Should I leave my husband of almost 8 years?

Question

We got married fairly young. He's a wonderful person but not the person that the adult in me would choose to be with. I care for him a great deal but the love that I once had has turned somewhat platonic in nature I guess. As we grow older it seems as though we have less in common and I enjoy spending time with him less and less. We have no children. I have been growing steadily more miserable for the past few years and sadly I've somewhat taken it out on him when he is undeserving of my negativity. I feel like it would be in the best interest of both of us to seperate - but I know that it's not what he wants and so I am torn between doing what I feel is right in my heart for myself and feeling sorry for him and staying with him based soley on the fact that I know my leaving would break his heart. How does one make this decision? Either lose myself by staying with him or break his heart by leaving? It seems there is no easy answer.

Answer 1

your unhappy, you already "resent" him and are taking out your anger on him. eventually it will turn to bitterness. its a very difficult and gut wrenching decision to divorce *i know*, but if your unhappy your cheating BOTH of you out of finding someone you both can be truly happy with.
the best thing to do is to sit down with him, tell him this is a serious discussion and tell him...everything...how you feel. that you absolutely think he is a wonderful man, and that you value him as a person, but that you don't feel the way a wife should about her husband. its not his fault *or yours for that matter*. ask him to respond to that...if he gets upset...well....what can you do. you've told him how you feel and he will need time to digest it.
time heals all wounds! and as horrible as it all feels now, it will become a sad distant memory in the future.
good luck!!!

Answer 2

Its called the 7 year itch. If you are doing nothing to make the marriage work then yeah its going to go sour over time you have to make a marriage work it doesn't do it on its own. You say you have less in common now. well find the common ground again you have to talk to figure out what you like yeah people change but they also are always the same person inside you have to try new things.Why should you lose yourself by staying that just tells me that your not trying to make a run of it your letting go you don't care for the marriage. Huh guess you should have looked deep before you leaped. Marriage isn't a toy,you shouldn't get to play house for a few years and then when house is no fun up and go. Then again this isn't what you want to hear so I am sure it will tick you off but if you don't want honest opinions the don't ask. Opinions are like a ssholes everybodys got one.

Answer 3

I think you should leave him, marry someone else, and break his heart after 8 years too. Isn't there a strange correlation between women being more independent and divorce rates? It's strange how the two have grown together. And now that women cheat more statistically(recent change in last few years), I don't see why men even want to get married? The woman will just take the kids away in (blank) number of years anyways. Women fall in love faster and men fall in love harder. Still the age old question, how do you make a woman happy? Can't. It's a women's perrogative to change her mind, right? You just hope it's not you she want change in. I say, just rearrange the furniture or something.

Answer 4

This happens a lot believe it or not. What happens is that you both mature and you both develop your own take on life and it doesn't always match up. Give counselling a chance- if anything it will make him see the differences between you two and also let him see where you are and what you want to happen. But in the end- do what is right for you. Do not stay miserable. Life is too short to live out your days in regret kay? Best of luck to you and your husband.

Answer 5

Ah, a rare well-written question...

That is a tough one. To begin with, do you really know that staying together is what he would want? Talk to him, explaining it as you have here, and see what he has to say. If he does want to stay in the relationship, why? If it's security, companionship, fear of being alone, etc., perhaps you need to convince him that you'll still be there for him after you seperate, as it sounds like you would be - as a friend at least.

As with most issues, talking is going to be the key. If you talk about it enough, at some point it may sink in that this is what you need, not just some passing whim. I must admit, as a guy, that it sometimes takes hearing something a few times for it to really register.

Bottom line, you eventually have to do what is right for you. If you don't, you'll make both your lives miserable.

Answer 6

Marriages are made for a lifetime. Two persons sharing theirlives, when things go wrong, they do go wrong many times, but seperation is not the end solution.

I`m sure you both can talk over the differences, each sacrificing a bit more, and save the marriage to become happy like old times.

Maybe your thinking in one sides only? What does the other half think. Honestly, after 8 yearsd it no joke to just walk away.

Answer 7

There really is no easy answer. Have you tried marriage counseling? What is it that made you fall in love with him? I know guys mature slower than we do, maybe if you go to a counselor and you both can sit down and work out your problems together, this will give you both a growing experience. If he loves you like he says he does, he will do anything to make it work. Don't lose yourself, try to fix the problem first. Be part of the solution and not the problem.

Answer 8

maybe you should not have gotten married in the first place. But once you are in, you have to try hard to make it work. it's a 24/7 job with no type of training and a 1 paragraph manual (your vows). It's the second most important job, right behind raising a child. Remember the manual.

Answer 9

remember your marriage vows of staying together through everything so what if he is a little childish everybody is and who is to say that next person u meet is going to be any better if he loves u then stay with him just talk with him regarding things which u feel are a bit immature and ask him not to do those things. i understand sometimes it really would get on your nerves, but try to stay with him for if he has not done u any harm u should'nt either, i would say talking is the best way forward, try it and may god bless your marriage.

Answer 10

One of the things I have learned about marriage is it's NOT about you or what YOU get out of it. Living for the other person,doing what they like and sharing in it makes a good marriage. If you BOTH do that you will get what you need. Try loving him because he needs it , not because you expect something in return. Most of the time you will get more than you expected.