why me why my life?

Question

hello i am a mother ofa 10 week and 3 day old son and i am abused by my husband it all started before we got married he get drunk and would tell me he use to beat his first and 2nd wife but i still married thanking it be diffrert for me but i was wrong, first it was yelling, then he would tell me he would hit me he would say stuff like i was lucky he not hit me because he could really hurt me then the grabbing started he would grab me by the arm so hard it would leaves marks he would pin me to the wall so i could not move and yellthen one day he got so drung and grabed my arm telling me he was going hit me and i told him i was not scared of him so he told me i batter be hecause he could kill me then he pushed me so hard a almost fall i finel thongh he calm down so i went to bed he would come in and yell call me names then he set on the bad and puch me so hard i fell of the bed, then i got pranget we got in to it he was so drunk he grab my arms and puch in to the door and for the first time i was scared i though he was going hit me and all i could thank of was not to let him so i slaped him because i though he would hit my tummy and make me lose my baby then the same nigh he trow rock at me and he would hold his fist up and tell me he wish i would lose the baby but he never did touch me because he had is drug buddy over he told my husband if he wanted any drug he would not touch me so he stoped he finel calm down, then when i was 4 months prangent we got in to it he wanted money for the drugs and i wouldnot give it to him so he hit me 2 times on the arm telling me next time it be my face the he grabed a baseball bat and told if i not give him the money he hit me with it so i gave him the money then he lift but he come back with the stuff and telling me h was sorry he hit me he was crying he said it never happen again and i told him i for give him i belive he would not do it again but i was wrong because when i was 6 months prangent we had no money and no food because he took all the money for the drugs and you can't get food without money. finely we got a call telling us we could move in with my family so we could get my husband clean the day befor the move he was getting high on that stuff his lighter was out so he was useing a candle and i not want him doing them drugs so i blow out the candle and he slaped me in the face and all i did was go to bed telling my self it all stop when we get to texas but i was wrong he started telling me who i can and cn't talk to where i can and can't go he had to know where i was at ever min even when i went to the bathroom he would give me money and i have to tell him how much i spent, where and what i got finely on march 31 2006 i had my son he was so sweet but that only was for 2 weeks then the yelling started back he would yell at me at welmart where people could hear he would call me names he would tell me woman know nothing and men knew it all then on june 3 2006 we went to eat he got drunk he went 6 monthsno dranking so when he got drunk he got mean and started yelling at me we was on the side of the road walking he would tell me i was a bad mother the he grabed me so hard i though he pull my clothes off he let go of me we got behind this church and for some reason i can't remember why set down on the ground by then the yelling got worse my son started crying soi was feeding him but he was still in his stroller my husband we tell me he would not hit me he say he could go to jail if he did then he hit me so hard on the arm it turn purple it as the first time ever he lift a mark and again he told me he hit my face next time and i told himi was not scared so he started comeing to me with his fist up telling me i batter be scared. then he put his hands in my face i was so scared he would hit me again i could not look at him he then knid of man if you don't look it makes him worse finel he calm down, the 5 days ago i not fold up the baby diaper up so he slaped me . i always though it was from dranking and the drugs that maid him mean they was a part of it but then one day we got in to over the drugs it would be part of it, then i found out he don't have to be drunk to treat me bad because for a long time i did not see that he was treating me bad now i just hopping he will change because i don't want to leave him i love him but i want him to treat me right he a good father and sometimes he a good man just wish it was all the time

Answer 1

I'm so sorry....ive just finished reading your story. Girl, you are not alone ...so many women go thru your situation...men are getting worse and worse with us women . I was one, and let me advice you it will get worst...i went to 7 domestic violence shelters trying to hide from him ...and at the end i go back..my abuser was not on drugs...thank God or i would had been dead..girl he cried ,begged..brought me flowers...massage my body ...iron my clothes made me breakfast a whole new man once the honey moon is over so are you. I recieve d..beatings,broken nose, ( which i needed reconstruction) choked me,pulled out knife on me ,threatened to kill me with the knife.( i was like you i would tell him i wasn't scare)...after a while i learn to just not talk to him back)..i was terrified, he would take me to secluded alleys. where there in my car .he would torture me. he would stuff hat inside my mouth so no one would here me scream..He would turn the radio loud so no one can hear me cring for help..He was inches from taking one eye from me when he took the car keys and put the key between his finger and proceded to attack me that,s when he broke my nose inches away from taking my eye they gave him two years in jail because of his past history with me ( i was 7 years with him and my baby daughter..she is now 5 years old)....he use to put the radio real loud so no one can hear me screaming ...he bit a piece of my breast till this day i still have the scars. he spit me in the face..he wanted to have sex all the time expecially after a big fight ...i was just like you..( but i love him,he is my baby father,he will change) And girl he never changed...you have a gift from god your baby every time you feel down and out he will be there to listen...he will bring joy to your life ...love him (the baby) with all your heart. My abuser was a jeckle and mr hide. he will be good ..for one hour ,then he will be the devil...i say girl save you and your baby HE WILL NEVER CHANGE...i was hoping the same like you and he never changed. It got worst and worst right now it has been 5 months that they deported ..him...and he is still tellng family member that he will cross the boarders. I am very scared..he knows were i live so the first thing he will do is come and get me.( I leave that to god to help keep him away from me and my daughter.)..ah and i too was isolated from my family..and all im telling you be careful...if you have to fake a seizure,or act like you fainted hopefully he will leave you along .i used to do that ..but after a while he wont care...and the first time I became pregnant by him i lost ...the baby becuase of him ...and i was stilllllllllll just like you .( But i love him)..he will beg cry until he gets you where he wanted...i use to say the same thing, he would not let me go to the bathroom.alone always watching me. .they have domestic violence shelters...1800-577-7777..dont be afraid ..you have an angel with you ..your baby...be strong...if you need some one to talk or email ....good luck and may god bless you and the baby...keep your head up.YOU SEE I HAD A STORY TO TELL TOO...

