Why do so many GAY MEN find it IMPOSSIBLE to remain committed to one man ? Gay life is about empty sex and?

Question

loneliness, drugs and alcoholism, ENDLESS PROMISCUITY, SELF-HATRED, and discrimination of every form (especially amongst gays themselves).

Does it EVER occur to other gay men that MAYBE, just MAYBE, GAY LIFE WAS NOT MEANT TO BE ? That God doesn't "approve", that AIDS is a PUNISHMENT FOR ALL THAT EMPTY, LONELY, ADDICTIVE SEX ? Do you really think the gay "community" is really a "community" or just a bunch of horny men passing through, taking what they can get, sleep with whoever, and then moving onto "heterosexuality" and settling-down with a woman, or at least by yourself ?

LIFE IS HARD, GAY 'LIFE' IS EVEN HARDER -- AND ALL FOR WHAT ? A ******** ? NOT WORTH IT.

46 years of experience. Do I sound "bitter" ? Gee, can't imagine why !!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 1

Um... you have a lot wrong there. First and foremost gay men are NOT the number one carrier of the AIDS virus. The number one carrier is straight black women. Second off, I have known many many gay couples that are not only monogamous but also very happy. I haven't yet been to a gay marriage but I know a married lesbian couple (My high school English teacher and her wife). Gay life is definitely gay(Happy) for me, the community is very real. I am a very proud lesbian woman who is smart, hardworking and talented.

As a further note, Just because something is hard doesn't mean that you should turn away from it. If you had gone to college you would have learned that sometimes, the harder path(Honors classes for instance) often yields a greater reward. Gay men and women who try to be something they aren't have an easier time socially, but they are destroying themselves emotionally. I would rather suffer all the pain and humiliation in the world then deny my true self.

Answer 2

Dude, you need to get some new friends and some new hang outs. Seriously. The gay men I hang out with are very sweet, caring, committed, and don't have sexual addictions. And I've been to three gay male wedding ceremonies in the last year, all for couples over 30 (one mid 30's, one early 40's, and one 39 year old and a 54 year old).

You need therapy stat man. What kind of self loathing crap is this AIDS is punishment for lonely addictive sex? What the hell is that about? What planet are you on right now? Because it is not the one I'm living on. No wonder you attract self loathing losers - you are a self loathing loser. Nice normal guys take one look at people like you and RUN in the opposite direction.

The gay community is not a magical place where you will be automatically welcomed and all your problems will be fixed. It is an opportunity. If you take your opportunity and turn it into a depressive self-loathing sex addiction venue, that really is no one's fault but your own. I feel like the gay community around me is great, but that is because I meet nice stable people through mutual activities for BOTH friendship and sex and most of all, not to bolster my own flagging self esteem. I'm pretty damn awesome and the gay community doesn't exist to make me feel good about me. If that's what you're using it for, no wonder it is unfufilling.

Get a therapist. Get new friends. Get some hobbies. Get some freaking self esteem. And quit whining and whining and whining about how tough your poor widdle life is. Your life sucks because you make it suck. Take some responsibility and CHANGE YOUR LIFE if it is empty and lame.

Answer 3

Sorry but you do sound bitter, ask your self why? there are plenty of gay men and women who have gay partners for life, maybe you have been looking in the wrong direction, some go from man to man looking for the perfect partner but never find them the same as heteros. Slow down gay guy and decide what you want from a guy, write it down, all the things that is,everything, then read it and see how realistic you are, and is the list achievable or are you being too bombastic about it all, when you have the answer go looking for the person that is close to the quality things you want and accept the qualities he doesn't have, not all guys are perfect even you.

Answer 4

Give me a break......

If the so called straights were to be left without those (socio-legal) laws which govern them (heterosexual marriages) now, then i do not have any doubt they would be as promiscous as gay men. Gay is isnt all abt sex only.

Even after having so many laws for these self proclaimed Heterosexuals...many of them would still have affairs with women, secret marriages, illegal children, visiting prositutes, and so many things including having sex with the members of the same sex. The world may look cleaner with only one partner but thats only on the surface...under the blanket there would be a totally a differnt world which everyone knows but no one talks.

and let me tell it.....its not all gays who sleep with series on men...there are many who have steady relationships with single partners...therefore as we find promiscuous here in gay world we also have the same number in the hetero world too.

Answer 5

There are three things driving this:

1. Poor love.
2. Requirement for antihomophily.
3. Male biology.

Guys who were not loved properly when they were children will have problems expressing love when they become adults. This is irrespective of whether they are gay, bi or straight. Gay guys, who were different during childhood, might not have received the proper love and acceptance from their parents (who were frightened), and this manifests itself later on.

We like people who are similar to ourselves (known as homophily), but similarity isn't a driving force for love - or otherwise the whole human race would be homosexual. Heterosexual partners are different biologically and psychologically - hence the concept of Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. In order for relationships to survive, there has to be a certain level of antihomophily. Heterosexuals automatically get this, but homosexuals have to get round this by other means. Two people who are very alike will get bored of each other quickly, and this is known as "bed death" in the LGBT community. Homosexuals get round this by going for people who have different characteristics to themselves (e.g. age, race, physical appearance).

Also, males are biologically promiscuous. They can enjoy sexual activity outside a relationship. Most women prefer a relationship to be in place to enjoy sexual activity - a woman having an affair tends to have an illusion that there is some kind of relationship. In the straight world, women are gatekeepers to sex - which kind of restricts the movements a straight guy can take. In the gay world, the woman has been removed from the equation, and hence there are less barriers to sex. This is why you get gay male cruising grounds, but nothing for lesbians.

Answer 6

Will you open your eyes and see the reality that ALL men (straight, gay, bi, short, tall, black, white... you get the idea) find it impossible to remain committed to any ONE person. You say you're 46... WAKE UP PUNKIN!!! you've been asleep waaaayyy to long. This is not a gay issue, it's a HUMAN issue. If the life you describe above is all you see around you, then you need to start surrounding yourself with different people. As my very wise mother said to me repeatedly, "Show me who your friends are and I'll know who you are" The lifestyle you describe above is your own because you chose to surround yourself by those people. if you don't like it... CHANGE IT. Take responsibility and STOP blaming everyone else!!!

Tough Love

Answer 7

If the sex really is empty lonely and addictive it would seem like it would kind of punish itself, so God wouldn't need to create AIDS, which by the way kills straight people just as well as gays.

Answer 8

Seems like everyone is attacking you. I don't want to be one to do that. I'm sorry for whatever has happened to you to cause your bitterness and regret. I hope that you are able to find some peace in your life and maybe some self-forgiveness as you sound like you've done a really good job of beating yourself up for whatever reason. Seems like you could use a friend...... Thinking of you and sending you happy thoughts.

Answer 9

IMO anyone that is "gay" is already a lost cause. It doesn't take a government, a preacher, a mother or a father to tell someone that it is wrong to be involved with same sex relationships. It's common sense. If everyone on earth was "gay" none of us would exist.

You know I use to be in love with having "gay" male friends. But I had to strip those type of people out of my life, because I realize that they don't even want s h i t for themselves. They're aren't living right so what would make me think they would be right by me.

Answer 10

I think the better question is why do so many MEN find it impossible. This is not a gay issue. Ask any of my female friends who have had their husbands cheat. I read once that 78% of married men cheat. So there you go. Not a gay issue, a male one.