Should I stay with my wife?

Question

I met my wife when she was under age and I didnt know it. We sit and talked and kept seeing each other until I fell in love. She talked to me and told me about how bad her life was and it reminded me of my past, which made me feel sorry for her. Then we decided to get married to help get her out of her bad situation and the fact that I loved her. Her friends started messing in our relationship, caused her to start getting verbally and physically abusive with me, so I asked her to stop hanging out with her friends, which made her hate me and treat me even worse. Then her friends made it look like she was cheating on me and caused me to have a car wreck which almost killed me. Then 7 days before we were supposed to get married she had got back on drugs and god only knows what really happened but she told me something bad had happened and caused me to go out in the snow and I ran off the road several times. and shes still verbally and physically abusive towards me.

My wife's excuse for what she does is because I try to supervise who she hangs with cuz certain people cause her to wanna go back to the lifestyle she had before she met me. I feel that if she wants to be with me she should be willing to give up the drugs and wanting to flirt with other guys who have already had sex with her and to stop hangin around that convince her to be physically and verbally abusive with me. Yes, I ***** at her when she does something wrong but I try to do it in a calm tone of voice and then she starts telling me to shut up and starts attacking my manhood until I get mad enough to start throwing her past up in her face like she is doing with me. and then she wants to hit me and sometimes she does. Shes saying that I'm the one in the wrong cuz I ***** about when she does something wrong. She doesnt seem to understand what i'm saying to her isnt to make her feel bad its just me trying to help her thats why I'm talking in a calm tone of voice..continued....

Then after I get finished trying to talk to her about 30 minutes of her rolling her eyes and sassing me like a 4 year old I finally lose my temper and raise my voice, then she finally starts paying attention to what I'm saying, but the fact that I've raised my voice makes her want to get physical, and she feels that shes justified in doing so because where I raised my voice to her, and where shes been getting so physically abusive towards me I have had to hold her down cuz where shes also attempted to kill herself after she realizes what she had done to me. THen she sits and makes it sound like I'm being physically abusive to her when I'm the one with the beat in face and shes just got a few bruises on her wrist or arms cuz I had to hold her down. to keep her from seriously hurting me, or herself.

SHE ISNT STILL ON DRUGS. BUT HER FRIENDS ARE TRYING TO GET HER BACK OIN THEM, AND SHE ADMITS THAT IF I DONT STAY ON HER THAT SHE WILL GET BACK ON THEM WITHOUT ME. BUT SHE HATES ME FOR THE FACT THAT I'M KEEPING HER AWAY FROM THOSE PEOPLE AND THE CAR INCIDENT I HADNT HAD SLEEP FOR 2 DAYS AND SHE CALLED ME AND DUMPED ME AND THEN I CALLED HER BACK AND THEN SHE HUNG UP ON ME AND THEN SHE CALLED ME BACK AND BEGGED ME TO COME UP THERE TO HER HOUSE AND HER DAD SAID IT WAS ALRIGHT. THE REASON SHE DUMPED ME WAS HER FRIENDS HAD HER ON THE PHONE TALKING TO A GUY THAT TOLD HER TO COME UP AND HAVE SEX WITH HIM FOR SOME PILLS AND THEN HER FRIEND WHO WAS SUPPOSED TO HELP US OUT WHEN SHE CAME OVER TRICKED ME INTO TAKING THEM TO THAT GUYS HOUSE. THEN IT LOOKED LIKE SHE WAS DOING SOMETHING THROUGH THE WINDOW AND WHEN I STARTED TO GO IN HER FRIEND CAME OUT AND PUSHED ME BACK INTO THE VEHICHLE AND THEN NOT ONLY THAT IT WAS RAINING AND THERE WAS TONS OF OIL ON THE ROAD FOR SOME REASON.

Answer 1

When I was going through coming off drugs, (October 2005), my now husband made a commitment to me that he would help me no matter what the cost to get out of the game. I wanted out so I did what ever he told me to. I didn't like it at times, but he aloud me to have my fits and never held any of it against me. He moved me out of our home town, he gave me the choice to work, and he listened to me even in the times I didn't make any sense. He bought me a diary, so I could write down my feelings and only read it if I asked him to. I was mean to him at times, and I hit him too. (Not that I hurt him, he is built like a rock) When I babbled too much, he yelled at me and put me in my place. I had to make the choice of either I get my act cleaned up or I lose the best thing that has ever happened to me.
The only way to help her in my opinion, is ask her. "Do you want to keep destroying yourself, or move on and have a good life with me." Get her away from her friends. If you need to move away, do so. When your in the race, you can't see what is important to you and what is not. It's hard. Probably the hardest thing I have ever done.
Be patient and let her make the choice. You can't make her make the right choice. She might have to lose everything in order to see the whole picture.
Good luck.

