Teenage girls and/or their Moms, PLEASE I need advice!?

Question

My 16year old daughter has a good friend whose boyfriend gets physical with her, I even suspect he hits her. I've tried talking to her,especially about it not being her fault, that she is a strong woman who is not alone, empowering stuff.

The problem is her mother believes she gets what she deserves becuse she "settled" for this boy. I feel very responsible for this young lady's safety and am not sure what I must do morally, ethically and legally. Can any one of you PLEASE help me? Or offer me any sound advice. I would hate for this young lady to grow up being battered and thinking it is OK. I would hate for this young man to grow up thinking it is OK to hit woman. I have seen some of the most amazing and strong woman crumble to a pile of rubble as the result of an abbusive relationship...I would hate to be in the position to help and do nothing. But what do I do when this is a child with a mother that seems not to care? Please I am desperate for help.

Answer 1

please call this number,its a 24hour crisis,refferal and support hotline.....[phone],they will definitley be able to help you,confidentially....i hope it all works out....a concerned mom

Answer 2

I would take the girl into protective custody. Notify the police of a potientally dangerous situation. Call social services. Usually listed under the city you live in as Child Abuse/social services.
This mother is neglecting her daughter, this is a serious crime. The girls friend knows the boy is being abusive to the other girl, she is also responsible for not telling an authoritive person. This is not ok. This is the worst crime against children. The boy if he is 18 or older will be placed in jail for the abuse of a minor. The friend may also get the same deal if she too is 18 or over.
If you have the heart to help this girl, you need to act soon. The sooner the better. Desperate people do dumb things, the boy could hit her hard enough to kill her. Good Luck.

Answer 3

I would call the guidance counselor at school, and set up a meeting with her/him, they will be able to help put you in touch with the right people to help this girl and probably her mom, since she obviously needs help too! You don't say if the girl actually has marks on her and if she doesn't unfortunatly authorities won't do a whole lot with out proof or her being willing to press charges, and you run the risk of making her angry with you and not comming around you so someone can actually keep an eye on her. You can try talking to her straight up and asking her point blank if he is hurting her don't pussy foot around, just ask her, but also make sure that she knows that you are just worrried about her and that you are there for her.She probably really needs someone that she can trust. Maybe you should ask your daughter first and see what she says. Good luck, this is a tough one.

Answer 4

If it is okay for a mom of a teenage daughter to allow the daughter to get knocked around by her boyfriend, then the mom has a problem. She probably doesn't get it that hitting is wrong. She could be a victim of domestic violence herself.

And that would explain the pattern that your daughter's good friend has gotten herself into.

Assault is a crime. Report it to the district attorney in your county. Or, better yet, have a sit down talk with a police officer or a desk clerk in a police department.

She is too old for Child Protective Services, but those agencies do have safe houses and battered women's shelters for abusive situations, so it would follow that someone there could put her in touch with someone who knows how to cut through the "not getting it" mentality. I would call it denial but in order for it to be denial you have to acknowledge that there is a problem but she isn't there yet.

You are right. Hitting is not okay. Hitting is assault. No matter if a parent hits his kids or if a boy hits his girlfriend. If you see it, or the signs of it like a bruise, black eye or something else, you need to report it as an assault.

Answer 5

If the girl is only 16, you are required by law to report "child abuse". Even if it is the boyfriend, she IS a child. Maybe he could be picked up and taken to a facility to see what happens to men that hit women. The Mother is apparently NOT a strong woman and this child is probably in the relationship because of the example that has been set by the mother. You can help this girl break the cycle of violence and perhaps get the boy some help too before it's too late.

Answer 6

I was in an abusive relationship with my ex who is the father of my daughter. I thought that since I had a child with this guy that I shouldn't leave him for her sake. Being in that kind of situation I know how it feels to have things seem like its my own fault. My advice to you is to either get some kind of law enforcement involved or a social worker's help, because if you don't, it may continue until someone gets really hurt both emotionally and physically. Another thing that you could do is talk to the girl and see what her point of view is. If she doesn't think its wrong, then it will be hard to convince her to leave. Keep talking to her and she may come around and see that its not right. That's what my family did for me, and now my daughter and I live in a safe environment.

Answer 7

Ok first of all, there is nothing that you can do! 1) SHE has to decide ok look I have had all that I can take and I dont want this anymore. Sure, you can maybe catch it in the action and call the police and him go to jail, but if that is what she wants then she will just go back to him and it may even be worse because he may take his punishment out on her and that would not be fair to her. 2) She may be scared to leave him he may have threatened her or something like that. And it sounds to me like with a mother like that, she may be getting it from more that just her boyfriend and maybe that lady needs to be done something with along with the boyfriend. However you are really a wonderful and warm hearted to reach out for help with something like this and you know she is so younge and I think we all remember our younge HORMONES and such at that age so you know I will pray for this and hope that all comes well from it. Because if she really makes it through this she will be strong and she will really learn to stand up for herself. MAYBE!!

Answer 8

The only thing you can do is talk with , not to, this young woman in a nonjudgmental way and offer her numbers of women's crisis centers etc. Legally without her cooperation their is nothing you or anyone can do also women who are abused fall into a cycle of returning to their abuser. It sounds like you've tried communicating with her but it is the young woman who must make the choice and seek help, you've done what you could. Offer to be there for her if she needs to talk etc.

Answer 9

I understand how you feel. My mom was abused when she was pregnant and it was really hard for her get over. You should try talking to the boy's parents if you can contact them. You could also call hotlines or even take your daughter to see a psycologist. I hope this helps you help your daughter. Good luck.

Answer 10

She needs to get away from the boy. Get a restraining order if she has to and get away from her mother also. I feel if you can't get good advive from your own mom, you don't need to be in her presence. How dare her mom be that way. I fell sorry for the whole family. I wish she was our daughter. I'd advise her right. And show her the love and respect and give her the talk she needs.

Answer 11

It sounds like if you don't do something, nobody will. If you have evidence that he's hurting this girl, I would definitely call a local battered women's hotline, or the police. It doesn't matter if she isn't your daughter - or it shouldn't matter - she still needs to be protected, and battery is battery. Good luck.