whats wrong with him?

Question

my husband is changing with his behaviour, he is really unattentive toward me and he never wants to talk. The affection seems to dissapear more and more. This has been happening for a couple of months now. He talks to me constantly as if he is irritated with me, i have been trying hard to be a good wife but he always makes me feel stupid. I have told him how i feel and he says its not true and i am imagining it, or he calls me a weirdo or psycho or something. The funny thing is that i decided recently that if he keeps on being so mean to me i was going to be "cool" with him. Since i have done this he has started to complain about my lack of affection for him.What is wrong with him? Why is it ok for him not to consider my feelings and treat me bad but he hates it when i back off?

Answer 1

I think you and hubby need to have an open, honest heart to heart. When he complains about your "cool" behavior tell him, it's easier for you to be more attentive and affectionate when he is treating you with the same loving care. It is possible that he has some under lying problems that he needs to talk about, there may be some changes that he is looking for in the relationship....Just go to him and listen with an open mind. Find out what both of you are missing from the relationship, and make good effort to be sure to do those things...spend some one on one time with each other, doing things you both enjoy, maybe even discover a new hobby together....enjoy loving each other again. We all hit rough patches in our marriages, we just have to work through them.
Good Luck....you can email me if you need someone to talk to .


**** wanted to add after seeing all the cheating answers that yes, they might be a possibility, but I think there would be other signs if that were going on....and This type of behavior doesn't always equal cheating!! Like I said he might just want a little change in the relatioship, or have other problems he needs to work out or talk about. **** DON'T JUMP TO ANY CONCLUSIONS that could make matters worse, but keep your eyes open. ****

Answer 2

Yeah - THAT’S the way to solve this problem - give him the “cool” treatment! You don’t like the way you are being treated and so withhold your own affection, THAT’LL show him!!! Ok, sarcasm aside --- and that was sarcasm --- think about it, “two wrongs don’t make a right” or so the saying goes. You state your husband is being “inattentive” and basically unaffectionate; he is becoming more and more irritated and has called you names. These are symptoms, they are not the problem. The question is what IS the problem ?

Yes, yes, I know you have tried to talk to him and he isn’t telling you, but resorting to the same things he is doing isn’t going to uncover the problem. Time for a good old-fashioned game of “Truth or Consequences.” You have to tell him that you are NOT imagining things and you are not weird or psycho and that things have taken a definite turn for the worse in your marriage. (Be kind when you do this kind of thing - nothing is solved by being the hurt victim when you are imparting this kind of ultimatum. Kind, generous and level-headed --- those are the key behaviors at this time.) You have to tell him that you think his behavior has changed - and HOW it has changed and when it changed. You have to ask him if he is unhappy and - if so - what is making him unhappy: you ? His work? What ? You have to tell him that you can’t feel the affection he seems to need when you are feeling so estranged from him and especially when you don’t know the reasons behind all that is going on. Then you have to tell him that this isn’t just another time you are going to express yourself - you have to back this up with a resolve to DO something. And that “doing” is that you are going to have to take yourself (and your children if you have them) out of the stressball you are living in. If that means going to live with family or friends - or even out on your own, then you are going to have to do just that. He has to know that there are CONSEQUENCES to his actions (or, in this case, his non-actions) and his refusal to communicate with you.

Answer 3

Do you spend any time anymore doing fun things together. Tell your husband you have been cool towards him to let him see how you feel at his treatment towards you. Maybe the two of you could go to some form of marriage guidance together to try and talk through your problems and how you are feeling. Has your husband been worried about anything lately that might explain a change in his behaviour?

Answer 4

Have you tried non-stop crocodile tears and drippy nose? Not to be manipulative, but let your feelings show. Okay. That may be a bit extreme, but he is taking you for granted. You are doing the right thing, I think by being "cool" with him. He's got some issues. Keep treating him with kindness and love and that will manifest in his heart and spirit in time. Rise above his weaknesses and faults and you'll lift up the both of you. Try to make your weekends feel like vacation for him and for you, too.
"What's wrong with him" is right, so just pray hard for him and you will soon enjoy a nice change. Blessings, grace and peace to you.

Answer 5

If this is recent behaviour, then you may have a bigger problem. What you are describing is a one of the classic signs of an affair. In the very beginning of an affair, the man will be very attentive towards his wife. Then, once the affair is no longer new, he begins to withdraw from his wife. He will begin to find fault with everything you do. In his mind, he is justifing the affair. If you weren't such a bad wife, person, ect. then he wouldn't have to go elsewhere to satisfy his needs. In return, if you become "cool" towards him, he may wonder if you are having an affair as well, because he recongnizes the behaviour from himself.

Answer 6

your husband is showing the classic signs of a man having an affair.............. tho this behaviour is not always the case, some men become more 'loving' towards their wives when playing away as they think it covers their tracks. whether he is cheating on you or not, your marriage is in trouble and the issue you have described needs addressing. if he wont talk to you, you can suggest some sort of counselling. your husband married you for you, stop trying so hard with the 'good wife' crap, he married you for bettre or worse honey and you dont need his childish behaviour. tell him to open up and talk to you, you need to know why he is treating you this way. personally i wouldn't accept it. marriage has its ups and downs, but good communication is the key to a long anf fulfilling one. i wish you well x

Answer 7

Its difficult to say why your husband changed. It could be stress, it could be cheating, there is no way to know unless you confront him with your concerns. If he gets irritable or angry with you for asking, I would tell him how you have noticed the change in him and if he wants to stay married to you, you both need to go for counselling. My husband changed after we were married for 6 yrs., but his was do to alcohol. I think you would know if your husband has been drinking.

It is apparent that there is a reason he changed so drastically. Being cool might work for a while, but that won't cure the problem. If you love one another then I would certainly recommend counselling if you both want to stay in your marriage.

Answer 8

He may be cheating, and if he's not, if you keep playing it "cool" then he will. I'm not sure how to tell you how to correct this problem other then to say, if you love him, when he starts to seem irritated or belittles you, tell his calmly that what he's saying hurts and you would like to find a better way for him to say what just said. If you don't love him or you know he won't change then you only other options are marriage counseling or divorce

Answer 9

A) he is cheating. B) he has a problem you do not yet know about.
C) just moodswings?

Calling you names is emotional abuse, do not allow that.
When you back off - he wants attention.
But its a *do as i say* not *say as i do* situation with him apparently.
Sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too.
Ask him directly if you have done anything to upset him, shouldn't be difficult for a direct answer, if it makes him irritable, then he is hiding something

Answer 10

sounds a bit suspect for a male in a relationship to do that he may have something to hide ie an affair id try and talk to him and clear the air good luck