How do you get rid of feelings for a married woman?

Question

I've had this crush for a co-worker for over a year now and found out she's married.

Before we met, we've been having stares and gazes at each other that I've lost count already. There were even lots of times that I can feel her presence and when I look into her eyes when we talk, I feel safe, as if I know her from a past life. We've talked a few times and I've actualy invited her for coffee b4 I knew she was married but she was busy that time coz it was Easter weekend. I didn't invite her again after that for fear of being rejected.

I know I shouldn't pursue her coz she is after all married. However, if she is str8, then why the stares and gazes? People have told me to forget her coz str8 (if she really is) married women always go back to their husbands... but what abt the women who are married and finally realized they're gay?

I don't know what to do anymore, coz I think abt her everyday. So, how can I forget her if I see her at work atleast 3x/wk? Thanks for any replies.

Answer 1

the simple answer, and of course one of the hardest to actually follow is to find someone else. unfortuently there's no quick fix for the situation. you're only going to have to let this run it's course. try to distance yourself from her-which is hard to do, thanks to the fact you both work together. if you feel like your gaze is too long, then break it and look away. you can talk to her, but keep it short and simple, friendly but professional.
and in the meantime go out and see what girls are out there. there plenty of gay girls out there who would like to meet you. you got to be very careful about people questioning their sexuality. it almost always ends badly.
sorry that you're going through this, and i hope that in time your head and heart will be ready to love someone who will be free to love you back completely.

Answer 2

That is a tough situation and one I can sympathize with all too well. I WAS the married woman at one point. I fell so in love with the woman who is now my partner and I know who is my soul mate. But let me give you this piece of advice, from one who has been there....it's a long, complicated road....especially if she has children. Think VERY hard before you pursue her. Fortunately for me, my marriage was pretty much over anyway when my partner came into the picture and had been for a good long while. Just be respectful of her marriage, ok? Try to find some folks to go out with and try to put yourself in a position to meet an available girl. Hugs to you! I wish you the BEST!!!!

Answer 3

Honey, everyone falls for a straight woman at some point. It always sucks, and it usually ends badly. Just ride it out and try not to do anything you'll regret. Unrequited love doesn't last forever. Even if she were to come out today (all the way out, not the inching out of the closet that most of us do), do you remember what you were like when you first came out? I'll bet you were an emotional wreck, I know I was. That's not someone you can build a relationship with.

Answer 4

It's hard to "get over" someone. But what you need to realize is that you probably can't get rid of the feelings. But what you CAN do is get lost into other hobbies/going out with other friends/etc. to hopefully push those feelings away from your primary mode of thinking.

I don't know. That's the best advice I can give you. I'm still somewhat reeling over someone to an extent . . . and those feelings have slowly crept into the back of my brain. But the truth is - these feelings probably won't go away.

Answer 5

Well to expect her to just leave her husband (and maybe kids) for you....thats a lot to ask of her. if she is happily married I'd have to tell you to look somewhere else for love.
She might be willing to play with you sexually for awhile, but hubby will probably want to watch.
Sorry its probably not what you wanted to hear, but if she is married and happy no need to break that up or get yourself hurt over it.

Answer 6

ask yourself if you think at the end of the day, this woman will be there for you. if you answered yes, then go on, continue with what you are feeling. if no, rethink. its ok to fall in love with a straight (?) married woman. who are they to judge about what you feel, about what makes you happy? but acting on those feelings can lead to different situations. as long as you are ready to cry and be hurt just so you can be happy then its fine. life is short. life is a search for love. life is a search for happiness. follow your heart.

Answer 7

Avoid her and put yourself in situations at work and away from work where you can meet friends and potential romantic interests instead of being stuck on a gaze...if she's married and gay, she has a lot to work out before pursuing any relationship. And inevitably, the first one never lasts.

Answer 8

The best thing to do is consider how wrong it would be to persue this relationship. This woman is married - you should respect that fact alone. Would you want someone going after your girl if you were married?

Answer 9

Flee!
Stay far from her.
Do not be alone with her.
The grass is not greener on the other side,its an aloostion.
Youll only be tradeing one set of problems for anouther.
If you must,find some one eles your atracted to.
Start trying to find her faults.Beleive me shes got em.

Answer 10

i like a married woman too in my university, sometimes i dreamt of her, but shes straight. shes very nice to me and she seems to know that i'm a lesbian.
im still friend with her, i dont wanna think about her and stay away from her, so i can forget her.