My boyfriend and I are in love for the past 3 years. He often gets upset about my exes. and that many times is the reason we fight. But he says that once we are married he will never bring it up and love me unconditionally no matter wat. He wud love to dwel in a happy marital bliss for a long long time. Do men change for the better after marriage. Wat are ur feelings to ur women after u marry them?
2006-06-20 23:40:39 · 44 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think he's hoping that it will be better after marriage cause he'll have a ring on your finger to shoo away any other guy. But if he REALLY loves you and wants marriage, I think he needs to get over the jealousy issues now. If you have never cheated on him or given him a reason to be paranoid, then he's being way too insecure. If its not fixed before the marriage, it won't be after. Please don't think he'll just turn into a different person suddenly. A wedding is a commitment, a bond, a couple rings, and a piece of paper. Its not a magic wand that suddenly wisks away all his insecurities.
My sister in law and her husband battled with this issue for years. They ended up divorcing, then remarrying a few years later. But before they remarried, he had to get his act together and stop being such an insecure man when she was nothing except 100% faithful to him.
So love him, but tell him you don't want marriage until he can put this behind him. You want to start off your married life happy and healthy, not always wondering when he'll bring that up again. Its the PAST!! He needs to put it away and stop dragging it out just to torment you! If he cannot, the he needs therapy, or you need a new guy. Marriage is hard enough without going into it with issues already.
2006-06-20 23:50:35 · answer #1 · answered by Velken 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you need to get this issue resolved right away - it will keep coming up otherwise, not even marriage will stop it. If the problem is you talk to, or talk about your exes all the time STOP IT. No guy wants to hear about other guys that you may have been in love with from time to time. For guys it's all about competing and there's nothing worse then trying to compete with a memory. If he's the one who keeps bringing them up and wanting to know details - keep telling him that you love him and he's the one you want to be with. But I will say, if this issue is so huge and you keep having fights about it - you may have a very possessive dude on your arm and it might be best not to marry him at all. Men only change if they want to and choose to - same as women.
2006-06-21 00:11:15 · answer #2 · answered by Rachel 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to take a good look at that person you're about to marry and know, what you see is what you get. Getting married won't change anything about anyone and really shouldn't. Getting married doesn't change who you are, it doesn't work that way. If he's making promises now, actions always speak louder than words. Sounds like he views you as personal property and a license seals the deal. If he's jealous now, he'll be jealous always and that has nothing to do with you. He needs to work out his insecurities before he can ever believe he's worthy of anyones love. Take a better look at your relationship now because that's what it will be down the road.
2006-06-20 23:56:55 · answer #3 · answered by lmdragonldy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your b/f shouldn't be bringing up anything from your past its none of his business he should be grateful that ur honest enough to talk about your past does he have ex g/f he brings up do u get pissed and if u don't why should he is not loving u now unconditionally so whats going to change after the knot has been tied. sometimes men change for the better but most experiences i,ve been around they get worse nothing should ever be thrown up in your face run run as fast as u can
2006-06-20 23:49:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whether you marry him or not... He will change just like you will as well. In this particular case though, I think, you want to watch him for some more time before you make a decision about marrying him. He seems to be a very jealous person and I am careful with jealous people. They say that they will change but they never do!
2006-06-20 23:58:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that if he is insecure about your exes now, getting married will not change it much, then again, maybe in his mind getting married makes you his property so he would not worry so much. Will he change and be nicer after marriage? maybe he will not bring up the boyfriend thing, but if you both are fighting over other things, that will not change, it will get worse since he seems to want control of you. No, no one changes because of a little piece of paper called a Wedding Certificate. They change because they want to. If he wants to change he will, or he will be the same as he is now.
What are my feeling to my wife after I married her? they are the same as they were before we were married. nothing changes, except our ages and the the color of our hair!
2006-06-20 23:50:45 · answer #6 · answered by Pete 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone changes...regardless what people say
...everyone changes.
It's called growth and maturation.
Do they change to their word? I cannot promise you that.
In a perfect blissful world, he should love you now AS he would love when married...
Who wants to marry a person that limits their love based on the past (upset about exes) and predicates their behavioral change (I'll never bring it up again) on the condition that YOU change first (marry him) ??
That seems wrong to me.
Maybe he should learn not to be so immature...first...and then you'll marry him.
2006-06-21 00:07:32 · answer #7 · answered by Warrior 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he has a problem with your ex's now, he's going to have a problem with this after you're married. He should love you unconditionally right now and enough to not be bringing this up and letting it go instead. Marrying him isn't going to change him.
2006-06-21 00:27:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Men will remain the same . it's part of the evolutionary process (the way cockroaches haven't changed ). if he can't love you for who u are right now (minus the exes) then whats the assurance once u get married he's going to love u unconditionally ????
think Girl , think smart .
2006-06-20 23:45:46 · answer #9 · answered by dxb 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If your boyfriend is not committed to change NOW while you are dating, he will have fewer reasons to change while married, so the answer in your case is probably not. However, if he has shown you that he is willing to change and you are confident that he can/will, then he most likely will continue that pattern in marriage.
Based on what you wrote, though, I don't think he will change if you two get married. The fact that you're questioning him and wondering this leads me to believe that you don't think he will change, but you seek confirmation that he will from someone here on Yahoo! Answers.
2006-06-20 23:46:42 · answer #10 · answered by ampotratz 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