Answer 2

Divorce and /or restraining orders will not "make you safe"!! I understand the well-meaning of some of the other answers, but statistics show that once abuse has escalated to this point, danger to you and your son, is very high. It is HIGHER if you are pregnant.
I can't remember which other respondent said it (above) but you need to get to a shelter, take whatever documents and cash you can possibly lay your hands on, and DO NOT TELL A SOUL.
Loving his good qualities is not sick, but staying despite his horrendous violence might be. HE WILL NOT CHANGE BECAUSE YOU LOVE HIM. He has SERIOUS emotional and psychological (not to mention spiritual) problems , and you CANNOT SOLVE THEM FOR HIM. Protect your life, and that of your child--GET OUT, get some help and support yourself , so you can understand what made you even begin to think this might be ok treatment (ie, it was clearly not ok, before the hitting started. The fact that he SAID he hit his other wives should really be a MASSIVE red flag, to anyone in a truly healthy state. Drugs and alcohol on a continuous basis--also a red flag.Sorry, but it's true:S )
You are a mother now. Make sure you are alive and healthy, for your child. Make sure your child is alive and healthy. Don't look back.
I wish you all the best, and prayers....God bless.

Answer 3

Number one - you need serious help. You obviously have your own problems that drove you to choose a boy (he's no man) like this. Get help. Number two - don't waste your time telling strangers on yahoo answers all this stuff - get the police involved. Your husband has too many issues to "change" without some serious help. Number three - it's time to think about your BABY and yourself. Do you really want to raise a child around drugs and alcohol? Don't bring that child into a life of fear and abuse. LEAVE NOW. The fact that you've been with him this long is evidence enough that you are sick (sorry but had to say it, it's obvious) and need professional help. Deal with your own issues and give that baby a decent chance at a decent life. If your husband wants to be part of that life, force him to get clean. Your baby deserves a real father, not a deadbeat drugged up alcoholic. Please get help before it's too late. God bless.

Answer 4

honey, I'm not going to tell you to leave him or stay with him, but at least get the baby to a healthy environment. My sister is in the same situation. If you love your baby at least get him out. Does anyone else know about this? Have you reported your husband to the police about any time he has hit you? The way it works is, if you don't report him at all, they will think that you are lying and won't do anything about it until it is too late. Your baby is your main priority right now, right? Well, do what you would want your mother to do if you were in your baby's shoes. Your husband will not change. The longer you stay the more controlling and awful it will get. If youwere close by me, I would gladly help you and the baby. God bless and I will pray and keep praying for you both. Tell your husband, "GOD bless you for your deeds". If you say this and mean it, God will bless him for his deeds. If he does a good deed, he receives a good deed, if a bad deed, he receives a bad deed. God does listen. I love you both. I'll pray for your husband also.

Answer 5

GET OUT NOW!!!!! This man is a very angry, out of control man and is extremely dangerous to you and your son.

He does not love you and will never be the man you would like him to be until he decides to change. As long as you tolerate his abuse, he will continue it.

You and your son are in danger. You can call your local police department and find a safe house for you and your son. Make a plan to leave. While he is at work, pack clothes for you and your son. Take all your important papers, bank records, etc. with you. Get as much cash as you can. He can cancel the credit cards once he discovers you are gone. Go straight to the shelter and stay there. DO NOT CONTACT HIM, LEAVE A NOTE OR ANYTHING ELSE. DO NOT TELL ANYONE OF YOUR PLANS. Friends and family will be the first place he looks.

PLEASE LEAVE HIM. I will pray for you and it will be scary at first, but you don't have to live in fear and you shouldn't raise your son in fear. He didn't ask to be born and he deserves the best life you can give him. An abusive father is not it!!!

