why did he join an adult dating site????? again????

Question

i just found out that the b/f who says he loves me so much joined adult actioncam which is a site for sex meetings. the last time this happened,m he said he was just curious and looking would never do it. i honestly didn't think he woul=d ever sleep with someone like that. he's been with 2 women in 17 years. do you think he';s just curious, or shoud i get out now. i told him if he did it again, i was gone. does this mean he's done with us? we are supposed to be married soon. i don't know how to approach him with this knowledge. plz help

Answer 1

happyhere,

The fact he is going to a website doesn't mean he doesn't love you. Speaking bluntly, he masturbates, he looks at other women, he picks his toenails, etc. In short, he does all the normal "guy" stuff.

I know it might be difficult to reconcile how he can be "so in love" with you and be involved in these "distractions" but it is very possible. He might be curious, he might have decided that he wants a certain kind of relationship with you and he will get other devious needs fulfilled outside of your relationship. It might also mean he secretly wants you to do some of that stuff, but he doesn't have the guts to ask.

Long story short, if this bothers you, and it obvioulsy does to the point that you threatened to end the relationship over it, consider talking to him about this. You don't have to tell him you caught him a second time, but you should ask him if he is really fulfilled - both emotionally and physically...or ask him on a scale of 1-10, or some other way that might get him to open up without feeling threatened - it won't be easy because this is a delicate subject.

Anyway, good luck.
C

Answer 2

Get out now. When I read your question the first thing I thought was this is how it starts....trouble. Red flags should be all over the field. To me if a man is going to a site like this his interest is starting to wonder elsewhere....and do you know something if he knows you don't like it he'll hide it from you and start lying. There's absolutley no reason he should even entertain the idea of visiting a site such as this one. Even though he's not maybe physically screwing the women he's watching there, he's going to start fantisizing about it....finding ways to visit the site without you knowing. He may be out with the friends and see some chick that flirts with him,and because he's being unfaithful to you by watching other women on the site, he may mess around with her and feel like he's gotten away with it. To me he doesn't sound like he's content with you. I'm sorry I don't mean to be mean, but porn to me is like adding poisen to your relationship, it can only draw you apart. The men I've been in relationships with that were really into porn, cheated on me...and I'm not saying because they liked to watch other women on dvd having sex led to it but it made me feel really inadequate because I was nothing like those girls..I was/am classy and sexy. But both of those men I was with that were into porn I later found out were with women were really trashy. I really don't know you're whole situation but I hope that things work out for you. I'm sure you're a really great girl with alot to offer someone. Men are men no matter where their from or social status they have only a few things on their mind....sex, eating, sex, watching sports, sex, and sleep....
Good luck,
rocky2vin

Answer 3

He doesn't feel comfortable doing what he wants to do, in the relationship, so he hides it. Not a very good foundation for the two of you, unfortunately.... Is he wrong for pursuing his interests? Many people would say yes, but i would have to say no. I believe that in a good relationship, nobody really has to change very much...sexually or otherwise. The difficulty in this is that often we have to accept that the person we are with is not right for us...and move on. He does not appear to want to change (many people settle happily into monogamy, but other people wind up leading a double life. Curiously, if both people are self-assured enough to be happy with themselves and not concerned with what the other is doing, that works too...) It's all about what makes YOU happy...and if he does not make you happy, changing him is not the answer, nor is attempting to control him with threats such as "I'm leaving if you don't XX/YY or if you XX/YY again". There are exceptions, of course...everyone has self-centered moments when they are disrespectful of those close to them, and it is ok to let them know they have stepped on your toes. But, i think in this case, there is something fundamental about him, that you are not willing to accept.



Please bear in mind that all this comes from one paragraph you have posted...these were just the first thoughts that came to mind regarding your situation...


Good luck :)

Answer 4

So you've made an idle threat......'if he did it again' etc.
And apparantely you're not gone, as you said you would be. I guess if you dont trust him, then how can your relationship work? Please strongly reconsider your marriage plans. Please pay attention to the red flags! I dont see that you need to go into any details, other than..."I'm very hurt that you've lied to me, and I'm having a difficult time respecting your word"

Just curious: Why do you move seeming every 4 years?
Which would say you're due for a move nx year....

Answer 5

How can I put this delicately?

If he's done it twice, he'll most likely do it again. Doesn't necessarily mean that he'll cheat, but he obviously has a problem with porn and it MIGHT mean that he'll take vows of fidelity much less seriously.

I think you'd better just spit it out and tell him how you feel about it honestly. And if this is a deal breaker, you'd better make that painfully obvious.

Answer 6

I was in exactly the same situation with my b/f. It went on for 4 years to long and eventually one day I woke up to myself and got out. My b/f started meeting people off the net, we had people coming to our front door and he even went to the extent of meeting some of them all the while telling me he was in love with me. There is someone else out there that will treat you better.

Answer 7

If you were already married i would say stay and fight for your marriage.There are men who cannot be trusted when it comes to women.
It may not mean that you don't satisfy him but it's only that he wants to try many as he can.
Who knows what he has done or will do.
when you are ready to live with that go on and marry him. Let him know you know what he has been doing.

Answer 8

Talk to him about and find out why he goes on the site. I don't think it's good for a relationship - especially a marriage for a man to be lusting after girls on the computer and it certainly can lead to cyber affairs, real life affairs, etc.

Answer 9

I would leave and let him know now before you do marry him, that you will stick by your word! If he really loves you he will come find you and dump the computer pals! If you don't stand by your word, he will know just that and why care, if there are no reprocussions to his actions.

Answer 10

You did say "again" right? That alone explains everything. Whatever he says, he won't stop - period. Rip him off like a band-aid. It'll hurt at first, but in the end you'll be glad its done.