Please Answer.....?

Question

What kind of advice would you give your friend who told you that his gf is doing hard core drugs and feels like everything she said was a lie and now he feels like everything in his life is going down hill? He's so frustrated because he doesn't know how to help her. All i could tell him was to try and find her help.

Answer 1

Right, the first thought I got was that it depends on what drugs you are talking about. But after 3 secs I realised that it does not matter in this case, for what is happening is that she is lying about it, hence she probably has a big problem and is not straight. If she is addicted, this is for the biggest part the drugs speaking, and not her anymore.
The problem is that she is the one who should see that everything is going downhill. She is the only one who can break the pattern. She needs to see her responsibility in taking care for herself.

If I was him I would be very honest and confrontating to her. She might have problems to begin with and trie to resolve that with drugs, but her problems are only getting worse. She might lose her relationship now as well.
The thing for him is to realise that for a great part the addict might answer to him and she will defend herself and make all kind of excuses to give him the feeling that all is well and not that bad. He must be very carefull that she will not use him, and he must be strong in standing up for himself and draw the line of what he wants and doesnt want in HIS life.

What he can do is tell her straigh forwards that she has a mayor problem and that there are ways out of it. He can also tell her that he will support her if she really wants to find help. She is not the only one and there are a lot of people who came down from drugs and are clean again.

The problem with addiction is not the fysical addiction itself. The problem is in the reason why people abuse drugs. (you can use and abuse drugs) So there must be a reason why she got addicted in the first place. You can stop the fysical addiction, but you need to go deeper to the root to really help someone. Otherwise the problem is not solved and the need to escape from it will still exist.
In that proces it is mostly professional people who can really help. Besides knowing what they are doing and giving therapeutical help, they have also more distance and will not get manipulated and sucked in as easy as someone close.
Someone close can give support and love. But he always has to be carefull not to feel responsible for the problem the drugsuser has.

Answer 2

This may sound harsh but if his gf doesn't realise that she has a problem then no-one is going to be able to help her. You have got to WANT to change your life if you are addicted to drugs or alcohol. I have seen my friends brother go to hell and back in his fight with the bottle and even tho' he had so many people around him who truly loved him and wanted to help, it made no difference until he genuinely wanted to stop. All you can do is be there for your friend to talk to and be a shoulder to cry on. Try to help him realise that his life doesn't have to go down hill at all, after all it isn't him that is on the drugs, is it?

I am sorry that there is no practical advice I can offer other than what you already said to him (about trying to find her some help). I just hope that you keep his back covered and make sure he doesn't get dragged into anything that will spoil his future.

Best of luck and kindest wishes! x

Answer 3

People that get caught up in drugs like that often don't recognize there's a problem. Your friend can certainly say something in a loving way, like, "Honey, I love you but lately you've been acting very differently and you have me very concerned about you. I think you're taking the drugs a little too far." If she's in denial, she won't listen and then it's his choice to stay and put up with it or move on. He can find some help with Al-Anon and other associations that will help him to deal with her if she's unwilling to work on the problem. If she is willing to get help, he should be very supportive and if he can, go with her to meetings to help her get her life back on track. But the important thing to remember is you can only help those who want the help. If she doesn't want the help, he's got to move on. If he feels like she's a danger to herself or others and he's going to move on, he should first make sure someone else who cares about her (family, best friend, etc) is on top of the problem. Good luck!

Answer 4

the best thing is to let her go. she will take him so far down. or even get him hooked on drugs. i was married to a drug abuser. we had nothing. we had to sleep in a tent. i couldn't help him. no one but the person doing the drugs can help themselves. my ex is in prison now because of a meth lab. thank GOD i am divorced from him. that part of my life was a nightmare.

Answer 5

be there to listen and for support. it is hard to find the right words to say in a circumstance like this one. just tell him that things will work out the way they are meant to, hang in there.

Answer 6

Find her parents and tell them. He could try some churches. They often have programs for situations like this.

God Bless

Answer 7

he needs to talk with her parents and her about it, i'm sure she will be very angry about it , but oh well , do the right thing and get some help for her is more important

Answer 8

i would try to get her to get help, but if she refused i would have to move on. don't let her drag him down with her. most drug users have to hit bottom, before they seek help.

Answer 9

Tell her parents and let them deal with her, she NEED HELP !