What do I do?

Question

I am a single mom who is in a position to work a full time job at a major food distribution company then bad luck struck as I have no one to help me care for my son (4yrs old). My finances are tight so I can't afford child care, so I've decided to let my son go live with his dad in south carolina so that he won't have to struggle along with me.

I am a full time student and want to continue on with my studies to get out of this trap that life has presented to me. I have a nice apartment and want to give it up at the end of my lease so that I can make this transistion that I must make for my life (put my things in storage, rent a studio apartment, and start all over).

Grant it, there are many single moms who struggle and triumph over lifes matters. Am I doing the right thing by sending my son away so that I can better my life which will benefit us both or am I taking the easy way out?

I'm afraid that his dad won't give him back to me, but what do I do?

Answer 1

i really hope dad doesnt give him back, you have abandoned your kid to pursue your own selfish interests. dont bother saying you're doing this for your son, deep down you know better.good luck making all that money your son doesnt care about.i hope dad can provide him with love.i just hate people like you.

Answer 2

You are taking the easy way out. And I can guarentee that your son will probably hold it against you in the future. Especially if you plan for him to live there permanently. It's worse to move a child around than it is to have him struggle with you. The child would not be struggling. YOU would be struggling. Take care of your child. However, if you really think that your mothering skills are impared by your new life then give him up, but don't expect him to be happy about it or to understand it EVER. Children know what's going on a lot more than we think they do. If you send him away chances are that he will take it as his mother not wanting him anymore. And you will start your new life without him and grow further and further apart from your life as a mother

Answer 3

i think you should try and struggle it out together with your son. at his age he doesn't need a luxurious lifestyle so dont worry about depriving him. as long as u can get him clean comfy clothes and enough food ull manage. I'm a full time student and so was my husband for the first two years of my sons life. we struggled but somehow ends always used to meet.i know u may think its different coz u single but it ain't. being single is not a problem, its how you handle your situation that's important. u can live with yo son in a small sparsely furnished attatchment. think of the trouble you ll put him thru if ever theres a custody battle when u want him back. but then again theres nothing wrong with him living with his dad if u guys can make an arrangement suitable for y'all. dont be too hard on yourself thou coz I'm now thinkin who's gonna be with him when you at school. so maybe his dad is a good idea if theres no one else.wat about yo parents or grandparents. cant u come up with an arrangement where u leave him with a relative duringg the day and durin exams u send him to his dad for a while. good luck dear, whatever decision u make, dont overburden yourself with guilt, u do deserve your chance at a better life

Answer 4

You are right for wanting to better yourself and this seems like a good way to do it. The things you need to ask yourself are this:
Will my son be happy with his father?
Will his father treat him well?
Is doing this going to give my son a better life?
Will I be able to get my son back when I am ready?
I think that if you can answer yes to those questions, then you are making the right choice.

Answer 5

Wow, this is tough. My first thought is to do everything in your power to keep your son. Have you looked into your county for financial assistance? Usually, in situations like yours, they would offer free or very low cost child care. Please look into that before you have him go live with his father. If you love him, which I am certain you do, you will regret that decision later.
Another option is to find someone you trust that you can trade off babysitting with. On your off days and hours, you can watch their child, and vice versa (for example, you work days and she has your child along with hers, then she works nights and you have her child along with yours). Chances are there are other single moms in your area with the same predicament who would be willing to do this (provided they work the opposite days and shifts as you do). This takes a bit of time and a little creativity, but it can be done!
A third option is to offer something you are good at in exchange for child care.
Good luck and don't give up! Your little boy needs you!

Answer 6

have you tryed state assistence for child care? they will pay for some, if not all if you need help and qualify. then you wont have to worry about sending your son away, and then worry if you are going to get him back. he is only 4, he is not going to understand why mommy sent him to live with daddy. they dont understand money, and trying to get on our feet. if you need to start over, start over with him. he will learn that when the going gets tough, you were always there for him and did everything you possibly could to keep him happy and keep food on the table. if you lived close to me, i could help you out on child care. i have 3 children of my own, one is a 4 year old boy as well. i know that probably sounds weird coming from a complete stranger, but i feel single moms need to stick together and help each other to benifit from our lives, and make our children learn that there is no easy way in life, that you need to work for what you get(not saying you are taking the easy way out or anything). i have known kids that have had the same situation happen to them where the mom sends the kids to live with dad until they can get on their feet, then the kids end up not wanting to go back to live with mom. its heartbreaking, and i would hope that if it came down to it, and you had to send him to live with his dad, that it would never, ever happen to you. wish you the best of luck, and hope it all works out.

Answer 7

I don't know what state you live in, but I know many states aid single moms who work or go to school with childcare. Here in CA it's called CCRC (child care resource center) - and they pay for daycare as long as you work/go to school. You get to choose your daycare and as long as they are a part of the CCRC network they will pay for it.
Check into it and see if your state has something like that, that way your son can remain with you even though you are working.

Answer 8

Hi ! look, don't be afraid of responsibility, you are a mother, mothers needs to sacrifice in lots of ways and this the way for you. You know that you won't be able to meet your son but still you opting for this option. My humble suggestion is that don't be scared of this situation and look for a solution, this is wonderful opportunity to make yourself a mother, a true mother, which sacrifices her longing.
I know that financial problems are there, but this will remain always so why lose this precious gift of motherhood.

Answer 9

I think you made the right choice since nobody would take care of your son. Always keep in touch with them regularly. On his dad, I think should have a mutual agreement with him to clarify your issues with him regarding your son. Good luck!

Answer 10

...good.... persue ur study...as a single mom...u must talk this matter to ur son....u had look after him since the day he was born and its 4 years now....tell to him that u need a better job...so that both of u will be together again...do not worry...i am sure that when u have graduated and u got a a stable job...he will be happy and proud to have a mom..whom is responsible...as for ur husband.....he is still ur friend.....go for it....MOM....