Answer 6

Listen and Listen good....the first chance you get leave. I was in a similar situation and it will not get better. Its going to get worse. You and your baby are in danger. You continue to stay in this relationship because you have low self esteem and you are not number one in your life. If you love your baby THEN LEAVE. Never put your baby in harms way. You cannot possible love this man because he degrads you and does not value you as a woman and a mother.
YOu stated he is a good father...HOW is he a good father when he is beating the crap out of the baby's mother. You are in serious denial in this situation. You need to get away from him so you can get a clear head. Everytime you get money hide it and save as much as you can and buy a bus ticket to a family members house. Make sure he does not know where your at and do not contact him. Get a job, go to school and make a life for you and your baby. You do not deserve this and neither does your baby.You are a beatiful woman and you NEED to be honored for that by a loving and caring man. Woman to woman please do not continue to be abused. I will pray for you and ask God to protect you and your baby.
Peace!
I have to add something....I know your scared to leave...are you scared to die because thats whats going to happen. Your probably thinking "Oh it probably won't go that far"...thats what all the dead women said before their husbands killed them. You have to get some balls and stop settling for this s h i t. if all else fails wait until he's sleep and knock his a s s in the head and then leave.

Answer 7

I was in a relationship like this and mine did the same thing. I always took him back because he cried and said he would never do it again. He always did. You need to get away from him. They don't change. It is not safe to stay with him. What happens when he starts hitting your son? Please get out of there. Find somewhere safe to go. Call the police if he hits you. Go to a shelter. It only gets worse. I know you love him but you can't change him. It took me years to get away from my ex. When I did he would follow me and tried to kill me many times. He would would break into my house and hide and wait for me to get home. Rip out the phones from the wall and beat me up telling me I will never leave him. I felt like I had no where to go. It hurt the kids more then I knew at the time. Be strong and get yourself and your son away from him. It will be very hard but you don't deserve to live like that. There are better men out there believe me. Or better yet stay single for awhile and just concentrate on your son. good luck and please think about getting out of there.

Answer 8

Girl you need to get out I've been in three relationships just like that and the last one I had a baby with and he would hit me while holding our son I promise you he will never change and he will hurt you bad one day and he might even hurt your baby also.you need to put your baby first and get out how will your son feel growing up with no mother it could happen or how would you feel if in a fit of anger he hurts your son I never thought my ex would but boy was I wrong to me my son comes first now and if your husband yells around your son that will make him a very nervous kid growing up my son is you cant even play wrestle with anyone around him or talk loud cause hell start shaking and cry. please put your sons future first you'll get over him I promise and you'll wish you made the move a long time ago and your son will thank you for it some day. good luck

Answer 9

You know the answer already. Leave this loser -once you are away from him, you will see that it is not love, trust me. Have your family help you, and explain what is going on. It sounds like they will help you out. You can also get a PPo or restraining order put on him so he cannot come near you or your baby. He needs to get help for his abusive nature. Once he goes through rehab and domestic violence classes, then maybe you can be with him again. You need to tell him- in front of your family so he cannot hurt you, that you cannot see him until he does these things. If he goes to work, that is the time to get your stuff out, or if you guys are both staying with your family now, for you to pack his stuff and hand to him when he comes back. For the sake of your baby, you will do this. You must, do not allow yourself to be treated like a dog. Also, there are agencies in all areas to help you. All you have ot do is call a domestic violence shelter, and the police, ask them how to get a PPO on him. Good luck, and be strong for your baby.

Answer 10

I am very sorry about your situation, I am not trying to be an smart*** here, but the answer for " Why Me" is that you were the one who choose him, you knew his past and yet you married him, but I know you did it with an innocent heart and gonna give you my suggestion: DIVORCE HIM A.S.A.P. I know, I know I know that those are the last words you want to hear, it hurts but is the truth, I was once in a abussive relationship with my ex-fiance, he did not beat me up but he was controlling, brutal, and rude enough to make my life misserable, after 3 years together I took the courage to brake it up, and even though he cried and begged me to go back to him God gave me the strenghs and I didn't, about 1 1/2 year later I met my now husband and he is the total oppossit and treats me like a woman, like a human being, like a person, like his wife , like he should, by this I am encouraging to get out of that relationship, it's a hard decition to make but is the best, believe me I went through it, you don't deserve this kind of treatment, you are a PRECIOUS AND VALUABLE human being, you or your child DON NOT DESERVE THIS, even if you leave him he still will be in your child's life because after all he is the father, now if you decide to brake it up, give yourself sometime because you might fall into the same thing with another guy, because unconcioulsy you would be falling into the same pattern, be careful, watch out, and get out of that relationship, when you do you will be happy you did, guaranteed. good luck, God bless. if you want to contact me you can do it through yahoo. I wish you the best I really do.

Answer 11

You keep expecting him to change and he doesn't. He has proven you wrong numerous times. You say he's a good father yet he does drugs and has problems dealing with his anger both when he's sober and when he's drunk and/or high. That is not a good father.

You are choosing to stay with him, and will continue to be harmed. He has not changed; stop expecting him to "this time". Get away from him and take your baby with you. Get the police involved, and get to somewhere that you will be safe.

Do not choose to accept his behavior, nor to expect that he will be any different than he has been in the past with you or his last two wives.