Answer 2

Now from your presentation I don't think that you have been married yet which does not qualify you to call her your wife and thus does not place any binding obligation between the two of you.
Stuff like this happens and its only great when we discover it beofre too late. However if i did miss it and you really did get married blessed and everything then things may be a little hard for you but not so very. From that point its something else. You will have treat it as a sore thumb; your first thought is never to cut it off but paitently you give it all it takes in the hope that it will behave as normal again. I can assure you that she did behave normally at acertain time and thats when you loved her. What you need is to sit down and understand her needs and then provide for them (of course ont on the drugs) while at the same time you are shaping her into that lady that you can cnfortably live with. Its not such an easy task to gel two lives together so that you begin to live as one. The pressure of the responsibility that you have towards one another is so emmense and unless properly taken care of always bursts into so many numerous pieces that you can't put together. But you need to understand just how necessary this is and put in all you have got because there is no one who is perfect but rather there is always someone for us to perfect.
All ladies are loveable

Answer 3

There is always two sides to any story. Sounds like your wife has had and is still having a problem with drugs. This is probably a real hard situation. But, if drugs are involved sometimes you do have to play tuff love with those situations. Always, remember in any relationship when things start to go bad remember that ONLY YOU WILL KNOW WHEN YOU HAVE HAD ENOUGH. All the talking in the world from someone else will not matter at all only you will know when you have had enough. Good luck!!!

Answer 4

You should talk to your wife and let her know how you feel. She needs to understand that your marriage and her husband needs to come before any friends she has - I don't care how close she is to them. Since you met her when she was so young she is probably immature - which is causing all this "high school" type drama with the friends/drugs/etc.
Tell her that you are willing to make it work but that you both need to go to marriage counseling. She needs to understand where you are coming from and that marriage is a serious committment. She should also understand that if her friends are bad influences and are getting into your marriage they need to go - it's that simple.

Answer 5

in sickness and in health,till death do us part...does that ring a bell? marriage is about being there for each other. id suggest you try your best to get her out of this mess, tell her how u hate it when shes abusive and if u are religious pray together. when you feel you have tried your best then u can think about leaving, only after you have done everything that's humanly possible to change your situation. good luck, I'm praying for you. p.s true love conquers

Answer 6

you know, if you are her husband you can have her committed for drug abuse. if you really want to work it out, and you really love her, you may need to make the tough descion to get her the help she needs. she has a lot of issues in her head that she needs to learn how to deal with in a healthy way. she seems to be on a road to desruction. if you love her, get her help. i am not saying she will get help, be better and the two of you will live happily ever after. if she doesnt want to get better, she will hate you for it. once she relizes what you did for her, and how you helped her, she will appreciate it. Good luck and i hope everything works out for the best.

Answer 7

You have two choices:

1. You can leave her and move on as you don't deserve the way she is treating you OR

2. You could be by her side and help her get out of this mess that she is in and get her right again. This option will be very difficult too and it will be a tough fight for love.

Answer 8

Let me ask you a question please..

WOULD YOU ACCEPT THIS KIND OF TREATMENT FROM YOUR MOM, DAD, BROTHER, SISTER, COUSIN, AUNT, UNCLE, GUY AT WORK, or THE NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR ??????????????

Then why would you ALLOW her to treat you like that? You are allowing and condoning that kind of abuse.. YES it is abuse...

You are a MAN for goodness sakes, Act like it. Stand up and walk away.. Be the man God meant you to be..

It is NEVER ok to hit or abuse another human. NEVER.. NEVER NEVER.. Life is NOT suppose to be this way. It is NOT normal. LOVE should NEVER hurt.....

God made each of us special and unique and for each of us he made someone else equally unique and special. This woman is not your soul mate.. How can the person God made for you, ever get to you when your life is a shambles?

God Bless & hugs From Texas.
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Answer 9

Respectfully, no one cause you to have a wreck unless they're in the car with you or driving in your immediate vicinity. Were they?
Was it really all your wife's fault? Did you not have anything to do with this behaviour?
Did something bad really happen when she said it had?
Not enough info to completely help you dude.
Good Luck, sounds like it's been rough.

Answer 10

She could be in a bad shape of hysteria forced on her by the friends as you stated. If you love her in reality, please do all out efforts towards damage control exercise to her and then only go for marriage. Don't be panicy or serious of her behaviour, which could be due to her physio-mental imbalance.