T know how and you might feel as if he just doesn't care and this is not the case. Also, he might feel as if HE is the cause of your depresion when is not...

First, find someone close to you to talk about your emotions. A close friend or a relative would do. Therapists, counselors and pastors are also good when you need to vent and they don't take offense of what you are saying and, since they are total strangers, you will be more likely to freely discuss your situation.

Are you having post-partum depression? Are your mood swings so bad that are interfeering with your normal life? Are you having trouble sleeping? You don't enjoy what you used to enjoy anymore? If so, you might have clinical depression. Please consult with yoru doctor, meds and therapy DO help.

You have to understand that when you suffer from a depression episode your loved ones suffer too: they might feel guilty and rejected and frustrated because they don't know what to do. Please explain to your partner that you have a problem and that how you feel is NOT his fault and that he hasn't done anything wrong to cause it. Tell him that you appretiate his patience and support and that he oughta not feel guilty about how you feel because is NOT his fault at all. Reassure him that you love him and have a plan on how to react when you feel this way. With a plan in place, then you both will know how to handle the situation without anyone being offended.

Men are not mind readers and he is confused by your behaviour. Be loving and inform him, but don't expect him to be able to solve a situation that is cleary out of his hands. Get appropriate help and don't hurt the ones around you that love you.

Good luck

Answer 3

This is a very common side effect of feeling stressed and not in control or not knowing what is in store for you, fortunately it usually will go away and not haunt you for years. The medications don't work and have bad side effects in my experience, but what I do is reassure myself of the positives in my life. Such as my husband, my other family, college, work, and such. I tell myself I am lucky to be able to have a family and be supported and loved. Then the negatives just seem like something on the side that isn't worth the depression. In my depression, I really beat down myself, not my family, and I felt helpless in a world of constant change and criticism. If you are depressed people don't want to talk to you, they think you're going to kill someone. Its getting more common to fall into depression, and thankfully its also becoming easier to get out of it. Think of the positives, and if you are religious, turn to that as well. And the best of luck to you.

Answer 4

First of all have you gotten some help from either over the counter meds or from your doctor? YOU know you've been depressed for some time and it won't go away on its own. Get that help as step one. And yes, your fiance isn't being supportive enought but in his defense, he may not know what to do to help you. So he acts like you are over reacting. Find a calm moment with just the two of you and say calmly and plainly that you understand things are difficult for him to grasp but you really do need him to lean on and support you. Be kind and ask him for help in a loving way. He may truly not know how depressed you are. Good luck.

Answer 5

Have you seen a doctor for your depression? If not it's very important that you do. He does sound like he's being slightly insensitive to you and your situation. Depression can be a terrible thing that will affect every aspect of your life, the only thing you can do is to try to educate your fiance about it and hope he will better understand how you are feeling. Good Luck!

Answer 6

Did you just have ur baby???? If so you could be experiencing what they call "baby blues" It is a depression you get after you have a baby. Go to your family doctor and tell him/her what is going on and they can put you on some medicine and then they will ween you off of it. It is not a lifetime of taking medicine but it does help for the few months that you need it

Answer 7

I'm sorry to hear you're going through such a hard time. I don't think you should give up on him just yet, though. He may not know what kind of comfort you need. Men are not always in tune with what we want and need. You should stand up for yourself and say "I'm upset, and I just want you to hold and comfort me when I feel this way." Chances are, he'll be open to doing what you need, but won't do those things before you tell him because he's worried about making it worse. I don't want to be held and comforted when I'm upset, but you do. We women need to be very specific with our men in telling them how they can meet our needs. Hope this helps. Good luck.

Answer 8

Ya know I am a new mom and I seek counseling outside of the house, we women are strong enough to know when we need help, a man on the other hand will stuff it and sleep with the baby, it is ok to talk to a professional, alot of people do you never hear of a starving shrink.right?

Answer 9

Get to the doctor as soon as you can and have him go with you so the doctor can explain the issues of depression to both of you. The sooner you get medical help, the better off your relationship will be. Depression is not something to ignore.

Answer 10

In reading your ? You should see your doctor and take him with you and and tell him straight up, that you are depressed and need help.If he will not share your feelings then he is selfish and only sees himself. You are important to this relationship as he is, your well being is just as his. you are the shoulder he crys to just as he should be there for you. If he does not help, ask a friend, may you be relieved.