My boyfriend and I are thinking about having a baby. We love each other. We both have good jobs and we are both 23. The problem is he already has a son with his ex-girlfriend. The fact that he has a kid with his ex bothers me greatly. Am I wrong to be upset about that? Am I wrong to not want children with him because of it? Anyone have experience in this situation?
2006-06-21 03:33:49 · 18 answers · asked by Pink Princess 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Trying to Conceive
it shouldnt be about the child from a previous relationship. if you love him like you say you do then you love everything about him including his child.
i am in a relationship with my fiance for 7 years and he cheated on me and now has a daughter because of it. do i hate the child? no i dont. do i hate him? obviously not.
people make mistakes and sometimes we get more than what we bargained for with those mistakes.
children are a blessing from god that many women including myself are not able to have.
if it bothers you that much then maybe you dont love him as much as you think you do. you need to really think about this relationship and what you really want out of it and think about if you can see the 2 of you together for the rest of your life. if not then you dont need to be having kids together its as simple as that.
again if you love him you wont hold it against him for having a child previously.
good luck
2006-06-21 03:54:48 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has a kid from his ex....what is it that bothers you so much?? There is no need to be insecure about it.....He loves YOU now, not her. Having a child with her was something from the past....now he wants a baby with you.....I think it is your choice together as a couple but I really don't see why you should be upset. I know exes can be very difficult to deal with, especially if there are children involved. But I also don't think you should decide solely on the fact that he already has a child. Having a baby is something I feel most woman should experience, as long as they can be a fit mother. If you are ready to have a baby and the only thing holding you back is the simple fact he has one already, I say you go for it. Who knows what wonders you two can create!!! I am sure he/she will be beautiful!!!! But talk it over with your boyfriend and decide TOGETHER!! Express your concerns to him and be as open as possible!!! Good luck and enjoy your little bundle of joy if that is the path you choose!!!!
2006-06-21 03:40:56 · answer #2 · answered by MNM0103 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, the main thing that YOU need to be thinking about is that he is your BOYFRIEND and not your HUSBAND!!! Having children is serious and obviously it didn't work out for him the first time, so you should really ask yourself if getting pregnant is the right thing to do. Fact is, when you get pregnant by your boyfriend and not your husband, it's more likely not to work out because it's easier for him to walk away from a girlfriend and not a wife. Anyways, how is he with his first child?? If he spends more time with you (his new woman) than his own child, that should tell you that maybe he's not the type of father you want for your child. You have NO right to be jealous of his kid either. If anything you should encourage him to be the best possible father he can be. Children are nothing to play about. Please seriously think about what you do. Would a child choose you and your boyfriend as parents if they had a choice????
2006-06-21 03:49:54 · answer #3 · answered by jennymustafa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get married first. If you have this much doubt do you think that's fair to bring a child into the situation? With the doubt you have chances are you will be raising a baby by yourself. Plus if it bothers you now it's always going to bother you perhaps even more after a baby because he splits his time between the kids.
There are so many men out there and I am sure your boyfriend is great but really marriage first...then the kids.
2006-06-21 03:37:55 · answer #4 · answered by MaryJaneD 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a three year old son with my ex. And my bf has a three year daughter with his ex and we are both 23. The kids get a long great and we have a great relationship. Some people can't handle it, because face it my ex and his ex will always be there. But you know, I don't care and neither does he. We are great parents and trust each other.
You need to figure out where these feelings are coming from.
2006-06-21 03:42:45 · answer #5 · answered by Jen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that he has a child is not the question. Is he a good father to the child. Does he spend time with him, help to support the child, etc? If the answers to these questions are no, for whatever reasons, he may leave you with a child to raise alone as well. If he does help with his other child, you should be reassured, but why not get married first, then have children. If your not ready for marriage, your not ready for children. Good luck
2006-06-21 03:39:21 · answer #6 · answered by psycmikev 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it your chioce and I could understand that he already has a kid with his ex so that is kind of bothering and irritating but since hes not wit his ex anymore u both have good jobs and all so everything is good so go ahead have a baby and when it grows up it could have good jobs like both of ya'll
2006-06-21 03:55:18 · answer #7 · answered by T_claire 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ya I was once in that same boat ! he is now my ex .. but at the time I wanted a kid because it really bothered me allot that she had a child with him .. the first thing you need to look at is , how much does he see his son ?? is he involved in his son's life ? the reason I ask is cause if he is not involved now with the child he has , and you have a child with him ,what if you break up ?? will he see your child or be in his/hers life ? his past track record will tell you allot about his future records.. you may think ya but he loves me and he would love our child , I bet he told his ex he loved her to and the child .. if he is a good dad to his son and is there for him ,, then I would say ya having a child with him would be a good idea . if not you need to wait to bring a child into this world ..
2006-06-21 03:48:42 · answer #8 · answered by blueflowerscs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
THat happens all the time...you just need to learn not to be jealous...There are a lot of people out there now who already have children. If you love him, you shouldn't have a problem dealing with his other child. You should be able to accept the other child as well.
2006-06-21 07:44:27 · answer #9 · answered by mommy_2_liam 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
bottom line, if you love him, you love every part of him. his son is a major part of him, and if you can't accept him then move on and find someone else. the funny thing about the year 2006 is that you may have a hard time finding someone who doesn't already have a baby. and if you guys do end up having a baby, and it doesn't work out, are you prepared to be alone for the rest of your life? don't set such high standards. if you love him then just love him.
2006-06-21 05:16:41 · answer #10 · answered by me m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