How can me and my ex boyfriend achieve "just friends" status?

Question

I am still living with my ex-boyfriend and we want to be "just friends." How can I achieve this without still having feelings for him and be able to still live with him?

Answer 1

See answer below on same topic -- I think it is right on and applies to your situation:

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

It is time to move on, you have your history with him but also your future now to live for. You will not find the right guy for your future if you are still tied to this guy in any way. A cool, decent and strong man would not date a woman still tied to an ex-boyfriend.

So be strong, for yourself, wish him a wonderful life and go out and create yours. It will seem impossible for the first year, but after that you will forget about him because you will have built something meaningful in your life with a man who would never think to hurt you ;)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Asker's Rating:
wow! thank you so much! I do feel exactly as you said, but needed to hear from someone else and you said it perfectly. Thank you!

Answer 2

Oh that is a hard question. There isn't a real sense of definite answer that one can give in order to bring a precise solution. I will endeavour from what I've experienced on the subject.

It is only natural that one of the parties may not be able to let go of feelings after a breakup. One may feel more attached than the other, and feelings and emotions get further magnified. I think in you case, the close proximity you have, the constant unavoidable contact, are playing a major role.

It will have to come from your end when that comfort level is attained. Only through time or diverting of the mind can bring any real peace. You might need to spend more time on studies or find someone new. You see, friend status is great in theory but **** house in practise! More so if you have had been intimate.

I'll toss it up and say it from my own past hiccup. I had the exact same situation as you when I was in my early 20's. I lived with a girlfriend, who became an ex. It was funky at first, more so because I felt some real attachment towards her. In time, that feeling and intimacy was forgotten and we looked at each other as just friends. Discomfort would still surface, say if she brought a guy to the house (human feelings will always exist). Eventually the best move was to move out and end it.

Our friendship blossomed after this because it gave both of us time and space.

With your situation, I think you (may) need to do something similar, unless you can get over the feelings in time. If you think there is a chance of the flame to be lit again, then stay and see how it works out. If not and the discomfort of having feelings is too strong, then find a new place to stay.

It's so hard for people behave differently to situations. This is only my view and I'm sure whatever choice you make will be a good one. Cheers!

Answer 3

If u've broken up but are still living together, u've achieved 'just friends' status. The question is can u maintain it and how do u cope with a new bf while living with an ex. U are asking this question because u fear that u can't, so either move out or u will end up making up or being taken advantage of.

Answer 4

If you could do this you wouldn't need to ask!

When people are married they aren't crazy in love with each other all the time. Sometimes they're mad at each other, but they still have a committment, and they make up.

Living with your boyfriend you're trying to have like a non-sexual marriage. You're doing the hard part and not expecting to get to the making up bit. But eventually you might make up, because people do, but then he'll say he's "just friends" so don't expect anything of him.

You need to get a new place to live.

Answer 5

You need to leave and go on with your life. You are not living in a sitcom where you can easily get over these things and turn it into a joke. You have real feelings and living with him may be setting you up for more rejection. Besides, could you really handle seeing him with another girlfriend? Well prepare yourself for that shock.

Answer 6

You shouldn't do anything that would provoke him to go crazy. Just don't post anything except that you should change your status to single, perhaps he will get the hint that way. Sometimes it does look immature to post stuff like that on facebook. Just ignore him he will go away eventually, and you will find someone else.

Answer 7

It's impossible. Just move on in your life and make him non existant. It's easier to forget about someone then it is to make room for them in your life. So give him the boot and tell him 'See ya later'. Hey, if he was good enough you would still be with him, no matter what the circumstance.

Answer 8

You need to get it through your head that your romantic relationship is over. Once you do that being friends should come pretty naturally. Treat him just like you treat your other friends, nothing more nothing less.

Answer 9

try moving out.