Your honest opinion/suggestions will be appreciated...?

Question

I beleive in a true relationship sex plays a great role. My wife doesn't have any desire or drive for that. She can live without it for days/months even years. I tried talking into her many times. I try to give her as much pleasure as possible during the course, in return I get very little. I am really tired of asking every single time I feel as if im forcing her against her will

Couseling is not a option, cause I do not want to get her to do something that she is not interested in. If it doesn't come naturally for her then be it but the lack of it really bothers me in great deal every single day/months

Is once or twice a month is normal for couples in mid 30's?
I do pleasure myself otherways many days/nights. I really have hole in my heart that it seems that I cant share with anyone cause I dont know where to turn. I even contempleted seeing other woman but I cant because I sure dont want to ruin my marraige by doing so. It realy creates anger and frustration within. Pls HELP

Answer 1

you described things my husband has expressed. I"ve had issues with disinterest. Sex for me is very emotinal, I couldn't do it unless I was ready and have never been able to perform for recreation. This was very ahrd on the hubbie, because to him it was the only way he could show me love vs. the bonding, cuddling/spending time together I craved. We tried many things, but I still could not get into the mood. We ended up changing our birth control to a non-hormonal method, and since then I can get aroused on my own and can approach him for sex (the dr did say that wouldn't make a difference though). I would recommend for you to remain supportive. Show her that you love her without the physical act... For me, even the mention of it would bring up frustration and tears. COuld your wife be suffering from other emotional pain? could sex be bringing back memories of suppressed trauma? I'm sure she knows your frustration, and your expressing it may just stir up bad feeling for her (she feels bad about it). give her flowes and send cards for no reason... take timeout to be with her and do things she enjoys together, and most of all tlel her how much you love her.

Answer 2

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through such a terrible time. I know it's not fair to you and causing a lot of resentment. However, your wife may be suffering from a medical condition. Has sex always been an issue in your marriage, did she recently have a child?
There could be all sorts of things going on with her. Without the help of some guidance. Your sex life with your wife will always be in bondage. It's great to hear that you're not wanting to force your wife to do anything she not wanting to do. This may be an medical issue that she has no control over. By talking to a counselor or seeing a doctor can/will do you guys some good.
If you can..If your wife isn't too sensitive..I suggest you share with your wife what you shared with us. In fact.. let her read your posting and the answers given. Perhaps this will convince her to try seeking some help before it's too late.

As someone mentioned..You've got to ask..How do you treat her outside of the bed..Talk to her..
I wish you guys the best!

Answer 3

no,once a month isnt normal for any married couple (or any other for that matter)
i cant say what the problem is....but have a few suggestions.
how does you wife feel about herself?does she know you find her attractive,or does she loath her body?self image has a big part in our willingness to get naked and enjoy it.
does you wife know you are interested in her not only physically,but also emotionally?if you only show interest in the physical side,she may fell used,as if you only want half of her.
what kind of backround does your wife have?was she from a traditional backround that taught her that sex was something bad and dirty?what were her thoughts on the subject when you married her?
are there hang ups in her past that are keeping her from performing today?
you are perfectly right that a balance marriage should have enough loving to satisfy both husband and wife.i also think you did well not to see other women.it shows your commitment to your marriage.it is too bad that many wives have driven their husbands to this by their continued refusal to satisfy their needs.
you said that you talked to your wife many times.does she realiae that you are struggling?
is she committed to your marriage the same way you are?
if she does not realize how much this means to you,she may just think that it isnt a big deal.dont hide if from her.
openess can only help you resolve this situation.
have you considered that she might have a homonal difficency?
maybe her chemical balance is off.there is also medical help for people with low sex drives.
these are just a few thoughts.hope they help.

