what should i do?

Question

one day i decided to check into my man's cell phone and i noticed he had recieved some text messages from a girl.the text messages said where r u beautiful.answer my calls. so i called the girl and she said they had nothing going on. i asked my husband about it and he said nothing was going on so i looked into his old phone bills and noticed they had been talking for about six months.he still said the phone bills were wrong.He was also coming home late for thoese past six months he would say he was at his friends job.now all of a sudden he comes home everyday at six on the dot.so just the other day i checked his messages and i herd a different girl leaving a message and i also herd a message of a girl moaning .i love this man so much and i don't know what to do he denies everything. i just want him to stop all this. i haven't yet ask h im about the most recent messages but i don't know what to say because he doesn't know that i know his pass code to check his messages. what should i do

Answer 1

You poor thing. Finding little clues to him maybe cheating are probably eating you up inside. If he won't admit anything, don't push it. I would just keep a close eye on him with out him getting a clue as to what you are doing. Act normal. He WILL mess up. I promise. When he does, even though it hurts, leave him and take him for all he's got. No one, even if you have a bad relationship, deserves to be treated like that.

Answer 2

I haven't gone through the same situation, but something quite similar. I am currently going through the same stage, though... "what do I do?!" It is difficult to even think of leaving someone in a long-term relationship.. whether a marriage or courtship.. regardless of the situation.

I am struggling with the demons.. do I leave someone who I have invested my life in, who I love eternally, and have shared 11 years with over lies and something that feels like infidelity?

I have a serious problem with believing anything he says.. and will most likely always have this problem. Without trust, a relationship is more than difficult.. it's nearly impossible. Someone in the relationship will quite often be negatively impacted by the inability to trust.

The man involved may also resent the fact that you are unable to trust him... which you obviously have the right to... although guilt can do strange things to a person.

Honestly, I wish I could give you wonderful advice on this topic.. but I am confused as you are. The one thing I will advise you, is.. if he will not be honest with you, if he will not be an open book and allow you to be a part of *every* aspect of his life, he is not willing to work for the relationship.

If you have a way... a place to get away for a while, that is what I would do. If there is a possibility for a separation, just to see what will happen.. it may really be the best thing to do.

Unfortunately, I understand not everyone has the capability to pick up and take off for a while.. as I cannot.. but it would be a blessing.

I wish you the best of luck in resolving the situation.. be true to yourself, and to your heart. If it is, or becomes abusive in any way, please, please leave. (Although I do believe that lies and being intimate with others in *any* way is emotional abuse)

You are worth a person who will be honest with you.
You are worth a person who will not mistreat you.... and
You are worth being confident that your mate will be there for you.

*hugs* Take care.

Answer 3

Just wait until the next cell phone bill comes in and question him on the numbers that you know are the girls calling. He'll probably deny it.
Truthfully, and I don't mean to be heartless, it doesn't sound like he intends to stop whatever it is he is doing. You need to decide whether you want to continue on in this marriage knowing he is not being faithful to you. I know it may sound funny, but you may want to look into hiring a PI or that TV show Cheaters to follow him and see what he is doing. Because honestly, if it was so innocent, why wouldn't he just tell you?
I know you love him, honey, but you don't deserve this. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 4

First off you must not have trusted him in the first place or you would not have been spying on his messages. Secondly If I was him I'd tell you to take a hike. Just for checking his messages, but I will tell you that it does sound like he was messing around and got caught. Does that mean he will quit, more than likely not. Most men and women that cheat do it repeatedly. So you can stay and always wonder or get a grip and get out.

Answer 5

It is very clear that your man is cheating, the thing is do you still want be with him? at this point, he still cares about you, that's why he deny it and came home on time. that means he still want to save the marriage. you should talk to him seriously, tell him that you know what's going on and he has to completely stop all the cheating or it is over. If you can forgive and forget, give him a chance, but make your point clear and firm.

Answer 6

Wow. I'm sorry to hear what is going on. I would just be honest and direct with him and tell him how you are feeling. Tell him that he made a commitment to you and you expect him to be honest with you about what he's doing. Ask him to go to counseling with you if you think it will help. You do not deserve to be disrespected or lied to. Your man should love you and make you his number one priority. If he cannot do that, then he must pack his bags and go, however hard that may be for both of you. You deserve better. Good luck, whatever you do.

Answer 7

It's pretty obvious on what's going on. He is definitely cheating and the messages should have been a BIG SIGN to you. You more or less need to tell him to quit cheating (but he probably wont), or kick him to the curb because if he truly loved you, he wouldn't have cheated in the first place.

Answer 8

#1 You can belive he is cheating on you (what a dog!)
#2 You have to decide if you want to share him, or take him to the cleaners and find some one you can trust
#3 Tell him the next time he comes home late, you are going out, and do it!

Answer 9

dont let your love for him cloud you rbetter judgement,you may think you love him because of the time you have spent with him however if he has done those things he is cheating on you and has cheated on you,he can deny as much as he wants but you have the proof right in front of you and its been going on for 6 months now draw the line tell him if he keeps doing it his bags are packed

Answer 10

hi candy. i m 2 small 2 solve your problem or to give you any suggestion but i want to tell you one thing. u know if your luv is true than no body cud ever dare to snatch ur man. but u hav to be bold n beautiful. u hav to look on the matter by urself n shud take neccesary steps if needed. its good if u nquire everything wid that man bt don't trust him blindly.always keep ur eyes open n judge the situations wid cleverness. REMEMBER u hav to save him since u luv him the most.