Answer 4

I read a lot of good advice here. I liked (Chicken's) advice.Sir I think the reason I read this is b/c My husband is going through the same thing.I'm not interested either to a point.I was hoping I could use some advice for my self.I found it here. I finally put the words to the feelings I have.I'm holding grudges against my husband.I hate the way he treats one kid over the other.For years now I've went to bed mad at him because of how they are treated.It's hard to be lovey Dovey when I'm so angry.So angry that now I can see where some of my illness have came from.It's a big help when they are clean and smelling good from head to toe and teeth can not forget the mouth.I don't know if any of this will help you but all the other comments helped me. God Bless you Sir and your marriage.

Answer 5

Tell her how you feel. Exspecially if you love each other! Maybe try a romantic getaway for you both, sometimes just getting away from the house, makes me in an even better mood!!!

It could be a medical problem or early menopause, in which case she should see a doctor, but you will not know unless you sit and talk with her to see how she feels.

And sex does play a great role in a relationship, without passion, you will get bored and turn away...at least you are asking for opinions, but what you really need is hers. And if you feel you can't talk to her about it.....

write it in a letter and leave it where she will be able to see it...maybe she'll write you one back!

Answer 6

That's a tough one... but you're not alone. There's a lot of couples no having sex these days. The most common is the DINS couples or Dual Income No Sex. I think if you have sex less than 10 times a year you are in a sexless marriage. What's most troubling about your story is the fact that it seems like it's only your problem and not hers as well. Bottom line, she is an integral part of your sex life. If the infrequency of sex is a problem for you, it should be a problem for her too. I recommend you find a sex therapist/marriage counselor. It's worth exploring for the sake of the marriage. Good luck.

Answer 7

Your wife might have a low libido due to a medical condition - hormones play a huge role is sex drive. Counseling shouldn't be out of the question, either - it might get to the bottom of what could be causing her to have no interest in sex.
Many women associate sex with emotional connection - do have a good relationship with her? Try to talk to her and have fun with her, spice things up a bit - try a mini vacation or a big vacation with just the two of you.

Answer 8

I know what your talking about. I am the same way with my husband. It's not that I don't love my husband or love to have sex with him. It's that there are other things that play a factor on it. Do you have kids or roommates? Are you helping around the house to make more time for her to relaxe? I know from my exprience I was always tired. I have kids and my 20 yr old nephew lives with us. Never the right time. I have been making changes to help things improve. If you would like she can IM me at my yahoo acct which is the same name listed here. Maybe she needs to talk to someone. I found that talking to an outsider helped me. Good Luck!!!

Answer 9

I like the first one it's very unusual. :) Connor is lovely, but he'll get teased in school if his middle name is Ainsley. I don't really like the name Trinity as much as I used to because it is WAY overused, but Addison is cute. ^_^ I have a few girl name suggestions, but i'm not really big on the double middle name jazz, so you can mix and match with the ones you may want to use. Oliza Vere Destery Liss (boy or girl) Kallen Ni (boy or girl) Euphemia Li Nagita Valid (boy or girl) Nadya Li Natalie Dawn Amilyn Harlow Kiya Alana Jocelyn Jacqueline Luna Jasmine Adelaide Karita Constantin Quinn Petra Katerina Danica Ivy Genevieve Beatriz Jade Via Kiarna Elizabeth Arabella Soraya Talia Madalena I have my boy name suggestions here: Oliver Lane Jack Christopher Destery Liss Kallen Ni Alexander Cobriana Xander Fray Christopher Jace Shane Fre Nagita Valid Kanami Evangel Constantin Quinn Wren Carlisle Benjamin Jasper Blake Neal Fallon Reeze Elliot Jesse Emersyn Lahn But of course it's YOUR baby. So name it what YOU want. ^_^ I am simply here for suggestions.

Answer 10

Some women have the eqivelent to Male erictile dysfunction and need medication. It sounds like her libido is low. Yes it would be wonderful for everyone to want to have sex all the time but that is not realistic. Some people need medication. You have to think of it like this.. If she had diabetes would you want her to take medication for that? Or if she had anemia and had very thin blood would you want her to then? It is a real condition and sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands. Talk to her about goingot see a doctor. I can almost assure you that she has a medical condition. Good luck and God bless.